Young Writers Society

Home » Forums » Community » Lounge, The » Homework Help

Letter Review!

Post a reply
User avatar
5 Reviews


Gender: Female
Points: 800
Reviews: 5
Mon Apr 13, 2009 1:07 am
View Likes
emeraldmaria says...



So, basically... I had to write a letter to my principle about why he shouldn't take intensified Egnlish out of my school program. Well here it is!


Dear *principle name,

I was aware that you want to take the intensified English program out of *school name. I dislike this idea. Intensified English is important to the students and the teachers. When teachers have 20-30 students in the room with different intellectual development and abilities, it’s difficult to give them all a good education. Not that the ones not in intensified English are dumb, but they can’t learn as fast as the others, go as quick a pace. A teacher would have to work at a medium, and having a medium would mean that the ones who should be intensified English would not learn as much, if anything at all, and the ones who shouldn’t be in intensified English would have a very hard time keeping up. I know from personal experience that if you are put into a class that goes too slow for you, your grades actually drops. You get so bored in the classroom so you begin to slack off and not pay attention to anything. When I was put into normal English and Reading in 6th grade I got A’s and B’s. Now, in intensified English I get straight A’s. I like all of my English and Reading teachers the same, and I think that they are all good teachers, so it couldn’t be their teaching that caused my grades to drop. The same case that I experienced in 6th grade is not the only one at Kenmore. Loads of other students had the same dilemma. Putting everyone in the same level of English class will affect many grades, and put more work on the already hard working teachers.

Sincerely, *my name


*private
"After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, 'No hablo ingles.'"




Random avatar

Gender: None specified
Points: 650
Reviews: 10
Thu Jun 11, 2009 4:50 pm
View Likes
TheWordsmith says...



It was good, but a bit confusing. If you're trying for the business letter approach, it would go something like this. The suggestions in asterisks are your choice, of course, and if you like anything better differently, keep it that way.

Dear Principal Name,


I am aware that you would like to take Intensified English off the school program. This would be a *big word for bad* idea, considering that the subject in question is important to both teachers and students for many reasons.

When there are twenty or more students in each class, each with different intellectual and emotional development and abilities, it's difficult to give each pupil a *synonym for good*, well-rounded education. Again, it has been proven that people learn at different speeds and in different ways. The teacher would have to work at a pace that is too fast for some people and too slow for others in the hopes that the majority would have a well enough understanding of the subject.

Personal experience and many examples throughout history has shown that being put in a subject that is below your level results in worse grades than if your class was at the right level. You get so bored with the class because you already know that material, and begin not to pay attention to the teacher.

For example, when I was put into normal English and Reading in 6th grade I got A’s and B’s. Now, in intensified English I get straight A’s. I like all of my English and Reading teachers the same, and I think that they are all good teachers, so it couldn’t be their teaching that caused my grades to drop.

The same case that I experienced in 6th grade is not the only one at Kenmore. Loads of other students had the same dilemma. Putting everyone in the same level of English class will affect many grades, and put more work on the already hard working teachers.

Sincerely,
My Name



When you're exceptionally polite, and point to other cases in history (which subtly suggests your good grades in History, as well) and to scientific studies (which says the same "Look, I'm good in this subject!") you not only increase the respect you are given, but also causes them to give more thought to your words. Also, since you've implied that you are in Intensified English, using just enough "big words" might help you plead your case. Also, a few pages with research from the studies that you studiously researched can't go wrong, either.
Bad spellars of the world, untie! - T-shirt

Join iSpy! Click here!




User avatar
937 Reviews


Gender: Other
Points: 73769
Reviews: 937
Thu Jun 11, 2009 8:45 pm
View Likes
Rosey Unicorn says...



I agree with TheWordsmith. I find this letter to be a bit confusing. Partially from the wordings (It felt like you were missing several words in the compound sentences), and partially because it's all one paragraph.

Tips:

~ Milk each idea/point you want to make. That means creating a full paragraph for each, giving examples. An outline would look something like this.

A- Your opening- Why you don't want intensified English taken away from the curriculum.

B- Reason one
1- Example to back it up

C- Reason two
1- Example to back it up

D- Reason three
1- Example to back it up.

E- Close with what you want him to do. Like, "Please consider my letter when drafting the new curriculum next year."

Put "respectfully" or something like that, and your name.

~ Give each idea their own paragraphs for clarity.

~ Keep it to about three reasons so your letter is more likely to be read. Long letters can scare people away.

Those tips turns this letter into an essay, and an essay is one of the most effective ways to get your point across.

Hope this helps!

~Rosey
You know you're a writer when you're not alarmed at hearing voices in your head, you can't read a book without analyzing it for plot & characters and you consider something you nearly killed yourself to write the most rewarding.

Guilty as charged.




Random avatar

Gender: Male
Points: 650
Reviews: 11
Fri Jun 12, 2009 5:29 am
View Likes
Exialac says...



That sucks. I love English Class. AP English is soul amazing. Even if I fall asleep or doodle in class. (Art/ Poetry will always be my first passion :).)


Well this is usually my template for stuff like this :

Usually I'll start off with an interesting/amazing/relevant metaphor or something to captivate the audience. Since this is a formal request to someone of a respected position (principal *scoffs*) then we'll ignore that in this case.

Then I'll start off with the topic sentence with my reasons (3 is usually the magic number :) ). After you have that sorted then you will state the reasons from weakest to the strongest point with all the proper anecdotes, solid evidence, common knowledge etc to support your reasons.

So it should look something like this

Address (i.e Dear Principal)
Opening (as in your interesting opening with topic sentence or just your topic sentence)
Reason 1. (Point Proof Comment) repeat as necessary
Conclusion ( Usually a distorted version of our opening)

Sincerely (or something similar)
emeraldmaria

Tips
1. Intensified English sounds a bit too informally pretentious. Try using enriched.

2. You jumble up your points and you which causes reader confusion. What makes sense to you does not usually makes sense to others.

3. Sucking up helps. Appealing to the principals nostalgia might change his mind. Nostalgia is usually oh so sweet. Damn candy coating. (I.e ...I'm sure you would have never reached such an exalted position at this school if it were not for your schooling...) Don't make it too obvious, then it just becomes too obnoxious depending on how conceited your principal is.

4. Use Academic proof to support your thesis/topic sentence. Show him that you spent your time and you researched said issue.

5. Show him the effects of "intensified English". Using above average vocab or even words he himself lacks in his literary diet may impress him. ( Don't overdose. Adults are rather conceited. Using words that they don't know may be a HUGE hit to their egos)

6. Show the principal that others care too about the withdrawal of the program. Use examples from everyone from the student body, teachers and the community.

7. Suggest the impact of good English on other courses. For example your Research papers in science might be better now that you know how to write an essay.

8. Be extremely polite. Do not use slang, teen speak or to a certain extent idioms. It sounds extremely informal and you are taking a higher English course after all...

9. Emotional Appeals. A child in distress always evokes parental concern in any given adult. Include petitions/surveys/other support to boost your campaign.

10. Have parents call in. Schools serve the community. The community is made up of your parents/you!

If all else fails, contact your nearest media outlet. They always love stories about kids doing stuff for their communities and fighting for a cause. They are journalists after all so they will be more than happy to raise awareness. Even if it happens to be printed in the last page of the newspaper.

Good Luck ^^ I hope they renew your program!
Nostalgia is like a grammar lesson. You find the present tense and the past perfect.







cron