Hello . So, let's see, I honestly always love a good fantasy and so far yours seems promise quite a nice story. I like the idea of different races and mixings between those, and the fact that it doesn't perjudicate any kind of heritage as long as they're apparently blood related.
I do like how you began with such and encounter and you did show how much these 2 loved each other.
Of course, a whole bunch of context is needed to really grasp a whole of the situation correctly but as far as it goes I believe I have enough of an idea to keep reading and find out more.
Now, I'd like to know why does the father have such an autority over them both, is it some kind of power that bounds them to him? Or maybe just the presence he has as the head of the family? I'm eager to know.
And the only thing I found lacking was about the lack of impact that the conversation with the father had, I believe It could be more dramatic so as to prove the situation between those two.
Last, but not least, Is the fact that you use dialogues to go through the story and explain things. I believe a little more of narration here and there would be better than to have like a two thirds of dialogues and just one paragraph or such of proper narration....just a bit more as to not hinder your style.
All of this is just adressed to the first chapter since I haven't read the rest, but I sure will!
Also, I really like the title she has "The Pirate Queen", sounds quite cool if you ask me
Points: 352
Reviews: 12
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