z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Behind Closed Windows

by AllyHowell


He was new to their desolate town. She was outside on her phone, texting him as she walked. He was outgoing but mysterious. She got his number from a friend of a friend. She had just introduced herself, yet his aura felt familiar to her.

He marveled at things she despised throughout her life. The barren trees, the absence of wildlife, and the monochromatic color palette of the city. He came from a place where grass grew a vibrant green and wildlife lived in a blossoming and ever-growing forest.

This ugly city was a direct result of the collapse of society, yet nobody knew why. So many generations passed since the city became this way, and now the next generations have to cope with this depressing world.

He had never seen these colors before. He had never seen this deprivation before.

She could never comprehend how amazed he was by this world. The memories he described to her from where he used to live sounded like something out of a fairy tale.

A few weeks passed.

He asked her to come to his house, and she accepted his invitation. She stood before her closet, trying to choose an outfit.

The wood was rotting, the hangers were broken, and her clothes were an organized blend of disgusting shades of black, brown, and grey. She grabbed a brown vintage dress with a grey apron and ruffles on the sleeves and collar. It was horrid, but it was the best thing she could find.

She walked to his house just down the street. She discovered that he lived in a large mansion. Compared to the dark and depressing city, the house looked like a castle. She rang the doorbell. In a way she couldn’t quite describe, the doorbell sounded like pure diamonds. She heard footsteps echo to the door.

The only true white door in the whole city opened before her eyes, and the boy stood in the massive doorway. He invited her inside.

Somehow, the house was even bigger than it looked. Gold trim lined the walls, chandeliers hung from the high ceilings, and a spiral staircase stood tall in the center of the home. In the living room, there was a gorgeous fireplace with a photo of someone hanging over the mantle.

“Who is that?” She asked innocently.

“Someone my mother and I lost,” He replied sternly. “My father.”

He didn’t look particularly sad, which puzzled the girl.

"Oh," She said, disappointed. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know."

He looked at her and smiled shyly.

"It's okay," He said. "Sacrifices have to be made sometimes."

Her expression changed from sad and empathetic to concerned and a little frightened. She stopped asking questions for a moment.

"Why don't we go upstairs?" He asked. "I have something to show you."

The girl wanted to feel scared or nervous, but stepping up the glass staircase was so entrancing that she couldn't find the ability to feel anything other than excitement. Walking down the long hallway, they found and entered his room.

It was messy compared to the rest of the house, but just as astonishing. She scanned around his room. Nothing like her room. The colors alone left her mesmerized. White, gold, hints of blue, and... green?

She spotted a color that her world had lost a long time ago. She found it in the window. He allowed her to be mystified by what she saw. It was exactly what he described to her. She had never seen anything like it.

"What is this?" She asked in amazement. "It's so beautiful!"

He smiled at her, but she was in too much of a trance to look anywhere but this new outside.

"It's why I invited you," He said. staring out the window with her. "I have to tell you something."

She had no idea what to expect, but she listened to him anyway.

"Okay," She said calmly. "I'm all ears. You've got my attention."

He explained to her that the window was where he came from.

"It's why we lost my father. He has a history of being rebellious here, and it wasn't safe anymore. That's why we built this house. The bright colors make people think we have power, and it keeps them away," He explained. "He's too afraid to come back because of his reputation if that makes sense."

She turned to face him rather than the window and nodded her head.

"That's also what I wanted to talk to you about," He said. "Somebody has to go there to restore this wretched city to the way it used to be, bright and colorful. For these past few weeks, I've been searching for the person to do that. We can't do it, but I have faith in you."

Although it was a lot to take in, she understood.

"You'd come with me though," She said nervously. "Right?"

He looked at her with disappointment.

"No," He said. "We have to minimize the number of times someone travels through the window to stay safe and undercover. It's complicated. You have no idea why the world became this way, but you'll certainly find out when you leave. It's not pretty."

She hung her head and thought. The room went silent in just a few moments.

"I'll do it," She said, breaking the silence. "For you. For us."

He smiled and thanked her. He opened the window. She reached an arm out and, for the first time in her life, felt a breeze of fresh air. Just before she left, they looked into each other's eyes.

"Oh, also," He said. "I should probably give you this."

He reached into a drawer in his bedroom and pulled out a picture of his father. He placed it in her hand right before she stuck it in her pocket.

"If you see him," He said. "Say hi for me, won't you?"

She smiled at him.

"I will," She said as she leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. "I'll see you when things get better."

He shut the window and waved to her. She waved back, and then she was gone.


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17 Reviews


Points: 49
Reviews: 17

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Sat May 13, 2023 7:13 am
HB1103 wrote a review...



Hey there! Here's my review:

Your story is quite brief and intriguing captures the essence of a desolate world and the possibility of hope and restoration. Awesome!

He was new to their desolate town. She was outside on her phone, texting him as she walked. He was outgoing but mysterious. She got his number from a friend of a friend. She had just introduced herself, yet his aura felt familiar to her.


Ok, ok. This is a decent start. The contrast between the 2 characters perspectives on the city sets the stage for their developing relationship which is nice, the reader (I) would love to read more about them and how their relationship is like.

He marveled at things she despised throughout her life. The barren trees, the absence of wildlife, and the monochromatic color palette of the city. He came from a place where grass grew a vibrant green and wildlife lived in a blossoming and ever-growing forest.

This ugly city was a direct result of the collapse of society, yet nobody knew why. So many generations passed since the city became this way, and now the next generations have to cope with this depressing world.



Right, this is interesting. The way he's amazed at everything she's used to is interesting. Personally, I wouldn't feel as amazed but luckily we find out later in the text why he's so amazed!

“Who is that?” She asked innocently.

“Someone my mother and I lost,” He replied sternly. “My father.”

He didn’t look particularly sad, which puzzled the girl.

"Oh," She said, disappointed. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know."

He looked at her and smiled shyly.

"It's okay," He said. "Sacrifices have to be made sometimes."



This bit was really interesting! It intrigued me and gave me a sense of suspicion towards him. You've done a great job adding tension to this scene! I think this was the most interesting part before the actual climax.

I love the rest of the story! It's a really interesting quest! The girl is tasked with restoring the city's former beauty, and despite her initial hesitation, she agrees to undertake the mission. The passage ends with a heartfelt exchange between the two characters before the girl embarks on her journey. Nice!

Okayy now for improvements!

One aspect that could be improved is the pacing. Some transitions between scenes and events feel abrupt, leaving less room for emotional resonance and exploration of the characters' motivations. Expanding certain moments and adding more descriptive details would enhance the reader's connection to the story.

Anyways, this really leaves me curious about the larger story and whether there will be a Part. 2. I'd definitely be reviewing that! The character dynamics, although briefly explored, show promise for further development if you do add a P.2.

Overall, good job!

Keep writing,

- HB




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1070 Reviews


Points: 62
Reviews: 1070

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Fri May 12, 2023 10:31 pm
vampricone6783 wrote a review...



Off to bring color back to the world! It won’t be an easy journey, but I’m sure that it will pay off in the end. Or not. I hope that it does, though. Living in a colorless world sounds like Hell. I wonder if the boy is actually good. He appears nice to the girl, but who knows how much he’s not telling her? And how can he be so calm with the knowledge that his father is in another dimension? Suspicious…but great story!

I wish you a marvelous day/night.




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22 Reviews


Points: 14
Reviews: 22

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Wed May 03, 2023 2:01 pm
Razor wrote a review...



If I had one word to describe this story, it would be wow. The pace of the story was great, your wording and your descriptions were awesome. Honestly, I could not find anything wrong with this story. Also, I think this story is meant to teach us that people do not love someone because of the clothes they wear or the way they look. It's how they act. Keep Writing!





You wake up in the morning and it feels impossible? Good. You do it anyway.
— Martin Scorcese