Love those images, Plume! "key-lime-in-the-summer green" was particularly vivid for me. I remember being like o.o when I first saw a picture of key lime pie, so that line reminded me of that. I also love all the repetition and the long images strung together with dashes - it makes it very recitable.
Remember: when people tell you something’s wrong or doesn’t work for them, they are almost always right. When they tell you exactly what they think is wrong and how to fix it, they are almost always wrong. — Neil Gaiman
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