Young Writers Society

Where does the poem start? I am guessing it starts after the italics, You should make it more clear because I thought the italics were part of it but yeah I got confused.

Something to pass time.

I can slice through the sky, race atop the heavens and sprint on air.

I used them to open letters and uncork bottles.

Hi Joe,I would like to review on this wonderful poem.I think you go through with a short time with this poem.

# You taught me how to fly.-->It is maybe a bit like cli·ché?A phrase or opinion that is overused and betrays a lack of original thought.

Before I was stuck on the ground, longing for the sky. -->I like the opening here.Something so nice and wonderful imaginary.

# I would search the barren landscape in search of a game-->Game?Can you describe what is it?

Something to pass time. -->Well,the title is a comparison between the feeling to YWS with 'fly' but now,these lines looks like out of topic.I don't get the real meaning here.

# Now I can soar through the clouds and race with the birds

I can slice through the sky, race atop the heavens and sprint on air. -->Finally back to the theme!This is beautiful.Well-written and good diction.

# When I was grounded my wings seemed useless-->You lost the rhythm here

I used them to open letters and uncork bottles.

You taught me how to use them.

You taught me how to fly. -->My dear,I hope to see more than this.You can improve this part ! Keep it up
Kudos,cheers
~Dark

Happy Review Day!

Ooh, nice poem! I can definitely relate! I will start off with a comment on the format. Nice decision with centering it. I always like my poems like that.

Okay, so let's take a look at the first two lines, or rather, the ends: fly and sky. It rhymes, yes? That bugs me, because then I expect the rest of the poem to rhyme, and it doesn't. Plus, those two are so overused. So what I suggest is alternatives or synonyms for one of those words, or both. Perhaps "soar" for fly? Whatever floats your boat - just a suggestion!

Besides that, I literally have no more quarrels with this. The imagery was beautiful! Also, very nice choice od words, especially with the last few lines. As a reader, I can say I realky feel your emotion and love for this site. You take the words out of my mouth!

Overall, nice job! It was a pleasure to read.

For Team Blue,
~Iggy

Hey Hightop here to review-day to review!

Firstly, on your layout, this is very attractive to look at, but overall serves no purpose. I feel like it's kind of pointless, but it's your choice really.

I liked your descriptions and comparisons. Especially the metaphor of plot/poetry ideas to 'game'. Another one I liked is your metaphor of hands to wings. It made me think of how, as writers, our hands are our wings. Well it makes sense in my head.

I have no real problem with this. One thing that irked me a little was that you said "taught me to fly". With flying being a metaphor for writing, I think this seems a bit out of place. You were probably writing before YWS, so it didn't teach you how to 'fly', to use your words, but it taught you how to 'soar' (sticking with the flying metaphor). I think something along the lines of that would be a nice addition to this poem.

Other than that I had no problems with this poem. It was interesting and fun to read, and made me think back over my experience at YWS. Well done on this Joe, and keep writing