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Young Writers Society



Chapter Two, Capture the Night

by Ave38


Chapter Two

Market Trouble

I collapse into my bed, exhausted. One of the cons of running around all night is that you’re very tired the next morning. Luckily, since I was grounded, I could pretty much sleep all day. A knock echoed on the door. I stifle a groan.

“Miss Catarina? May I come in?” My maid’s voice comes through the door.

“Yeah, whatever.” Margaret enters the room. “ It’s Cat, by the way.” She nods.

“I’m very sorry, but I cannot call you that.”

“How can you call me Catarina with a straight face?” Margaret shifts uncomfortably. I get the sense she wants this conversation to be over.

“I’ve brought you breakfast.” I stand up. It’s always awkward to be sitting or lying when everyone else is standing.

“Thank you.” I put on my Catarina Van Hofken the Fourth face. Margaret curtsies, then hurries from the room. I sigh. While it’s nice to not have to put up with my parents and more annoying siblings, it does get lonely in my room. Maybe I’ll go to Gemini Markets today.

Of course, it’ll be hard to get out of the castle in the middle of the day. Maybe I’ll go during afternoon 'reflection hour'.

Every Wednesday, Mom sends us outside for two hours, so we can run around out there. No exceptions. I think her logic is that we can't break stuff inside if we're outside, but she's usually wrong because we always manage to throw stuff into windows.

I pick at my breakfast. You’d think that I’d be hungrier after running around all night, but my stomach is still all twisted from our run-in with Imp and Nicki. I’m not particularly worried about going to Gemini Markets, but if that Zadge powder is traced back to me, I might move down Mom’s list. And I really don’t want to do that.

I check my phone. I don’t really use it too much, but it’s useful for keeping in contact with the siblings. Like usual, the group chat is running. I don’t intend to check it.

 I put my breakfast aside, bored. Normally I’d be out, annoying Ice or something. Maybe running around with Imp, or hiding Dani’s stuff, or playing with Gertie, or watching Beige paint something.

I’ll bet there’s something exciting going on out there, and I can’t get in on it. This is so unfair! All I did is break like three laws, fourteen rules, and a car! Mom didn’t even seem that mad. She was busy with whatever Eliot had done, like walk down the stairs or something.

I rolled over. Might as well try to catch up on some sleep. I’m asleep for nearly a whole half an hour until someone knocks on my door. The kind of knock that lets you know: Let me in, or I’ll break the door down. Mom.

“Come in!” I call, doing my best to sound pleasant. She enters.

Daniella Van Hofken the Fifth enters my room, and looks around, wrinkling her nose. She looks stern, with lines all across her face from a lifetime at the throne. Her hair is graying already, even though she’s only forty-six.

“What did you do, let a tornado in?” I sigh. No nice words come from her. My room really wasn’t that messy. Well, maybe it was, but it’s an organized mess. It only looks messy to the layman’s eye. She plucks up a necklace that I left hanging on my dresser. “Is this Daniella’s?”

Ah yes. Daniella. The perfect daughter. She’s my fourth oldest sibling, but my second oldest sister. Mom considers her the oldest daughter, since Ice is ‘following her own path’. Incidentally, that is Daniella’s necklace. I stole it. I was just going to keep it long enough to make her wonder, but I forgot, what with Imp’s prank last week and my excursion.

“Yeah, it is. You can take it to her if you want.” I sit up on my bed. Best not to give her any more reasons to grump at me. Mom puts her face in her hands.

“Catarina.”

“It’s Cat.” she pockets the necklace.

“I didn’t come because of the necklace, or your room,” She looks around, “Although you should clean it. I came because the Royal Ball is in two months, and I would prefer not to have a repeat of last year’s performance.” I recall back to that.

“Is that the one with the chickens? Because I told you that Imp did that, and-” She interrupts.

“No, the chickens were two years ago, and I know those weren’t your fault, although I doubt they were Imogene’s. Last year was the year you punched Joshua.” Oh. I remember that year. Josh is the guy Mom wants me to marry, although she’ll deny it. But he really gets on my nerves. Last year he was flirting with Ice, and she looked really uncomfortable. And he wouldn’t stop. I didn’t mean to punch him though. I meant to cover his mouth and my fist picked up force moving towards him. I’ve tried to explain this to Mom, but she doesn’t get it.

“Sorry.” Mom sighs.

“So you say. I ask you to just give him a chance. But I don’t think you’re going to listen to that.” She glares at me. I look away.

“So I was wondering if you’d make a deal with me.” I look at her. She’s trying to bargain? This is completely out of character for her! I open my mouth, but then consider.

“Who are you trying to impress?” She acts offended.

“I’m not trying to do anything! I’m just looking out for you.” I doubt that.

“Is the Duchess going to be there?” She looks torn, but then realizes there’s no point in lying.

“I can neither confirm nor deny that.” Ugh. The Duchess turned up last when I was nine. She’s not a good person, by any means. Supposedly she’s mom’s sister. Mom says I should try to be more friendly, but she can’t see what I see. Sometimes I still have nightmares about her eyes. The coldest eyes you’ve ever seen. I hear she tried to poison Dad last time. People who go against her usually don’t come back. She’s been trying to prove Mom is unfit for the throne forever.

“So you mentioned a deal?” I’m going to have to behave anyways, but I’d like to see what I can get out of this. Mom nods.

“Exactly. This summer, we're going on a trip to Barzistia.” That's where Josh lives. "I won't make you go if you behave." Hm. Get away from Josh card. I could use one of those.

“Alright. I'll accept that.”

“Fine. This means that you have to do exactly as I say about the Ball, and behave the day of. This means no fights, no weird faces, and no chickens!” I bite my tongue to keep my face straight at the last one. The chickens were pretty hilarious. “Thn, if you do all of this, you get to stay home. If you fail, all bets are off.” I nod.

“Makes sense.” She stands up.

“Good. I’m glad we had this little talk. Now, clean your room, and stop stealing your sister’s stuff.” I nod.

“Of course mother.” She’s completely snapped back. No more making deals, her word is law. Which is precisely why, that afternoon, during reflection hour, I sneak out to disobey, make mischief, and be Cat.

I wind open my window. I really don’t know why I got a window that has a roof right under it. It’s basically an invitation to sneak out. I step out onto the roof and stand up straight. The wind blows through my hair, and the sun beats down, making the shingles hot. The sky is a perfect blue, like what you might see in a fairy tale. I breathe in deeply.

Some people get nervous around heights, but it just invigorates me. I trust myself enough to not fall, and the dizzying heights put that to the test. I grab onto the side and dangle over, hoping Ice isn’t looking out at this moment. Even if she is, she probably won’t tell Mom, although she could try to strong arm me into something. This thought causes me to climb faster, but still carefully. No matter how good my balance is, it won’t help if I lose my grip.

I keep climbing down Jade Tower, having the path memorized. It’s a lot easier without Beige, but I do wish he was here. He is my best friend, and no matter how stupid it sounds to have your brother as your best friend, it’s still pretty awesome. Though, in all fairness, he’s also my only friend. Being stranded inside a castle isn’t exactly a recipe for popularity, and most of my other siblings and I don’t get along that well.

I finally touch down onto the stone walkway along the main building. I look both ways, a little more on edge after my run-in with Nicki and Imp. If I ran into the triplets now, I would probably both not be in walking shape, and I’d be caught. Not to mention I wouldn’t be able to get the powder, so Imp might tell Mom that too. After last week, that might be grounds for disownment.

I set off along the moat shore to the nearest shore. Hopefully they wouldn’t notice I was gone, although I’ll bet Beige would cover for me. I should’ve pretended to be sick.

I cross over a bridge and run towards the rusty spot in the gate. After a quick squeeze through there, I ran down Hofken road. I can still see the light post that I hit last week, lying downed on the sidewalk. I walk up, keeping my head down, to the corner of Main street and Hofken Street. I’m not sure who named these streets, but they’re really boring. There’s also an east, north, west, northeast, and south street.

I cross the street, hoping not to get hit. I wonder who would cry at my funeral? I turn left into the lot that the Gemini Markets sprang up in.

At first glance the markets are just a bunch of tents. People hurry around with their hoods up, quickly getting their wares and leaving. Those are usually the rich people, who wouldn’t be caught dead here. This place is another ‘historical hotspot’, though I don’t think anything historical has ever happened here. Then, among the hooded people, wander the others, everywhere from middle class to low. Gemini Markets are the best place to find anything.

I hurry in, not caring if anybody sees me. Most people probably wouldn’t recognize me anyways. With twelve royal children, it’s hard to keep all of us straight. Now, to find the Zadge power. It’s probably over by the nastier part of this place, as it is an illegal substance. (Mom got sick of finding it everywhere)

I keep along my way. Church will be over in about an hour and a half, so I should be quick. I stop for a second and look around. I haven’t been here since I followed Pat out when I was younger. She was so mad, I never did it again. I’ve never caught her sneaking out again either.

It’s changed a lot too. The ground is littered with trash and dirt. My shoes will never be the same. I walk forwards, studying the ground, not paying attention to where I’m going.

“Hey! Watch it!” A voice snaps me out of my reverie. I look up. A girl with a hood on her head is in front of me. I could almost recognize her...

Oh. I know who she is. And by the look on her face, she knows who I am too. As evidence, she turns around and runs.

"Hey! Wait!" I shout after her, giving chase. We run by several stalls, heading for the northeast corner of the markets.

"Pat! I won't tell Mom!" I shout. She picks up speed. Finally I skid around a corner after her and... nothing. Gone like she never was. What? What just happened? I didn't think Pat had been sneaking out anymore.

I walk back over the the Zadge powder and collect it. Might as well have something to show for this. I sigh, heading back to Callais Palace. This week was not showing any signs of getting easier.


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276 Reviews


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Sun Dec 27, 2020 2:35 am
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rosette wrote a review...



Hey there! I hope you're doing well. I didn't want to jump into chapter 2 without any context, so I quickly read your first chapter. My first impression was that this is fantasy, though I do not believe that to be necessarily true now. The "kingdom" setting fooled me, yet this does have a modern take, such as with Cat having a phone. Something that I find difficult to swallow is the narrator referring to her mother as "Mom" instead of well, "Mother," but I suppose that is something a rebellious young royal would do. :p I think the modernism rubbed me the wrong way because of certain old-fashioned elements, like the servants and "commoners". There's an odd mix of both worlds.

“Exactly. This summer, we're going on a trip to Barzistia.” That's where Josh lives. "I won't make you go if you behave."

I don't trust her mom lol. She seems like a clever woman and I may be wrong, but she appears to have something up her sleeve.

Some people get nervous around heights, but it just invigorates me. I trust myself enough to not fall, and the dizzying heights put that to the test.

I like these little snippets that show, rather than tell, how Cat is different. The average person (I believe) is afraid of heights, but not our girl! As of these first two chapters, she acts like a tough, hard-headed gal, yet I think it would be worthwhile to explore her character even more. What are her insecurities? Fears? Dislikes (other than Josh)? The strong, independent female lead can be cliché at times, but that is because only one side of the character is shown. Catarina has potential.

There are hints of the underlying plot, concerning the Zadge powder, deal, and Market. Quite a few different elements point to different possibilities, which I like. The setting is still hazy for me and I don't think a little more description would be a bad idea, but you seem to know what you're doing here. I commend you for that.

Good luck with this story!
rosette ~




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Tue Dec 15, 2020 2:35 am
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Calandra wrote a review...



Greetings.

"It's changed a lot too. The ground is littered with trash and dirt. My shoes will never be the same" are a lot of similar sentences. I also see "I sigh. No nice words come from her. My room really wasn't that messy," so making those compounds or more complex wouldn't hurt. They sound a bit robotic as they are currently.

"It only looks messy to the layman's eye." Messy is a weaker word, so something like "chaotic" would fuel it with more energy. "Messy" is also repeated a lot in this whole thing, so helping you out there too. I like using thesauruses when I'm stuck on stronger words, so I'd suggest giving that a try. It isn't everyone's cup of tea though.

That's about all I have to say. I do agree though, I am also excited for chapter three.

Calandra




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Tue Nov 03, 2020 6:43 pm
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Soccer23 says...



Great chapter! Excited for 3!!





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