Young Writers Society

novel:prologue
"No, you don't know what you're doing." a young man's voice echoed through the dark alley in London. it was the dead hour of the night, a time which 'things' come out, as the rumour says. Then,lightning came and a second figure appeared. He, compared to the one covered in fear, was apparently taller and and wearing something strange... a mask.full black clothes with a mask and a dagger in his hand only meant one thing, it's him.
Jack, his name passed on for decades. no one knows who, or what, he is. he is never seen, never heard nor found. but everyone knows he's there. killing people with ' fashion' once in a while. police could never trace him. just nothing is found. he just disappears.
the masked devil sank his dagger into his chest and pressed "Yoh.... yo.. dn't" were his last words before he stared blankly at him with blood oozing out from his chest."easy" and his voice disappeared with the thunder. he put a blood-red rose into his chest and strode off confidently.
suddenly, Jack was slammed into the wall head first. he hadn't even register what had happened before he felt his stomach being ripped open. he fell and a creature flung itself at him. its eyes were glowing white, black fur covered all of its body but its muscles could still be clearly seen despite the darkness. however, among the chaos, he recognised one thing- the gaping red wound staring at him like an eyeball that he had made with his dagger."it couldn't be" he thought. it then then that it finally hit him. he used the last bit of his strength and took out his watch and stared at it. a few second dragged itself by but the second hand didn't move. "yes," the creature opened its mouth"it's the 25th hour" with that, it came upon him and began enjoying its little treat in the dead hour.
That, was the fall of a great empire; but not the beginning of a new age


Alright, this is my idea of a new story that I'm planning, if interested, gimme advises n check out Enserade at blogger, hopefully this short passage brought you into my world for a while:D

Hey Cyberdillo!

I'm not really sure what advice I could give on this. It seems more like a fragment of a scene than a full plot idea.

Have you thought about where Jack actually comes from? Or where the plotline is going after the prologue? Right now I can only see a really mysterious character, which is good! But, not much else at the moment.

If you had a plotline or a pitch rather than a snippit you might get more interest in it.