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Young Writers Society


running along the train-tracks (mature language)



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16 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 16
Thu Apr 07, 2005 12:35 am
filmcanister says...



Today is a day for yesterday's music and beat;
for tasting my own lips where my heart pounded after you kissed them,

back when you kissed them.

It's a train-track feeling; remembering with a mechanical rhythm
prompted by a hopeful necessity in my eyes,

back when you fucked me, rhythmically.

Everything was in rhythm and machines; the systematic growth and disregard
of skin cells near the drain in my bathtub,

back when you stroked my hand as we rode the train home.

We listened and raced to each other's hearts, as I run alone to this song;
I know the words more than I can remember yours,

back when our bodies moved in tandem.
  





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148 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 890
Reviews: 148
Thu Apr 07, 2005 2:54 am
ohhewwo says...



This was actually really, good. I say "actually," because I'm sure that someone's going to be totally phased by line six.

But, that line may actually be a little too ... um ... I don't know, modern? Non-poetic? But, whatever, it's all about the style you choose.

But, this was pretty good! I'm looking forward to more.
  





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321 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 321
Fri Apr 08, 2005 7:08 am
Liz says...



Nah, I like a bit of spunk in a poem.
This had a nice tone. Good work.
purple sneakers
  








You wake up in the morning and it feels impossible? Good. You do it anyway.
— Martin Scorcese