Hey there! Here's my review:
Your story is quite brief and intriguing captures the essence of a desolate world and the possibility of hope and restoration. Awesome!
He was new to their desolate town. She was outside on her phone, texting him as she walked. He was outgoing but mysterious. She got his number from a friend of a friend. She had just introduced herself, yet his aura felt familiar to her.
Ok, ok. This is a decent start. The contrast between the 2 characters perspectives on the city sets the stage for their developing relationship which is nice, the reader (I) would love to read more about them and how their relationship is like.
He marveled at things she despised throughout her life. The barren trees, the absence of wildlife, and the monochromatic color palette of the city. He came from a place where grass grew a vibrant green and wildlife lived in a blossoming and ever-growing forest.
This ugly city was a direct result of the collapse of society, yet nobody knew why. So many generations passed since the city became this way, and now the next generations have to cope with this depressing world.
Right, this is interesting. The way he's amazed at everything she's used to is interesting. Personally, I wouldn't feel as amazed but luckily we find out later in the text why he's so amazed!
“Who is that?” She asked innocently.
“Someone my mother and I lost,” He replied sternly. “My father.”
He didn’t look particularly sad, which puzzled the girl.
"Oh," She said, disappointed. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know."
He looked at her and smiled shyly.
"It's okay," He said. "Sacrifices have to be made sometimes."
This bit was really interesting! It intrigued me and gave me a sense of suspicion towards him. You've done a great job adding tension to this scene! I think this was the most interesting part before the actual climax.
I love the rest of the story! It's a really interesting quest! The girl is tasked with restoring the city's former beauty, and despite her initial hesitation, she agrees to undertake the mission. The passage ends with a heartfelt exchange between the two characters before the girl embarks on her journey. Nice!
Okayy now for improvements!
One aspect that could be improved is the pacing. Some transitions between scenes and events feel abrupt, leaving less room for emotional resonance and exploration of the characters' motivations. Expanding certain moments and adding more descriptive details would enhance the reader's connection to the story.
Anyways, this really leaves me curious about the larger story and whether there will be a Part. 2. I'd definitely be reviewing that! The character dynamics, although briefly explored, show promise for further development if you do add a P.2.
Overall, good job!
Keep writing,
- HB
Points: 49
Reviews: 17
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