Young Writers Society

Hello, My Friend!

Following that synopsis, I thought I would dive into the first chapter of this piece today, and drop a review while here! I'll be using my typical Familiar method, which is pretty much the YWS’more method with the touch of a fantasy-horror writer. Let’s dive in, shall we? Heh heh heh…

What The Black Eyes See...

Albeit a bite-size chapter, I thought this was a neat story opening! It sets a fascinating situation for the main character, and leaves a lot of questions and overall mystery, tempting the reader in to with more. Let's get into the details though.

Where The Dagger Points...

I don't have much to put here. I remember you mentioning that this is written with a limited word count, so I get that (and honestly, I don't mind short-length chapters at all). I do have some recommendations I could make in good faith, free to take or leave, and part of it does involve formatting, so if that's not applicable for the same reason, I get that too. Proceed with caution ~

I just noticed that the whole bit is one paragraph. It's not a huge deal, it gets the content across regardless, but I feel like the pacing and overall look would benefit by, for example, starting a new line for new dialogue. Example...

"What are you looking for, you are my dinner," The Eagle said.

Wow did I just understand an Eagle?

"Sorry, I am not your food," I said as I explained my story to the Eagle.

"A human understanding animals cool," The Eagle said.

"Yes," I replied.

That's all for that, and the second thing is more specific but very minor, just referring to the capitalization -specifically the lack thereof- of "I" in the piece when Marcus is referring to himself.

And of course, that is just my opinion, and I am not a professional, so please always take my advice with a grain of salt. I still thoroughly enjoyed this. Nice writing job ~

Why The Grin Widened...

Now for highlights, of course!

As I mentioned, this setup leaves a lot of questions for the reader to explore, a lot of curiosity about what future chapters will hold, and a lot of potential theories.

The idea of a boy being kidnapped for experiments, only to be abandoned just as fast, is so creepy and mysterious. Like, when I read this:

"look's like the experiment did not work as usual" "he is awake" the other man said as they both entered a van and zoomed off, i tried pursuing them but i was dizzy so i fell down.

I was interested after hearing that the experiment "failed," and that they were so quick to abandon Marcus. Seeing his dazed and confused state, his attempt to reach the van before it drives off, and being in the middle of nowhere with no food, water, or shelter, it's easy to empathize with him and his struggles.

And now that he can speak to animals -or at least, this Eagle, I can't help wondering what they did to him, where Marcus will go from here on out, and how this curious Eagle companion will help him.

Our Mad Thoughts...

Overall, this was a great start to a story! Nicely done!

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

My name is Marcus, i was kiddnapped by a scientist to carry out an experiment. So i was put on a bed, my hands and legs were tied to it, i was injected, when i woke up, my eye was dizzy but i heard something "look's like the experiment did not work as usual" "he is awake" the other man said as they both entered a van and zoomed off, i tried pursuring them but i was dizzy so i fell down. So the only thing to do is to look for food, water, shelter and..., wait, where do i get that from, i looked up and and saw an Eagle. Maybe i could hunt that and eat, what do i use to kill it. To my suprise it was getting bigger and bigger, then it landed. "what are you looking for, you are my dinner"The Eagle said, wow did i just understand an Eagle. "sorry, i am not your food"I said as i explained my story to the Eagle. "A human understanding animals cool"The Eagle said. "Yes"I replied. "Follow me you can get fruit and water to eat and drink, whlle you stay with me"The Eagle said as i followed it.

Ooooh we're starting out it seems just a little bit right after our protagonist has managed to escape. Marcus seems to be quite resourceful here in terms of what we see here in this brief window as we get things started out right here. We're also getting a decent look at how it seem Marcus managed to escape here.

I am really loving quite how realistic this actually has managed to be with the kidnapper thinking an experiment has not managed to work and looking to just dump said failed results out from the looks of things. I like this particular moment because it both shows how Marcus is trying to make do with things despite how bad of a situation he's been randomly dumped into and also gives us a realistic way for him to escape being kidnapped.

I think the introduction of our eagle companion is quite nicely done here. Its a bit cautious but at the same time the sheer shock value of a human and a eagle understanding each other does seem like it would lend itself to a situation particularly like this one where they're sort of talking but trying to understand it, and the eagle offer there at the end serves as a good sort of cliffhanger to this scenario.

Overall I think its a nice strong start here. You've done a wonderful job there of establishing a prettyy good start here. I think we should get a little more information surrounding the eagle going forward but for just part 1.1, this is plenty so far. A solid start this.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Kate