Young Writers Society

And there is the first line.
With a shaking hand, he pretends it’s permanent--a tattoo among paper dolls.
Must be majestic, must be fit for a queen.
Careful now, for it mustn’t smudge, and it mustn’t crack
This will not be a temporary funeral, just a temporary death
and the grandeur feeling of perpetuating desire.
And there are the lips now, precariously shaded red.
The hair is sporadic, displayed like a forest of electricity.
It is fragile, really, this art.
So fragile that he’ll put it in a glass cage and save it from itself
And the monster can be let out when it’s ready
But he is ready now. And for this moment, he is an artist of persona.
Yes, for he can be permanent, a tattoo among paper dolls.
Please do not crack, please do not smudge
“Just remain intact,” he says.
“You would’ve made a beautiful girl.”

*

And what does it make you think of?

For the record, it's some cross between a poem and a short-story-in-progress.

Is it a line or a paragraph/stanza? Well, anyways, sorry for not replying as fast as I can; I've actually read this passage before, but I only got the guts to reply now. Sorry (again).

Anywho, a poetic story (or prose poetry, whichever way you'd like to put it) requires a challenging form, thus it tends to always try to capture the reader's attention. The complexity and flexibility of it are what mostly matters, see.

Now, I actually think that I'd be very happy to read more of the piece you started with what you presented. The suspense provided by each line, all defining how the character draws, sketches, moves and diminishes, actually builds up the interest, giving the readers something to wait for.

I know it's out of your question, but I do have some tips on starting on the rest of the piece. First, since this is a poem-styled piece, I think every word matters as much as every stanza. This can only be considered as wholly great if you can balance the poetic interface of the piece while maintaining the progression of the tale. Second, I think it will be strange for some new readers to find this kind of piece. The style can't appeal to everyone, you know. So, if you've the time, try to produce some patterns here and there to make the thing very much whole as possible. Lastly, don't constrict yourself too much. I know I just said to limit your use of lines, but if you believe you can express your thoughts in a longer manner, there's time to change it to a more prose form.

All I can say now is that I'll read it. However, you need to keep that progression all throughout the story, okay!

Good luck on writing!

Yours indefinitely,
Alf