Young Writers Society

I never would have guessed
On that day years ago
That you would stoop to this level,
To this girl I didn’t know.

We were supposedly friends forever,
The truest fish in the sea,
But nothing lasts forever
And I guess it wasn’t meant to be.

And yeah, I’m gonna miss you
If I have to sever the ties.
But I just don’t wanna put up with
Your new filthy, skanky lies!

I don’t know the girl you’ve become;
It seems just last week you were… you.
But now you’ve become a phony;
Your intentions are no longer true.

Oh, you’ve made your point to us.
You’ve shouted it loud and clear.
I’ve found a new best friend, you see,
So you won’t find me anywhere near.

I’m nobody’s fool, you should know
After all this wasted time.
I’m not gonna chase after you;
I’ve got bigger mountains to climb.

Maybe release wasn’t so great, was it,
When you’re crawling back to me
I’m not gonna make it that easy;
There’s a reason your fake friends set you free.

You’re not going to to back to who you were,
No matter how much I wish
I thought I could trust you forever,
But lately you’ve become a bitch.

Just remember that I love you
If our friendship truly has to end.
It wasn’t cause I stopped caring,
It’s because you stopped being a friend.

I like the rhyming words you used so that the words would flow flawlessly among the topic. What I didn't like was that you will go on and on about how you loved to be her friend and that you still love her but, she changed and you don't want to be friends anymore. That occured in almost every stanza, and I have to say, its really annoying when that happens because then, the reader expects whats going to happen and gets bored with reading the same thing.

Don't get me wrong, I think its a good poem but needs a little work. That's ok because that's what this site is for. I hope you take my advice into consideration and use it to make your poems better. I'm looking forward to seeing more.

Hi there, SkyeDreamer.

First, don't apologize for writing a long poem. Words are what writers like after all, don't you think?

So while reading it, I was thinking that you're an amazing writer. Your poem flows greatly, it was sweet (even though you weren't talking to the greatest person in the world), captivating, and to me, it was simply perfect... but then I read the last word in the stanza before the last. Not that I care whether if you use it or not, but I don't think it fits the rest of your poem and your sweet words. It felt like suddenly, somebody kidnapped me, and took me to a different place! D: Kind of let me hanging. xD I really think you could use another word other than 'bitch' to show what you want in a way that it doesn't distract the reader from reading the end of this amazing poem.

Honestly,
Solly<3

The wording of this poem really gave it meaning and feeling, and the title ended up giving it a good...oomph to the meaning. I liked how you made every other line rhyme, but still kept your point clear and stated what you wanted to say.

I never would have guessed
On that day years ago
That you would stoop to this level,
To this girl I didn’t know.

Very good way to start the poem. It really caught my attention and made me want to read more.

We were supposedly friends forever,
The truest fish in the sea,
But nothing lasts forever
And I guess it wasn’t meant to be.

And yeah, I’m gonna miss you
If I have to sever the ties.
But I just don’t wanna put up with
Your new filthy, skanky lies!

Very, very nice. Loved reading these and these were honestly my favorite part of the poem.

I don't know the girl you’ve become;
It seems just last week you were… you.
But now you’ve become a phony;
Your intentions are no longer true.

Again, good wording. You made the point really, really clear but didn't just outright say it. Also like the rhyming a lot.

Oh, you’ve made your point to us.
You’ve shouted it loud and clear.
I’ve found a new best friend, you see,
So you won’t find me anywhere near.

I was sorta iffy about the two last lines of this poem. They just sounded awkward to me, but maybe it's just my personal feelings.

I’m nobody’s fool, you should know
After all this wasted time.
I’m not gonna chase after you;
I’ve got bigger mountains to climb.

Again, very good.

Maybe release wasn’t so great, was it,
When you’re crawling back to me
I’m not gonna make it that easy;
There’s a reason your fake friends set you free.

This also sounded awkward at first and I had to reread it to understand it, but once I reread it it didn't sound too bad.

You’re not going to to back to who you were,
No matter how much I wish
I thought I could trust you forever,
But lately you’ve become a bitch.

Just remember that I love you
If our friendship truly has to end.
It wasn’t cause I stopped caring,
It’s because you stopped being a friend.

The first stanza in this quote is very nice and has a good flow. The second one is a great way to end the poem, especially the last line because it gives extra definition to the meaning of the poem. All in all, good flow of the entire poem except for those awkward sounding bits, nice rhyming and a very good piece. Keep writing!