Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Well this is quite the little tale here. Both a surprise attack and also a fightback. Not something that you tend to see every day in one of these stories and I think you do a lovely job setting it up here.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Sally laughed at how her Uncle Johnny crumbled under her new powers. He was dead. He was nothing.
“You lost, Uncle Johnny. You weren’t playing the game right.”
No response. Good. He didn’t deserve to rise back up again like she did. He deserved to rot in the darkness.
It was intensely raining outside. The thunder would have scared her a long time ago, but now, she wasn’t afraid of a thing.
Something crashed upstairs.
“Wh-What was that?” Sally asked, feeling like the little girl she once was again.
The song “Pop goes the weasel” played from a piano rang throughout her house. Somebody laughed evilly, like a monster.
Like Uncle Johnny did.
She backed away into a corner, careful not to step on the knives she threw at her Uncle. She knew that they wouldn’t give her pain, but she still wanted to be cautious.
Footsteps thumped throughout the house. They were getting closer and closer…
“SaLllLyYY…”
Oooh well this is quite the start. Just a little banishment act happening only for something to return from the looks of things and it also appears that whatever returned isn't necessarily terribly good for poor Sally here.
Standing before her was a tall, monochrome clown, with a pointy monochrome nose, painted black lips turned up into a sinister smile, messy, tangled black hair that showed beady eyes that gleamed back at her.
He cackled at her, showing his sharp teeth.
She remembered the tale of Little Red Riding Hood, the one by Hans Christian Andersen, the one Mommy read to her.
“What big teeth you have.”
“The better to EAT you with, my dear.”
What if the felon ate her?
No, she was dead. Nothing could hurt her.
“Who are you? How do you know my name? What are you doing here?” Sally asked. She wouldn’t let him hurt her.
Well that is certainly a terrifying start to proceedings there with this newcomer. Its pretty clear that the intentions up to now are definitely not friendly in any sense of the word. This seems destined to end with some disaster or the other here.
“Why, don’t you remember me? Your best friend? Awww, don’t tell me you forgot about me, because I never forgot about you.”
He laughed again. It was as if he could never stop laughing.
“No, I don’t know who you are. Now get out!”
Sally raised the kitchen cutlery in the air and aimed it at him, but not a single utensil hurt him. He simply took them off, as if they were mere jewelry.
“How adorable! But it cannot kill me. Don’t you know? I’m immortal.”
“For the last time, who are you?”
He bent down to her level and smiled at Sally.
Just then, she got a whiff of candy and rotten flesh from his mouth.
Hmm well it looks like maybe it wasn't the person she was trying to banish there already but someone else coming back from perhaps a time long past from Sally. That possibly makes this even more terrifying here. Let's see how this pans out.
A flash of memories cascaded in her head. They were foggy and murky, but they were memories, nonetheless.
“Well, do you remember now?” He asked.
“You’re Laughing Jack.” Sally said with stark realization.
He was her best friend when she was three years old. They used to play games all the time. In fact, he was her partner in tea time when Mommy was too busy.
One day he didn’t show up for tea time. Or dress up. Or anything.
Mommy and Daddy didn’t like him, because he was scary and weird, but she thought that he was very nice and charming.
“Why did you leave me?” Sally asked bitterly. She couldn’t hide the bitterness inside. She didn’t care.
If Laughing Jack were around, he would have protected her from Uncle Johnny and they would have run away together, into his magical carnival he always talked about.
Oooh well this seems to be quite a situation here. A bit of a familiar face although it does look like just maybe this won't be suddenly turning into a good thing though. There's definitely some bitterness there and on both sides too there from the looks of thing.
“I didn’t leave you. I would never leave you. Do you remember the box I came from?”
“Uh-huh.” Sally nodded, beginning to like him a little bit more.
“Your Daddy found it and threw it out. Into a lake, no less. That box connects to me. I couldn’t come back. I searched everywhere for you. Now I’ve found you.”
“I missed you so much.” Sally smiled, forgiving him. He wasn’t really a monster. He had been her best friend and after everything, it was just going to be the two of them against the world.
“You know Sally, I could have befriended someone else.”
“Someone else? But I’m your only friend!”
“No, you’re not. I have befriended plenty of children before you. I could have replaced you.”
“What do you mean?”
“ I wanted to finish what I started. I was going to kill you.”
Well that's quite a clear intention being stated there. No way to misinterpret that. Oh dear. Poor Sally is about to be attacked anyway. It doesn't look like she's going to able to get away after all.
Sally backed away, not quite believing her ears.
Kill her? Kill her? Why would he want to kill her?
“What do you mean?”
“I mean exactly what I said, Sally. I came back to kill you. I’ve killed many other kiddos before, with little difficulty.”
Suddenly, all around her, she could hear voices. Child voices. Screaming and crying. The voices sounded like they were dying.
As quickly as the voices came, they stopped. The pouring rain was reduced to a soft drizzle.
She could still see him in the darkness, even without the lighting crash every now and then. She could make out his features.
“But your Uncle Johnny beat me to it.”
Oh dear well that was not a conclusion I was expecting to run into there but its certainly quite something to think about. It looks like thing are taking a turn from the simple kill you idea but i doubt he's going to just leave here.
He shook his head, tsking and tutting.
“I don’t like that. I don’t like that at all. No one had ever beaten me before. No human had ever beaten me, no less. But your Uncle Johnny changed that.”
“Then what are you doing here? You can’t kill me now. I’m dead.”
Laughing Jack smiled at her and cackled.
“No, no. I can’t kill you, unfortunately. But I can take you away. To my carnival. With the other dead kiddies.”
He raised his arms out, about to snatch her, but she ran away, upstairs, to her room.
Sally slammed her bedroom door shut.
There was a monster waiting for her. Just behind the door, there was a creature waiting to take her away.
Well it looks like at the very least she's now too experienced to just sit there and take it but is now able to fight back to some extend and stand her ground at the very least just a little bit. Let's see where this ends up taking us.
Something tapped on her closet door.
Sally opened it.
There he was, grinning at her.
“You’ve opened the door to all sorts of creepy crawlies, my dear Sally. You’re a Creepypasta, like me. I’m not the only monster out to get you. There’s so much more waiting for you. Oh, you really don’t know what you’ve gotten yourself into.”
Laughing Jack cackled louder than before, his twisted laughter lingering throughout the air.
Then, he disappeared.
Well that seem to have ended both about as bad as it could go but at the same time as good as it could go. It really can go either way there. We'll see what ends up happening at the end here.
If there was anything Sally learned, it was that monsters never really went away. They were always hiding underneath beds and in closets, waiting to spring up from the shadows to snatch their unlucky victims away. Maybe Laughing Jack wasn’t gone. Maybe he was hiding, waiting for her to let down her guard. Maybe there was a whole bunch of them hiding.
But Sally would be smart. She wouldn’t let them get her. If she could kill Uncle Johnny, then she could kill the other demons, too.
She was ready for war.
Well that's quite a hopeful message to end on. I think that has gone really quite well there for Sally even though it seems she's in the most danger that she's even been in here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall I think you've done a wonderful job here really establishing quite the little conflict with these characters and that ending with the fightback and the determined realization was really well done.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Kate
Points: 268538
Reviews: 4161
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