A/N: So, I didn't want to post this. Because I'm too emotionally attached to this, and I didn't want to see it get shattered. But! I'm here hopping for help on improvement. And stuff. So, have fun reading! (I hope.)
Prologue
It hurt too much. I couldn’t handle it, and I hated myself for breaking under the pressure. I hated myself for breaking my promises to you. I’m really sorry, believe I am. I tried, oh how I tried! I cried out for you, but you were nowhere to be found. Yes, it did hurt. Of course it did. I was slicing iron through my skin, how could it not hurt? But, despite that kind of pain, I always did it again.
I liked the feeling of pressing and passing my fingers above the scars, feeling the cuts on my once soft skin. I sighed. Would this end? I’m sorry. I swore to you, I would stop. I tried, but I failed. I’m only human; I’m made to fail. Standards are there to be corrupted, to have disturbances, for there to be people that fail to achieve them. Well, apparently, I failed to be normal.
I wandered the paths; I fell through the cracks. I lowered my head and ran away from you, did you not notice? I felt guilty, I did. But I needed you, more than anything in this world. You were a far more powerful drug than this new obsession. But still, every time I found you on the everyday’s worries, I felt like breaking under your smile, since I knew where it was hidden. I knew it far too well.
Yes, dear, at the bottom of my backpack, of my beloved Converse backpack, it lay there waiting to be used. And that thought tortured me as you smile. My heart bleeds.
My utility knife was right there. Waiting for me to use it. I cannot break, can I? I cannot afford to lose you. I just hope you don’t find out, because I cannot bring myself to lie to you.
Chapter One
It was one day - no, not on a particularly special day, just a normal November school day, in 2008. I got a text message, right after classes had ended and I was back at my place. I had just finished eating my lunch, spaghetti with meat balls – not bad, actually. I was lying on a couch, having no life and being a teenager there was no other thing for me to do. I took my phone out of my pocket, intrigued. This mobile phone was only used to connect with my parents and my best friend. And Aurora, my childhood best friend, had dropped her phone into water. Yet again.
I opened it. It said 'hi' and was signed by Eric. That was it. That was how a best friendship started, with one single text. Later, I figured out he was talking to me because he liked Aurora and wanted advices. But when that faded out, he was still my best friend. Through a text message on a rainy day, I gained a best friend.
Today, I’m a shadow of what I used to be, to quote Brian May. I’ve fallen into something I thought I’d never do. But that’ll come later. I’d like to start on September’s 15th, 2009, the day junior year started.
I walked into the school's grounds, the pavement was all the same as it ever was: grey and with cracks here and there, and then ended at the entrance of the school building, a grey double door. People were rushing by, I saw familiar faces, but tried to not be noticed. I had no desire of talking to any of those, despite the fact of considering them ‘friends’. I’d have to smile for them, and that was something I was definitely not in the mood for.
My wrists ached, for I had fallen to my obsession the night before. On a corner of my room, I picked up the blade and ran it five times through the white skin. Blood immediately sprouted out, but I sat down on the piano and played one of my favorite melodies. It was called ‘Falling…’ and I believed it was appropriate for the situation. I was crying, on top of that. Made a good scenario, but made me fail a couple of notes.
I thought back and tears ran to my eyes. I had tried to get rid of this before school started, but now, that I was entering the school with my brand new Converse backpack, I felt guilty and like I could just sink.
“Leighton! Wait up!” I turned around in my heels, well, more precisely my flat black sneakers, to spot Eric walking fast towards me. Oh dear. Instead of stopping, I merely slowed down my pace; he would soon reach me. It was too quick, I wasn’t ready. I could hear my heart bumping too fast, like it always happened when he was around and I was hiding something, and I was afraid he would hear it, unveiling that something was in fact wrong.
“Hi.” Why had my voice came out lower than how I had meant it to? His smile was wide, and I remembered how we had ‘talked’ yesterday. Until about midnight, if I recalled correctly, until I told him to go and leave me alone because I needed my beauty sleep. Yep, I acted that cool around him, while I am craving for every second with him. I’m that of a fool.
He smile right at me, and it felt like something sharp and cold stabbed me. But instead of failing, I smiled. I kept my act up, and I did it well for Eric had no clue. I looked up ahead, and found Aurora waving frantically at us. “Lei! Lei!” She called.
I hurried my steps and reached her quickly. She smiled broadly, and I smiled in replied. It was easier that what I could have assumed. To smile, I mean.
After a quick hug, I watched her carefully. She was smiling, as usual, there was not a day where a smile wouldn’t plaster her expression. “What?” She asked me, noticing my stare.
“Nothing. I’m really glad to see you.” I hugged her one more time, to emphasise it. I really did miss her. Summer vacation was long, and she was up to the north, with her mother’s side relatives. I was down at the beach, with my parents. It was supportable, the loneliness. It wasn’t that bad, actually. Quiet was good, sometimes.
She wrapped her arm around mine, and started walking further into the school’s building. I glimpsed back, but I didn’t see Eric again. He just… left.
I looked back at Aurora, and tried to show interest in her babbling about how there were three new kids in our class. Yes, yes, because I love to socialize so much that I want to meet new people.
I'm hoping to see a bit more of our lovely Eric's character though!
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