Young Writers Society

I really like this story. I feel as though you have alot of amazing reviews here, and that I would be repeating what most of them said, so this review will be one short and sweet. I think you should re-read your chapters before you post them so you can find the tiny mistakes first

have a great day,
Tiffany

Thanks.

Hello there, Shubhi!

Here as requested.

“I told you that you are no good. I am more talented, powerful and smarter than you,” I was talking to the dead Amanda. But there was no reply in protest of my comment because dead can’t speak.

Till now he has directed forty two films out of which only four failed to rock the box-office.

“She is my manager and best friend, Olivia Hurley. We have been friends since we were like...eight.

Add another period for a complete ellipsis.

Aside from those things, I really liked this! esp. if you read the prologue first and then this one. You might need to fix out those commas and ellipses, by the way.
This really confused me, why would Olivia think of her past after shooting Amanda? My point here is that you should get straight to the point to the 'why' she would kill her if you would recall the past. But anyway, I really liked this! It had a smooth flow and the 'flashback' effect was really nice.

Keep writing!

Peace out!

As with the prologue, this first chapter seems to be lacking. Amanda is horrible, which means a lot of people wouldn't want her around, and it would seem reasonable that someone who has been trampled by her all the time would eventually crack. But, in the prologue Olivia mentioned different motives, like how Amanda gets everything she wants. This makes Olivia less likable, because her motives seem a little too materialistic.

Perhaps Olivia would be better as more of a Cinderella character. Making her completely humble even in Amanda's shadow would make her stand out a bit more.

Lastly, if this story is going to be split between past and present so much, it would be best to find another way of separating the two. Italics are more difficult to read than normal font, so if they're going to be used over a longer period of time, you might be better using different headings instead.

Hey again, shubhi~! Again, you’ve gotten a lot of reviews for this chapter, so I’m probably not going to stumble on anything new for you here, but I’ll do what I can.

Well, turns out I was wrong. XD Amanda really is a bit of a nasty person, huh? XDD I’m actually a bit disappointed finding this out—it makes her rather less of a fully-developed, round character and rather more of a cackling villain. However, I suppose it does show a lot more of why Olivia would have eventually snapped, gotten sick of being picked on her by her, so I can see its purpose—and I imagine that a lot of fakeness and sneering really does go on behind the scenes in an acting world like this one.

And this chapter did definitely give me a better impression of who Olivia is and why she eventually just fell apart. I especially liked her moments of comparing herself to being Amanda’s dog, and her own fake worshipful attitude towards Amanda during the conversation at the restaurant. That particularly was actually pretty interesting—it showed that in some ways, Olivia and Amanda aren’t that different. Amanda cultivates a false personality for the cameras, and Olivia cultivates a false personality for Amanda and the people around her. Both these facades are cloyingly sweet but hide something terrible behind them—whether it’s Amanda’s general… witchiness or Olivia’s bitterness and violent impulses.

It was also interesting to see to what degree Olivia is motivated, not just by her hatred of Amanda’s personality, but by her own lost dreams. That was actually something I could sympathize with a bit, having failed at a major goal recently, and I think it added a bit of sadness in the mix of all her anger that made the character more approachable. She’s facing the realization that she can’t be the actress that she’s always dreamed of, and that’s a difficult and painful thing. Despite the fact that she’s technically the “villain” in this scenario, being the killer and all, she’s still very sympathetic, and it’s not hard to be on her side as the protagonist.

I also liked little mentions of things like how the rain reminded her of the night when she first met Amanda—it softens her character, humanizes her a bit, and that makes her an easier protagonist to get close to.

I was wondering a little as I read—as Amanda’s manager, I’m not sure that Olivia would actually be following her around on the red carpet. Granted, I don’t know all that much about Hollywood, but I don’t think managers are generally considered “important” enough to be in the public view for events like this.

You might also want to keep an eye out—this chapter was kind of riddled with little typos. You might want to read the chapter again, slowly, before you post it, to double check for them. : )

Otherwise, though, this is an interesting continuation—I daresay I liked it a little better than the prologue. I’ll be by for chapter two as soon as I can. Until next time!