Young Writers Society

Every hour,
Seems like a waste.
Beautiful flowers
And cerulean lakes.

Green and Yellow.
Red, white and blue.
Simply irrelevant.
Until I met you.

The sun goes down
And my heart fervours up.
Be brave I say,
It won’t hurt that much.

It’s hard to find courage,
When you’re stumbling through pain.
A lion once in rage.
My spirit on chains.

I guess this is it,
What you say,
When you really don’t know what to say.
Lost in a whirl of self preservation.
Copying with your own life’s,
self devastation.

Okay, so I loved this poem . I really did, if flowed (mostly) really well, and everything seemed to fit together....However, here are my suggestions:

Every hour,
Seems like a waste.
Beautiful flowers
And cerulean lakes.This is great, but I don't see how flowers and lakes relate to time being wasted, could you expand and/or explain?

Green and Yellow.
Red, white and blue.
Simply irrelevant.
Until I met you.Very cuteeee

The sun goes down
And my heart fervours up.Fervours is not a word....And I'm not entirely sure what it is supposed to mean, which draws away from the serious tone of the poem. Also, "up" breaks the rhythm.....I'm not sure how this could be fixed, but I would revise this stanza a bit.
Be brave I say,
It won’t hurt that much.

It’s hard to find courage,
When you’re stumbling through pain.
A lion once in rage.
My spirit on chains.Again, I'm having trouble relating this to the first two lines....almost as if it was put here simply because it sounded good, not because it made complete sense.

I guess this is it,
What you say,This should be combined with the line above to make it flow better
When you really don’t know what to say.You've used "say" twice here, is there another way you could phrase this to make it sound less awkward?
Lost in a whirl of self preservation.
Copying with your own life’s,
self devastation.This should be one line.

My only other critique is that it seems to end mid sentence. I would suggest adding me, and explaining more, because as it stands it seems like you kind of tried to force three stories into one poem. There seems to be a lot of emotion behind this, but you've channeled this emotion in a way that doesn't make total sense. This poem has great potential, and it's up to you to make it perfect .

Hiya Katie xoxo Um First Of All I Like Your Use Of Descriptive Words That Fit In With The Sentences ,I Also Think My Favourite Verse Is ..
"It’s hard to find courage,
When you’re stumbling through pain.
A lion once in rage.
My spirit on chains."

It Makes Me Smile As I've Been Through What You Were Describing So Well Done On Making The Reader Feel,I Was Also Drawn In By The Title And Once I Started Reading I Couldnt Stop ^^ I Cant Work But Some Long Words That Work As Lyrics But Over All I Brilliant Peace Of Poem Congrats And Keep Writing
Hope I Could Help xo I,ll Follow You ;D
-Sian xox