Young Writers Society

I want to cry
But the tears won't come.


Why should they?
For it's stupid
All so stupid.


Yet here I am, losing sleep.
Forever wondering
What might have been.

Did I do the right thing?
Did I give up too soon?
I suppose I'll never know.

They try to tell me
What I could have done
Should have done
But how could they understand?

They call me a wimp,
Am I really?
Or is that just how they make me feel?


Last chance to redeem my shame
Last chance to conquer the menace
And I blow it.

But if I ever find myself
Facing it again
This time, I will make it.

wow, this was good. Though was did the person in the poem blow?

You really need to find your own individual voice. This just stinks off common teenage angst and repetition, just like every poem someone will ever write when they are depressed, and showcases none of your talents. Certain lines are just bad, line breaks sometimes disrupt the flow in a poor way etc. The best thing I picked up from this was you did pour your emotions into it. It just didn't come off the best it could. Also, I thinky ou should avoid too many questions, because they are hard to pull off well in a poem.


I want to cry
But the tears won't come.

Why should they?
For it's stupid
All so stupid.

Yet here I am, losing sleep.
Forever wondering
What might have been. ------> Ahh! Terrible enjambement here. It totally breaks the flow. Also, this last line seems to pop up in every single similar poem.

Did I do the right thing?
Did I give up too soon?
I suppose I'll never know.

They try to tell me
What I could have done
Should have done
But how could they understand?

They call me a wimp,
Am I really?
Or is that just how they make me feel?
Was I too optimistic? -------------> Take off this stanza, it just ruins the whole peice. Try and be a bit more subtle and metaphorical about your thoughts.

Last chance to redeem my shame
Last chance to conquer the menace
And I blow it. -------------------------> Best three lines in the poem. Really good stuff here. This is what we want to see more of from you.

But if I ever find myself
Facing it again
This time, I will make it.

Wow you guys raise this poem up from the depths of the ancient threads and I didn't even notice!

Thanks for your comments. I wrote this when I was literally losing sleep over something really stupid. A few months before, I had tried to do this High Ropes Course at a summer camp and it was the last year I could go. And guess what? I blew it! Big surprise there. Later some kid called me a wimp because when I tried another obstacle, I stopped because this old cut reopened and it was bleeding all over the place. And the night I wrote this like five months later, I agonized over what might have been.

I don't think I'm going to change it. Those were some good suggestions, Firestarter, but I like this poem just the way it is. Actually, I think I will take out that optimistic line. It doesn't make sense in this context.