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The Tale Of Desperaux.

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Sun Apr 26, 2009 6:50 pm
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Icefire63111 says...



Hey guys. I'm currently getting a C- in English (Which is Werid) AQnd I need to get a 100 on this to raise my grade.

[b]SUMMARY[/b]

The tale Of Desperaux takes place in the middle ages, inside of a castle. The main character is a mouse, named Desperaux. Other characters include a Rat named Roscuro, A princess, and a serving Girl named Miggery Sow.
One day, the mouse, Desperaux hears music being played. He goes to find the source and sees the king pllaying the guitar Princess. He comes closer to here the music better and the princess picks him up.Another mouse sees him and reports it to the mouse Council. This Council decides to send Desperaux to the dugeon for human contact. Once in the dugeon,he tells himself a story, which the jailer hears and decides to save Desperaux's life.
Then the story changes to the life of a rat named Roscuro, who lives in the dugeon. Roscuro chews on the rope of the Jailer one day, and for puinshment, the Jailer picks him up and burns his face. Roscuro, however, becomes obseesed with light and one day travels upstairs.
The day he goes upstairs, Roscuro finds himself in the middle of a party, and climbs up the chandilair to see better.
He falls off and land's in the queen's soup. The Queen , falls out of her chair, has a heart attack, and dies.
The king, decides to oulaw soup. He sends guaurds to collect all soup related things, They find a slave by the name of Miggery Sow, and bevause slaves are illgeal, they take her to the caslte to be a paid servant, She is given the job of taking the jailer's food to him. Every day, she sings about being a princesss while taking the food down.
One day, Roscuro hears her and decides to lie to her. Roscuro tells Miggery Sow one the way up to the kitchen that He'll make her into princess if she kidnaps the real Princess.
Desperaux, who is hidden on tray, hears Roscuro's pan and decides to warn the princess.
Once upstairs, he runs to go find her, only to have the cook chop his tail off. He hides and sleeps, while Roscuro and Miggery Sow put there plan into action.
During the night, they take a knife and go the the Princess, and forcve her into the dugeon where Miggery Sow finds out Roscuro's true plan.
Desperaux wakes up to find his tail missing. He is confroted by another mouse who gives him a needle tto use to fight off rats in the dugeon.
He goes to the dugeon, and finds the princess. She comes out of shock and talks to the rat, who agrees to lead them out of the dugeon in exchange for soup.
That's the end!



[b]Why This book won a Newbury Award[/b]

I think that the Tale of Desperaux Won for many reasons. One reason is that it has an unquine main character and plot, where it is a mouse trying to save a princess from a rat. Another reason is that it changed from Desperaux's point of view to Miggery Sow's and Roscuros, and also gave there life before The book. Also, alot of things in the book came together, like how Miggery Sow's father had been in the dugeon the whole time. Those are the reasons that the book won a Newbury Award.

[b]Main Character[/b]

The main character in this book was Desperaux. He changed in three ways throughout the book. First, he changes physically because his tail is chopped off. He also becomes less sickly. Desperaux also changes emotionally, and becomes more brave, and is no longer cowardly. That is how he changes as the story progresses.

[b]Probelm And Solution[/b]

The main probelm is that the rat, Roscuro wants the dugeon to have something from the world of light in the dugeon. So he convences Miggery Sow to kidnap the princess and take her to the dugeon.
The solution is that Desperaux goes to the dugeon. His presence snaps the princess out of shockand she convince Roscuro to lead them out of the dugeon in exchange for no puinshment and illegal soup.
He agrees, and everything returns to normal.
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Fri May 15, 2009 6:31 pm
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ZlyWilk says...



KEY:
Cross out-Probelm
Bold-Correction
Red-What The Probelm Was
The tale Of Desperaux takes place in the middle ages, inside of a castle. The main character is a mouse, named Desperaux. Other characters include a Rat named Roscuro, [s]A[/s] a princess, and a serving [s]Girl[/s] girl named Miggery Sow. 'Girl' and 'a' should not be captalized.
One day, [s]the mouse,[/s] Desperaux hears music being played. You've already mentioned that Desperaux was a mouse. Don't repeat yourself. He goes to find the source and sees the king [s]pllaying[/s] playing the guitar to the Princess. 'Playing' only has one L, and 'to the' was added to the sentence because otherwise it is not correct grammar. [s]He[/s] Desperaux comes closer to here the music better and the princess picks him up. Since you mentioned the king in the previous sentence, it's not clear who you mean by 'he'. Desperaux talks to the princess, which is against the mouse law. It is not against the law for the princess to pick him up, just for mice to speak to people. Another mouse sees him and reports it to the [s]mouse[/s] Mouse Council. If you're going to captalize council, captalize mouse too. This Council decides to send Desperaux to the dugeon for [s]human contact[/s] for having contact with humans. It's easier to understand this way. Once in the dugeon,[SPACE]he tells himself a story, which the jailer hears and decides to save Desperaux's life. You didn't put a space after the comma in dungeon, and you should of. Also, I dislike how you made it so abrupt that the jailer wanted to save Desperaux's life. Write about that.
Then the story changes to the life of a rat named Roscuro, who lives in the dugeon. Roscuro chews on the rope of the Jailer one day, and for [s]puinshment[/s] punishment, the Jailer picks him up and burns his face. Roscuro, however, becomes [s]obseesed[/s] obsessed with light and one day travels upstairs. Misspellings.
The day he goes upstairs, Roscuro finds himself in the middle of a party, and climbs up the [s]chandilair[/s] chandelier to see better. Again, misspelling.
He falls off and [s]land's[/s] lands in the queen's soup. The Queen[NO SPACE], falls out of her chair, has a heart attack, and dies. You only use ' when you're using ownership or between abbreviation in words like don't, you're, and won't. Also, no space between 'The Queen' and the comma.
The king[s],[/s] decides to oulaw soup. No comma.When [s]He[/s] he sends guaurds to collect all soup related things, [s]They[/s] they find a slave by the name of Miggery Sow, and [s]bevause[/s] because slaves are illgeal, they take her to the [s]caslte[/s] castle to be a paid servant[s],[/s]. Add a 'when' to the front of the sentence, lowercase 'he', lowercase 'they', misspelled 'because', misspelled 'castle', change the comma at the end to a peroid. She is given the job of taking the jailer's food to him. Every day, she sings about being a [s]princesss[/s] princess while taking the food down. Misspelled princess.
One day, Roscuro hears her and decides to lie to her. Roscuro tells Miggery [s]Sow[/s] on[s]e[/s] the way up to the kitchen that [s]H[/s]he'll make her into princess if she kidnaps the real [s]P[/s]princess. You don't need to repeat Miggery's last name. Misspelled 'on'. Lowercase the 'he'll'. Lowercase princess.
Desperaux, who is hidden on the tray, hears Roscuro's pan and decides to warn the princess.You must add 'the' before tray.
Once upstairs, he runs to go find her, only to have the cook chop his tail off. He hides and falls asleep[s]s[/s], while Roscuro and Miggery Sow put [s]there[/s] they're plan into action. You might want to add where Desperaux slept. Also, tell us that he fell asleep, not just went to sleep. Otherwise, it sounds like he was trying to do a job and 'slept on the job'.
During the night, they take a knife and go the the Princess, and forc[s]v[/s]e her into the dugeon where Miggery Sow finds out Roscuro's true plan. Misspelled force. I don't believe I like the way you worded this; try, 'During the night, they threaten the princess with a knife and force her into the dungeon where Miggery finds out Roscouro was lieing to her, and his true plan was [BLANK].'
[s]Desperaux wakes up to find his tail missing.[/s]You've already told us the cook chopped off his tail. He is [s]confroted[/s] conforted by another mouse who gives him a needle [s]t[/s]to use to fight off rats in the dugeon. Misspelled conforted and to. I also hate how you just make it sound like he finds this mouse suddenly. Give us more description; who is this mouse, where'd he come from, why did he want to help Desperaux?
He goes to the dugeon, and finds the princess. She comes out of shock and talks to the rat, who agrees to lead them out of the dugeon in exchange for soup.Try '... in exchange for the soup law to be lifted...'
That's the end!

Why This book won a Newbury Award

I think that the Tale of Desperaux [s]W[/s]won for many reasons. One reason is that it has an [s]unquine[/s] unique main character and plot, where it is a mouse [s]trying to save a princess from a rat[/s] who ends up saving the princess.From a rat sounds stupid. xP Just take that out to make Desperaux sound even cooler. Another reason is that it changed from Desperaux's point of view to Miggery Sow's and Roscuro's, and also gave [s]there[/s] they're life before [s]T[/s]the book. Also, alot of things in the book came together, like how Miggery Sow's father had been in the dugeon the whole time.The whole time what? Give us description; tell us what significance that was. Those are the reasons that the book won a Newbury Award.

Main Character

The main character in this book was Desperaux. He changed in three ways throughout the book. First, he changes physically because his tail is chopped off. He also becomes less sickly. Desperaux also changes emotionally, and becomes more brave, and is no longer cowardly. That is how he changes as the story progresses. I hate how this is the first time you're describing Desperaux's illness. Describe it earlier on, please.



OVERALL:
You could of done better. Alot of mistakes, and I hate how you left alot out that I really enjoyed in the book. Try to make your report more lengthy, and I can't wait to see the final draft!

Love & Blessings,
Aushy
formerly GoldenQuill

Donna: You alright?
Doctor: I'm always alright.
Donna: Is 'always alright' secret Time Lord code for really not alright at all?
Doctor: Why?
Donna: Because I'm alright too.

I review everything.




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Thu Jun 11, 2009 4:17 pm
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TheWordsmith says...



Here's my contribution:

The main character is a mouse , named Despereaux.


The comma makes it kind of stilted.

He comes closer to hear the music better and the princess picks him up.


The correct form of "here/hear".

This Council decides to send Despereaux to the dungeon for human contact. Once in the dungeon, he tells himself a story, which the jailer hears and decides to save Despereaux's life.


Grammatical corrections and a question: Why did the jailer decide to save the mouse's life? That part was a bit unclear.

Roscuro chews on the rope of the Jailer one day, and for punishment, the Jailer picks him up and burns his face.


Just another misspelling. And if you're going to capitalize "Jailer", do it throughout the whole report.

The day he goes upstairs, Roscuro finds himself in the middle of a party, and climbs up the chandelier to see better.


Another misspelling...

He falls off and land's in the queen's soup. The Queen , falls out of her chair, has a heart attack, and dies. The king, decides to outlaw soup. He sends guards to collect all soup-related things. They find a slave by the name of Miggery Sow, and because slaves are illegeal, they take her to the castle to be a paid servant instead. She is given the job of taking the jailer's food to him. Every day, she sings about being a princess while taking the food down.


No apostrophe in "lands", and no comma between "Queen" and "falls" or "King" and "decides", please. Again, please keep capitalizations constant throughout the report; earlier the King was the King, and now he's just the king, if you get my meaning.
And it never said what the Queen died of, just that "she died as she lived", that is, making the statement that "There is a rat in my soup".
As far as I know, Mig bungled a few jobs before being given the job of bringing Gregory his food. Also, there was just the one day that she sang, and you forgot to mention that her greatest wish was to be a princess.

[s]One day,[/s] Roscuro hears her and decides to lie to her. Roscuro tells Miggery Sow on[s]e[/s] the way up to the kitchen that [s]He'll[/s] he'll make her into princess if she helps him kidnaps the real Princess.


He [s]is confronted by[/s] seeks out[/s] another mouse who gives him a needle to use to fight off rats in the dungeon.


You forgot to mention that the dungeon is a maze, and Despereaux also receives some thread to find his way through the maze.

Another reason is that it changed from Desperaux's point of view to Miggery Sow's and Roscuro[b]'s, and also gave there life before [s]The[/s] the book.


The rest of it was quite good, except that you forgot to mention some things, like why Princess Pea went into shock; that the book was divided into three Books inside: Book The First (I think it's A Mouse Is Born), Book the Second (Roscuro), and Book The Third (Gor! The Tale of Miggery Sow); why Mig's father was in the dungeon, and that she was mostly deaf due to Uncle's giving her "good clout to the ear"s; and such interesting facts such as Roscuro's full name and what it means; that Mig was named after her father's favorite pig; how terribly frightening the dungeon was; and that they live in the Kingdom of Dor.

Hope that helps!
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