Young Writers Society

Hey there Cc!
I want to give you a review, but I'm not exactly sure how to review this. So instead of going through a writing what I think you did well and what could be better, I'm going to do something different. I'm going to tell you what I felt while reading this. What it made me -as an individual (not speaking for the majority of readers)- think. I hope that this will give you a perspective of how other's perceive your writing, and from there you can gauge if you did what you wanted to do or not, and what needs changing and what is perfect.

The beginning is very blunt. I think it was a very good way to start it. The bluntness prepared me for the rest of the piece. Nice job there.

I have to say I was a little disappointed when the story went to talk about the past, not the present. I understand that that is probably what you wanted to talk about from the beginning. But I think that the story would benefit from a little more about the present as well. Little things like why life isn't so complicated now, or how she now feels about what happened in the past, and little things like that which can be dispersed throughout the piece. I really want to know more about the narrator, and I think things like that would help.

I like how you didn't go to much into the narrator's mother. Usually when a child loses a parent they will want to go on about it, and a lot of writers go overboard with that and it ends up distracting readers from the actual story. I was quite impressed that you didn't fall into that trap.
But when reading that part I kept wondering why the father drinks. Is it because his wife died? Or was he a drinker before that? So in some ways not giving any information about the mother pulled away from the story, because it made me wonder about other things (I can be easily distracted). I think what is really needed is a balance.

I have to say I was very hurt by the father's reaction to Emily getting cancer. It pushed me to believe that he drinks because his wife died, but I'm still not sure (and it's still distracting me). I like how you pull at my emotions so easily. That is a very important skill for writers.

Then we get to Austin. I think he sounds a little cliche. Although it probably isn't so cliche in your head. So more description about him, how he met the narrator, and why she loves him so much (is it just because he helped her? oh look, I'm distracted again), would easily fix the cliche-ness.

Did her father intentionally hit Austin? What was he driving? Did Austin die right away? Did she have a chance to say goodbye? Oh! I am so distracted.

Now, closer to the end, things make a little more sense. The point of this story was to explain why things are less complicated (nice foreshadowing!).

Again, here at the end. you play with my emotions. Hearing about the narrator's story has made me care for her a great deal. And then she brings up the possibility of suicide? Every part of my body yearns to tell her no, don't do it, you can make it, all you need is to keep believing, just get away from your father, then you can start over, find something to believe in. All those thoughts race through my mind at once. Then they are quietly squelched out when you bring to my attention that she will see all those she loved again. Then I'm left wishing there was another way. And I'm left to wonder if she would try to go on, if only someone had told her she could?

What a powerful ending.


Now some stuff more like a normal review...

Overall this piece was very touching, and pretty good. The only thing is description. I found myself getting caught up asking whats whys hows and buts. A little more description would be helpful. Although you don't want to add too much. I think that the shortness is good. It enhances the solemn feel of the story.
Speaking of which, you did very good with pulling on my emotions. I think this is the only thing that has managed to get me so sad in such a short time.

Overall this was a really good story. I get caught up in the ending. It's just so... powerful.

I hope that the narrator figures things out and continues to try. And I hope that you continue to write such powerful works for a long time to come. Wonderful job. I look forward to reading more of your works.

~WW

Hello, there! I'm going to be really nitpicky here, so I hope you don't mind. If it seems harsh, just remember I want to help.

This is going to be a short story.

It all started a year ago.
After I lost my sister.

It all started a year ago, after I lost my sister.

After all, my Dad was a drunk, and my Mum died years ago in childbirth.

"She killed your mother; it serves her right," he would always say.

I stopped him from hurting Emily, though.

At nine, Emily died.

.He helped me stop cutting.

Then, last weekend, Austin got hit by a drunk driver, killing him.

My father.

Good bye, cruel world.

This is such a good story. I don't really understand why everyone thinks it was a poem. I like the fact that it was a suicide story. I also like the way you set it up. It looks more like a note.
Just a couple of errors.

"My Farther." you spelled that wrong. But don't think I'm being nitpicky.

All in all this was a really good story.

I quite enjoyed this, you are a great writer babygirl, and a great reviewer. If you want to see a sucky review well I'm about to write one:{P alright I liked this poem because it reminded me of say a suicide note, very well written if I do say so myself, you could really feel an emotional punch reading this girls, story, I'll say. If I did find one flaw, its that you may have gone overboard with her story, I mean I like the emotion of Mikes death, but killed by her father? I'm sorry but it's a little overboard, maybe just say a drunk? Anyways great story overall, keep it up darlin:{D

Okay.

You've got a lot of spelling errors. Some were pointed out by FatCowsSis. Some were not. I recommend you go through and edit and reread this. A few examples:

They were from a time when life was more compacted.

It all stared year ago.

A year ago, my sister got canser.

He gave me gave me someone to talk to.

Hey CcIsAwesome!! Sis her for a review! I have my poem reviewing style down, but I'm not quite sure how I'm going to do Short Stories yet so, let's just go with the flow. I'm going to start with a few nitpicky things.

I see my scars. Pail and dull.

My Dad was a drunk and, my Mum is dead years ago in child birth.

Then last weened he got hit my a drunk driver, killing him. My Farther.