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Young Writers Society


18+ Language Violence Mature Content

Twis***e

by WWombat


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.

There he was: sparkling like a pixie, caught in the tangles of energetic squabble, with the butterfly of my soul. His divine bod did much to fantasize me, and to allow me to fall into his hunky arms. I remembered the days in high school with him. His tenure in soccer always caught my eye, as he caressed the football. I could see his gleaming brown eyes, the sort that a hawk would die for, and his impressive set of shiny white teeth. This man was pure and raw sex, with a rather biting appeal.

He approached me, and gripped my arms. He put his tongue into my ear and bellowed,

"Take me to the hill."

"Why?"

"I want to show you a magic wonderland."

Turns out this wonderland was in his jeans, beyond the fabric of his underwear. I always wondered if a creature of the night could still possess an erection. Upon ripping off his jeans, to reveal a throbbing shaft which had been waiting a thousand years to have another chance at maximum please, my question was answered. The veins all along the rhythm stick were brown and unearthed. I feared that one slip and I too will become a creature of the night. Then again, I'd be his creature for eternal bliss.

He bared his raw, sharp teeth and went for my neck. I allowed him plenty of access to anywhere and everywhere; except for my clitoris- it was at high risk of being bitten off.

Suddenly, a pack of wolves showed up, really hairy and snarling with long, sharp teeth. However, not even their long hair could match the length of my lover's pubic hair- the most impressive bush of all. The pack of wolves fucked off.

And we were left alone, at last, to make love. He slammed into me like a bull in a china shop, my vagina being the china shop. I could feel his loins burning like a pleasure volcano; my leakage covering his mountainous rod like an avalanche on a Sunday morning in Colorado. His sexy bod had many centuries of exercise, and looked like he drank a million egg whites in a row. His fanning for flesh transferred from a want for blood to a want for my vagina.

He pulled out, and started to observe my thighs, and sunk two teeth inside. Oh shit. I had just become a vampire. Oh well, I always wanted to die during sex.


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User avatar
9 Reviews


Points: 240
Reviews: 9

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Fri Apr 25, 2014 9:56 am
MBrooks wrote a review...



So... you decided to make a rip off from Twilight I assume?
well, since I love Twilight, I am going to try and keep my opinion to myself when reading this because I think your work is so different from the original it would be impossible to compare them anyway.
So basicaly, this is really rude.
'except for my clitoris- it was at high risk of being bitten off. ' i've no idea who the characrer is that is narrating this but it doesn't really matter. Either way it is still openly sexual and quite exciting. 'He pulled out, and started to observe my thighs, and sunk two teeth inside. Oh shit. I had just become a vampire. Oh well, I always wanted to die during sex. ' I like this bit, it's funny as well. Hee hee
I think you should write more like this because it's silly and it has tones of good writing to it, but I think the ending seemed a bit rushed and you could do to work on that.
I hope you will Mr Hangman because you have a lot of potential.
:D




User avatar
133 Reviews


Points: 1053
Reviews: 133

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Fri Apr 25, 2014 8:44 am
ShakespeareWallah wrote a review...



Hey there,

A nice story you've got here.

I could not find any thing to screw with in here. I like your descriptions very much. However, this is very short. You should expand it a bit more.

He approached me, and gripped my arms. He put his tongue into my ear and bellowed,

English isn't my native language so I may very well not get this. But how can he talk if his tongue is in her ear. Maybe it's a phrase I'm unaware of.
Suddenly, a pack of wolves showed up, really hairy and snarling with long, sharp teeth. However, not even their long hair could match the length of my lover's pubic hair- the most impressive bush of all. The pack of wolves fucked off.


How did the wolves come? From where did they enter? Was there a fight? How did that go? You give so many good descriptions. So, when you abruptly talk about wolves suddenly coming out of nowhere, it took me out of focus. I'd love some descriptions on the wolf.
Also, the comparison of wolves to her "lover's" pubic hair length is a bit off-putting. It made me visualize pubic hair. Maybe that was what you were going for.

One last thing:
Oh shit. I had just become a vampire. Oh well, I always wanted to die during sex.

I don't really like this line. It's the ending line and therefore should be powerful. This sounds immature, and alienated me from the whole story.

Okay, the story is a real gem. You're a very good writer. Keep writing!
Un.





I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
— Solomon Short