z

Young Writers Society


12+

The Nightmare Begins-Chapter 3

by XxKaixX


“Alright kiddies, get to bed we have a big day tomorrow!” Ms. Adams exclaimed with a ton of energy.

“How does she have this much energy at nine o’clock at night?” I wondered if she had any coffee earlier. After I finished eating dinner, I walked lifelessly back upstairs to my room. My mind kept replaying the event that happened earlier when I was in the hallway. I climbed up to my bed and plopped down on my pillow. I just don’t understand how something from a dream can be real. I just keep confusing myself the more I keep asking myself this question.

“Hey, Chantal?” Jessica began. I just made this little noise that means she can continue what she was saying.

“Are you surprised about what I said earlier?” She continued.

“Not really,” I said tiredly.

“What?!Why not? Surely someone like you should be surprised!”

“Shut up! Jesus Christ!” hissed another girl on the other side of the room.

“Hey! You don’t say the Lord’s name in vain!” I hissed back.

“Whatever,” she said, “Just go to sleep.”

“Anyways I’m not that surprised because I have some more important things to think about right now. I’ll think about it a little more tomorrow.”

“Does it have to do with anything that’s about to happen tomorrow?” Jessica probed even further. I thought by saying that she would leave me alone and let me think for at least two seconds.

“Yes, now hush so I can go to sleep,” I said. Jessica finally got into her bed and said goodnight to everyone. To tell you the truth, I didn’t want to go to sleep. I was scared of what Mr. Shadow would say if I told him what happened to me. Also I was scared about what tomorrow had in store for me. But no matter how much I force myself to stay awake; I still ended up drifting off into a pleasant sleep that will again wake me up scared.

“Did you get my little message?” said a deep dark voice that knew way Mr. Shadow’s.

“What message?” I asked while looking around. Usually when I get into Mr. Shadow’s home I end up trying to get my eyes to adjust to the darkness. But this time it’s completely dark so I just stopped trying.

“The message I gave you in the hallway today.” I was completely surprised and scared that he knew what happened.

“You tripped and fell on some little kid’s toy and that’s when my message popped up saying that I am real,” He said.

I couldn’t let him mess with my head this way! Sure he’s been in my head for the past couple of years but this is just something on a higher level. Something that’s in my head can’t be real right? Unless if it’s story or a career you want to have that you can make it come true, but this is a shadow! I try to calm myself down and limit all that I was just confused about into one question.

“What are you exactly?” I asked with bravery in my voice. When I’m scared the nightmare usually results in me dying in a terrible way and right now I’m so terrified that if it was one of the younger kids in this nightmare they would have already pissed their pants.

“The only thing I could possibly be, a Nightmare,” He responded. Even though I couldn’t see him I knew he was smirking.

“You know I was actually expecting a more specific answer,” I said harshly. I heard my voice waver a little when I told him that. So much for trying to have courage.

“Fine, I’ll tell you,” He began. “You might as well seat since explaining this might take a while. I was planning to sit on the floor, but Mr. Shadow created a chair for me to sit on.

“Well, first off nobody knows when or where we came from.”

“Well that’s a nice start for a story,” I said.

“Hey, do you want me tell you or not?”

“Continue,”

“Anyways, Nightmares from long ago tried to live among humans. They tried acting like them and working the same way and it worked, for a while. A group of humans started to observe them and ask them personal questions because they were suspicious of them since they randomly popped into their town. After a year or two, the humans noticed how the Nightmares never ate food around the townspeople. They always seemed to disappear during lunch. So one day the townspeople followed the Nightmares until they came to a clearing in a forest. Legend says that the group of Nightmares that were living in the town always kidnapped one person to feed from.”

“And why would they steal a person and not eat normal food?” I asked.

“The Nightmares noticed how they would feel sick after they ate the human food and went to others for help. Somehow they learned that they can’t eat human’s food and had to eat their thoughts, dreams, and nightmares. Does that answer your question?” He asked a bit annoyed. I guessed it’s because he had to explain this to me.

“One more Question. If Nightmares could eat dreams and thoughts, then why don’t you?’’ I know I’m getting him mad with all these questions.

“Because dreams and thoughts are too weak to satisfy me and I want more power and more things to eat so I, well actually all Nightmares, make and take nightmares,” He said with pride.

“Are you a power addict or addicted to power or something like that? And also why would you want a whole ton of power if you have nothing to use it on? Also what do you look like as a human? And what’s your real name?”

“Chantal, please shut up…” I think I gave him a headache and that’s very bad. Usually when I get Mr. Shadow a headache, or mad or annoyed he kills me in a very… bad way. We sat in an awkward silence; well I sat in an awkward silence. Mr. Shadow was somewhere in the area. Suddenly, I heard a loud bang that scared me so much that I literally jumped out of my seat.

“Are you happy now?” He said annoyed but more tiredly.

“Happy at what? I can’t even see my own hands,” I said.

“Oh… Right, right.”

With a snap of a finger, a bright light blinded my eyes leaving me on the floor wondering what just happened. I had to wait, while rubbing my head because I think I hit the ground, for my eyes to adjust to the normal pearl white, door less room. In front of me stood a tall man that looks like he may be in his early twenties. He had golden-brown hair with a black shirt that showed off his large muscles and black pants.

“Sooo….” I started.

“Yes, it’s still Mr. Shadow,” He said with an attitude.

“Weird.”

“What’s weird?”

“You not having a deep dark voice and looking like a crazy person.”

“Okay,” He said weirdly. “Anyways, I’m not a power addict and my name is Dylan. Also the question about the power and stuff I’m going to do once I get enough power, I really don’t know.”

“Well that’s a stupid answer.”

“I know but I think yesterday I had an answer for your question since you asked a similar question. It’s really strange because I can’t remember it and I usually don’t forget things.” Dylan had this strange look on his face which I guess is his thinking face.

“Okay. Well, since you can’t answer that question then answer this one.” I wasn’t really sure about asking this question, but it’s worth a shot.

“Why did you….kill my family?” I started to shake again. Asking such a question always scared me.

“I never killed your family,” He said. Okay now I think I’m going crazy.

“But just yesterday you were taking about why I didn’t heed your warning about you being behind me at the fair!”

“Maybe I’m forgetting everything because of my headache. If I remember anything then I’ll tell you and you can ask all the questions you need to ask. I’ll let you off today since my head’s killing me.” He looks kind of cool when he’s frustrated. Ugghhh…. I’m such a weirdo. I must be the type who likes older boys instead of ones who are my age. That’s just plain weird.

I didn’t dare push forward with questions or even just starting a normal conversation. All I did for the time being was swallow all the information Dylan gave me. I really didn’t need to know the rest of the Nightmares’ history so I made up my own little ending to the lesson. I sort of understand a little bit more about nightmares.


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User avatar
1417 Reviews


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Reviews: 1417

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Sun Oct 27, 2013 12:58 pm
Noelle wrote a review...



Hi there! Noelle here for a Review Day review!

I haven't read the other chapters yet, but I figured I'd review this anyway. So please excuse any of my ignorance.

First off, I'd like to say that you've totally grabbed my interest here. Your story is very interesting. The idea of nightmares being more than just a thing is what really intrigues me. It's a very original idea. I'm impressed. I don't think I'd ever be able to come up with something like that. And the way you keep building the suspense and creating mystery keeps me reading. Although you do reveal a lot in this chapter, there's still a lot I want to know. I'll definitely be reading your other chapters sometime in the next few days :)

There's really only one thing that I think you can improve upon in this piece. There's an awful lot of dialogue. Now I understand that you want to reveal a lot in this chapter, but that doesn't mean that you have to only use dialogue. I used to have a problem with that (I may still have that problem, who knows). I made a rule of thumb. If there's four or more straight paragraphs of dialogue, there has to be at least one paragraph on non-dialogue. This paragraph could consist of description, character thoughts, random information that pops into your head; just something to give the readers more to read than just a conversation.

Overall I really enjoy this story. Like I said, I'll be reading the other chapters sometime soon.

Keep writing!
**Noelle**




XxKaixX says...


Thank you!



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363 Reviews


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Reviews: 363

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Sun Oct 27, 2013 8:12 am
DreamWork wrote a review...



Hello XxKaixX, Dream here with review on your story. First of all, Happy Review Day!
I begin my review of the understanding with this chapter, the main character is a girl who probably lived in the dorm (along with some other young girls ). I think I need to read the first chapter, but it looks like I need to give a review with this chapter first. Your story interesting! Yes, that's right. With The existence of suspense on the main character (Chantal-unique name) makes a nice story to read. About why she was afraid, until she could not sleep well. Then Mr. Shadow appears and exposed readers about the exact nature of his mysterious. He is a Nightmare and some more legends told by him.

Anyways, Nightmares from long ago tried to live among humans. They* tried acting like them and working the same way and it worked, for a while.

After all, he is part of the Nightmare, isn't? So I think you should use 'we' instead of 'they'.
I walked lifelessly*
“And why would they steal* a person and not eat normal food?” I asked.

*Steal use for a things, so you should use 'kidnap' for a person.
Overall, You already have a good story here, just need to improve some more precise diction to the clarity of the story. I am not sure on the grammar, I leave it to people who are more pro on it. Keep it up! :D
kudos,cheers.




XxKaixX says...


Thank you for the help! I'll definitely change what you pointed out!




i am neither a loose leaf nor do i like loose leafs. really, i am a piece of wide-ruled looseleaf paper
— looseleaf