His brow furrowed at that, and he looked back at her again. What in the world did she have in mind? He didn't need some sort of tribute. "You mean it," he said after a pause. "I have no doubt of that; I don't need any confirmation." Did she really think she had come across as insincere? And again--what could she possible think she ought to do?
"The artist deals with what cannot be said in words. The artist whose medium is fiction does this in words. The novelist says in words what cannot be said in words." --Ursula K. Le Guin
Okay. Well... at least she'd tried. And it seemed like she was toying with it becoming a bad move, given the expression he was looking at her with. Best to just cut her losses. This was as positive of a note as she could hope for at this point. Should she leave? Or should she give it a moment to see if he had anything he wanted to say in return?
"u and rina are systematically watering down the grammar of yws" - Atticus "From the fish mother to the fish death god." - lehmanf "A fish stole my identity. I blame shady" - Omni [they/he]
He looked again at the door and made a small move toward it, then stopped and sighed. "Sera told me you were afraid we would harm you for what you did," he said after a pause. "Why would you think that?"
"The artist deals with what cannot be said in words. The artist whose medium is fiction does this in words. The novelist says in words what cannot be said in words." --Ursula K. Le Guin
"I..." Gods. That was not at all the direction she'd expected the conversation to go. She swallowed hard, trying to choose her words carefully. "... guess I am still... he flogged me for lying about something benign. Threatened to kill me for sloppy handwriting. I... I know I'm safe now. None of you would ever do anything like that. I know that. But... if I'd done something like this a few months ago... I..." She swallowed hard, trying to find her point, and shook her head slightly. "I'm sorry if -- sorry --" Gods, why did she apologize for apologizing? It always made things worse. "I didn't mean to offend you. It has everything to do with me and nothing to do with you. I... still don't understand why you... aren't punishing me for it. But I... I guess my brain reverted... I... I don't know. I deserve much more than a two-week ban. But my anxiety wasn't fair to any of you. It was just... him. Still. Always him..." She sighed. "That doesn't make sense. I... don't know."
"u and rina are systematically watering down the grammar of yws" - Atticus "From the fish mother to the fish death god." - lehmanf "A fish stole my identity. I blame shady" - Omni [they/he]
Gaius dipped his head. He'd figured that might be the case. It still hurt to think she'd think of him or any of his family that way. "I was just curious," he replied, then limped toward the door.
"The artist deals with what cannot be said in words. The artist whose medium is fiction does this in words. The novelist says in words what cannot be said in words." --Ursula K. Le Guin
Ky watched him, chest tight. That’d been the wrong answer… right? She couldn’t read him. But she shouldn’t have likened him to Aleth. That’s not how she meant it at all. Was that how it’d come across?
“I… didn’t mean… I wasn’t comparing…” she knew fully well that trying to justify herself would just make things worse. Fewer words. And yet she couldn’t just let the conversation end there, with him thinking that she thought he was a monster. “It’s just been a very long time since I’ve been corrected rather than punished. I have no concept of what appropriate consequences are… I… feel like I’ve more or less behaved myself since my rescue. I’m sulky and annoying, I know. But I haven’t…this was the first time I…” She rubbed her face, frustrated with herself. Her mind flicked back to what Gaius had said on the trip here, though. “… I guess I am still learning my own triggers… and I guess I… now know what I need to work on unlearning.”
"u and rina are systematically watering down the grammar of yws" - Atticus "From the fish mother to the fish death god." - lehmanf "A fish stole my identity. I blame shady" - Omni [they/he]
Gaius stopped and turned back to her, listening to all of this. "It's good you recognize that." Perhaps she should talk to Emery. He had been the same way--worse, even--when he came here. Ky could learn a thing or two from him. Maybe he'd talk to Emery and see how he felt about that. Gaius did still very much want to leave, but he could see Ky didn't want him to. Not yet. He hadn't said the right things. What did she want him to say, then?
"The artist deals with what cannot be said in words. The artist whose medium is fiction does this in words. The novelist says in words what cannot be said in words." --Ursula K. Le Guin
Ky looked at him for a moment, then ducked her head. She couldn’t tell if that was the right thing to say or not. But it was clear he wanted to leave. So. Well. She supposed she should stop. Let him take his ice elsewhere; it was clear she wasn’t melting it even a little.
"u and rina are systematically watering down the grammar of yws" - Atticus "From the fish mother to the fish death god." - lehmanf "A fish stole my identity. I blame shady" - Omni [they/he]
"Would you want to talk to someone with a similar experience?" he asked after a pause. He really had no obligation to talk any more. She'd gone quiet. Which meant that maybe he could leave. But he figured he ought to make sure first.
"The artist deals with what cannot be said in words. The artist whose medium is fiction does this in words. The novelist says in words what cannot be said in words." --Ursula K. Le Guin
“Um…” Gods. What was the right answer here? Was he offering himself? Because, no, not really. She felt very vulnerable. And so, so bad. But if not him, then who? And did he want her to say yes? She didn’t know. Yet she felt like she should agree. She couldn’t very well claim she was going to work on herself, then refuse a tutor. “Maybe, yeah?”
"u and rina are systematically watering down the grammar of yws" - Atticus "From the fish mother to the fish death god." - lehmanf "A fish stole my identity. I blame shady" - Omni [they/he]
Gaius dipped his head. "I'll find you someone, if you wish. It might do you some good."
"The artist deals with what cannot be said in words. The artist whose medium is fiction does this in words. The novelist says in words what cannot be said in words." --Ursula K. Le Guin
Ky dipped her head as well. It’d be uncomfortable as fuck. And she clearly wasn’t going to trust anyone here. They’d all report straight back to Gaius with whatever she said or did. She had proof of that now; he’d just admitted to as much with Sera. But maybe she could get some tips all the same. If nothing else, it’d be evidence that she was going to do what she said she was and work on herself. “… thank you.”
"u and rina are systematically watering down the grammar of yws" - Atticus "From the fish mother to the fish death god." - lehmanf "A fish stole my identity. I blame shady" - Omni [they/he]
"Goodbye, then." He glanced toward the door, then back at her, then departed as swiftly as possible.
"The artist deals with what cannot be said in words. The artist whose medium is fiction does this in words. The novelist says in words what cannot be said in words." --Ursula K. Le Guin
Ky nodded again and watched him go, letting out a breath of relief. That’d gone as well as possible. They’d have to see if it helped.
"u and rina are systematically watering down the grammar of yws" - Atticus "From the fish mother to the fish death god." - lehmanf "A fish stole my identity. I blame shady" - Omni [they/he]
Gaius took a deep breath as he left, wincing inwardly. That wasn't as bad as it could have gone. It could have gone better. It could have just not happened. He supposed he wasn't completely sorry it happened, though. It had been a sincere apology, not ham-fisted at all.
"The artist deals with what cannot be said in words. The artist whose medium is fiction does this in words. The novelist says in words what cannot be said in words." --Ursula K. Le Guin
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