Young Writers Society

She's got eyes like saucers. Round and perpetually stunned as if the world is far too large, and there are far too many things to accomplish for one with incredulous aspirations. And they are incredulous, dreamt up in a lively subconscious which banters and barters away anything that doesn't fit. That shouldn't fit. As long as she has rhymne or reason, she is capable of giving and taking.

Giving and taking. Giving and taking.

New work clothes. No groceries. A spacious Audi. Water shut off. That cup of expensive Starbucks coffee is the only meal she can afford, but she affords it every morning. Enough heat to flush the pale out of her cheeks, and bring life back to a faltering mind.

But she's got dreams. Big, luminous dreams that conquer basic needs and basic wants.

She's a favourite employee, working hard to impress yet having nothing to show for it. Not a friend. Not a lover. She better suits her time to the basic needs of her married boss who promises bonuses and promotions she never seems to get. As she lays back on his desk, her mind reels towards the truth of the matter. The reality of her position.

It's only a matter of time, she thinks, squandering her youth staring at computer screens that read like foreign languages now. Programs she knew in an out yet couldn't care enough to concentrate on. Her focus was on the pounding in her head; the pattering of her hummingbird heart.

Her saucer eyes are wide, but dim. Worried eyes. Eyes that show her strain and her troubles. And she is troubled, even with such a calculating subsconscious. The losses are no longer equaling the gain. The giving has become the only facet of her prodigious lifestyle.

As she readies herself for an abortion, the world turns its head. And she turns hers. His life for hers. His life of everything she's built. Now was the test she had been waiting for.

And she keeps giving and taking. Giving and taking.

Hey Walker!

I really do think you have a talent for telling a story without dialogue. I can't wait to read your nano novel if you post

You're great at giving us just enough information so that we can connect the dots ourselves. When you mentioned her lying on the desk I assumed she was sleeping with the boss. All part of her plan to get somewhere in life, yes? It's sad because I can really imagine that there are people just like the MC in the world. People who will do almost anything to get what they want, be it a lifestyle or a dream.

Programs she knew in an out yet couldn't care enough to concentrate on.

I think 'an' should be 'and'

New work clothes. No groceries. A spacious Audi. Water shut off. That cup of expensive Starbucks coffee is the only meal she can afford, but she affords it every morning.

This is my favourite part. I love how you've displayed her life to us in such a simple way, without words, but it works. It tells us from the word go that she's someone who wants to look good to others. She wants to make the right impressions, be it only on the outside. On the inside, she's struggling and denying herself the basics that others wouldn't give up just so they're liked.

But she's got dreams. Big, luminous dreams that conquer basic needs and basic wants.

The same here. It's so simple, yet it paints the picture so well.

Overall, the MC comes across as a smart woman who knows what she wants, but behind closed doors, she's really scraping the barrel so that she can put on a good show. The whole concept is realistic and I think that's what makes it so enjoyable and easy to read.

I'm really loving this new style of writing that you're trying out!

xDudettex

I really liked this. I liked the way you described the woman, and how easily the reader could understand her. You could see her life, her fears, everything. All without any dialogue. Very good, I like.