Young Writers Society

A spray of cool air, spiced with salt,
Washes over the speeding dhows,
And brings cool to the sweltering heat.
The adept sailor looks out,
Wondering at what the day will reap:
Hordes of fish, perhaps a pearl.
His life and future based upon
The many spoils of the sea.

A stream of cool air, sweet scented,
Passes between the date palms,
And refreshes the shade beneath.
The eager student looks down,
Reading over his notes for the day:
Pages scrawled over with words.
His life and future based upon
The equations in his books.

A rush of cool air, blowing strong,
Wraps around the building tops,
And dances from cranes to concrete.
The skilled engineer looks up,
Envisioning future projects:
Mind-altering skyscrapers.
Our lives and futures based upon
The blueprints he helps design.

A breath of cool air, filled with life,
Sidles around street corners,
And waves the flags of red and white.
The lithe children look round,
Laughing cheerfully as they play:
The ball flies, the children run.
Their lives and futures based upon
Now and then, both past and present.

This is Bahrain.
Diverse, charming, bustling Bahrain.
This is Bahrain.
Delightful, colorful, beautiful Bahrain.

Wow. You are quite loyal to your country. I praise you for being so! We can clearly tell by the soothing and welcoming message that you have portrayed here! The imagery was divine and graceful! Your words flowed just like water across my eyes. Just like the tears that threatened them when I read your piece. You have inspired me. I also adore your use of syllables and that pattern you mentioned! Thank you for sharing this piece with us! Keep writing!

I really liked this poem, and it seems like you did a very good job. You seem to be very loyal to your country and that is something to pride yourself upon , so good job.
The only thing that I have to say is (and it might just be because I'm not used to reading this type of poetry) that the rhyme scheme seemed a bit forced, and really threw me off a bit at first. I felt it hard to grasp the meaning of the poem completely the first time because of the rhyme scheme. Especially in the first part of this poem. Again, it may just be me, but take a look and see what you think, and if you think there's room for improvement. Hope that helped, even if just a little. This is a great poem . Great job.