Also, I have to wonder... her brother! I wonder how he died. Was it because he was turning into a zombie or because someone they knew was a zombie or maybe he just couldn't take anymore? This is an awful thing to have to carry, so I think it should be answered in fuller depth IN SUBSEQUENT CHAPTERS THAT YOU WILL WRITE, OR ELSE.
One thing that I found kind of disappointing... it ends too quickly and there's only one chapter...this one! I think this is the most problematic thing, lol, because this idea has been done so well and you ended it too quickly. I think if you ended it here:
He glanced back at Avi once more, before letting his eyes drop closed.
...then it would be a lot better. Then you could talk about the journey in the next chapter since there WILL be a next chapter, YOU HEAR ME?
YOU NEED TO CONTINUE THIS, OR ELSE.
Not that that's a threat or anything... mwhahahaha.
Look forward to see MORE of this!
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