Young Writers Society

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSS
Hey BitterRosemary here for a review!! Let's get started.
As you can see above, I really like this poem. It's a unique & strong concept, well conveyed and well written. Good message. Well done
`bitter

Hey! I wanted to say that your author's note was the main thing that made me able to make sense of this poem.Without it, it wouldn't have had the same clarity and effect that it did, so I would suggest maybe trying to work some of that into the actual text of the poem. I'm not sure how. Maybe you'll just always need the author's not. Or maybe you could work it as a stronger title? Sick isn't really doing much for the poem. A good friend once told me to think of the title as an extra line of the poem. It can open up extra meanings and put new twists, or just elucidate information you can't fit in otherwise, so maybe that will work for you!

I also like the idea of feeling right v. feeling wrong, and which one is the sickness. I think it's the strongest part of the poem, maybe because it was the natural juxtaposition that inspired you to try the other ones (heaven v. hell, black v white). It seems more genuine than the later sections. I don't think it needs to be so heavily explored though. The explanation "So accustomed to the wrongness,/ The rightness seems wrong" just kind of spells it out for the reader, but the reason we're reading is to think and engage, so don't make it too easy for us.

I guess all in all I'd like to see a more concrete exploration of the feelings of sickness instead of looking down on it from a distance, from above, like the vague philosophical language in this poem does. There is a natural philosophy in the conflict between right v. wrong feeling, but I think you might try to explore it more with feet firmly on the ground instead of flying away with it -- it might help to get more readers engaged!

I hope this made sense. PM me or leave a comment on the review if you have any questions or want to talk more.

Good luck and keep writing!

Hannah

Sarai here for a review!

So I really enjoyed this poem, it has a nice flow and is an easy read. But maybe you could italicize the questions so the readers put emphasis on the questions.

Feeling right or feeling wrong?

Which is the sickness?

So accustomed to the wrongness,

The rightness seems wrong.

In Heaven or in Hell?

Such is the question.

Most the first, many the second,

But some remain in between.

Black or white?

Neither is chosen.

Even the sky colors itself gray.

In this, lost and found come together;

And we all remain ill.