Young Writers Society

Hello there! I'm here to review!
This was a really mysterious and beautiful poem. None of it made much sense to me, however. I know plenty of poems don't make much sense, but I prefer one with a little bit of a story line or message. This poem, while stunningly gorgeous, *seemed* to have some actual meaning behind it, but I just got so caught up in the metaphors and the pretty language and the pretty rhythm and the pretty rhyme that I completely lost all sense of direction in this.
I wish this (a) wasn't double spaced as to allow the length and the scrolling to lessen, and (b) had stanzas. I read in one of the previous comments that you didn't know how to include stanzas. or that they didn't carry over. You see that edit work button on the side? Click it. I'd try to change your poem, because the lack of stanzas and the double spacing only adds to the dizziness, and perhaps stanzas would bring more meaning to this mess of symbols.

But It was very beautiful, and I feel like I learned something, even if I have no idea what I learned. You have great talent, you just need direction!
Just keep writing!
~Fortis

Wow this is a great poem! The word choice is excellent and it shows you have a very large vocabulary. I also have to commend you on the rhyming with was amazing! I thought the concept of this piece was lovely and the execution was very well done. All in all a great poem. Now for my critiques.

I really wish this piece was divided into stanzas. Stanzas can help bring order to a poem and help with cadence. I feel like this poem would've had a better rhythm and would've been more organized if it had stanzas. Another thing I would suggest doing is reading the poem aloud. Sometimes when you read a poem on paper you don't catch the inconsistencies in rhythm, but when you read the same piece out loud, you do. Read it out loud an really focus on how it all flows together, this should help fix some of the problems with cadence.

Hello, lovely! Hope you're okay with me reviewing this, and I apologise if I get a bit harsh, but I think this piece can stand up to my review.

I'd like to start off with your rhyme scheme, the standard AABBCC etc. It's quite effective, used as a rhetorical strategy to pull the reader throughout the piece and thread a similar theme - however, due to your uneven meter in some lines, it comes off as quite awkward in places, especially when the meter and emphasis varies ever-so-slightly between two lines. Sometimes a big variation is better than a little one, because a little one leaves readers asking "why does that make me uncomfortable? I don't like that."

However, I absolutely adore your first two lines - they're probably my favourite in the entire piece. A good question to get the reader to start asking, and a good way to hook in someone who's already made the decision to try to read the piece. This also, though, sets up an idea for the reader that the whole poem will follow that scheme of rhyme and punctuation, and you start to lose your punctuation near the end. (Did you run out of full stops and semicolons? I can loan you some; I have quite a few left over, says the freeverse writer.)

Your word choice also seems to be lacking, but only in that you had an idea of the word you wanted to use, then used a word that sounded similar to it instead. Spell check is your enemy - use a thesaurus or a dictionary to look up the spelling you think you want to use, then find out what spelling it is you actually wanted to use. For example, you use "self's insulate price", but to insulate is to isolate, segregate, or line protectively (such as soundproof insulation in a room). I think you meant to use "insolent" - but feel free to tell me if I'm wrong!

Also, I think your repetition of "Catharsis" undermines those two lines - they're a weak link in the poem, besides the lack of punctuation towards the end. (Seriously, did you burn your full stops and semicolons?) I'm not sure if this is a stylistic choice or not, but it could definitely benefit from changing either of those lines a little - perhaps the first one, as "catharsis" doesn't usually shine, considering it's torturous and cleansing. I'm not sure on this.

Another weakness with your diction is that you seem adamant to use all these obscure words and meanings of words, and put your phrases in odd orders, many of which make no sense - consider this a heavy recommendation that you look over this and try to write it so someone doesn't have to read it with a dictionary and grammar book by their side. I understand what "anon" means, but many would read it as a short form of "anonymous" or have to look it up, and you don't want to be that snobby poet (yes, that one. that one you hate).

Overall, very genius idea, not so genius execution. Not horrible, but it could use some work - just know that I absolutely adore the lead-in, and I enjoy the end (but would enjoy it more with some punctuation, coughcough), I just think that you don't want to ride by on your beginnings and endings. A good poet is known for the entirety of their poem, not just five lines!

ALRIGHT! The rhyming is flawless, and the message very convoluted and poetic.
It kept me reading, and enthralled thru-ought the whole piece. =3

Alright, there are a few tid bits I left out of my general review,

There are a bunch of places here that seem to be in repetition. =/ It steals from the piece, but it also adds to it. Hard to explain.
There is a whole lot of imagery painted here and conveyed emotion. Also a constant reference to sticks and stones, and a few lines that confuse me.

Carry me home on waves of obsolete dread

Obsolete dread? the obsolete, alters the rhyme flow here. -.- and the words definition seems to step away.

I can't go over them all, for that would rob the next reviewer,
A good piece still standing, and with this I bid thee adieu,

Keep writing, I hope to read more.