that lump in my throat is back again. it’s kind of comforting, the way it coils around my neck and sinks onto my chest and wraps around my lungs while i breathe (remember to pace your breaths so not to run out of air) kind of like a weighted blanket that squeezes the anxiety up up up and out. maybe i’m a little nauseous too.
i never used to listen to that lump, just tried to swallow it down silence it because who has time to listen to an intruder that wants to eat away at my productivity, happiness, energy, life. but it only came back stronger, tighter, angrier (no not angry, worried. your body wants you to listen) until i couldn’t help but cry just so it would leave me alone.
but today, i stop.
i boil some water for tea (and hope i remember before it gets cold) so i can soothe my throat, comfort the lump and talk to it like it’s an old friend. because she is. she’s been with me longer than i can remember, even when i wasn’t listening and she cares more than i could know. she’s kept the score. i tap my foot (rhythmically, slowly) and ask her “what are you trying to say?”
hey wolfe! i love this poem so so much. as someone who struggles with anxiety, i really relate to it. you capture the feeling of anxiety perfectly. my favorite line is
it’s kind of comforting, the way it coils around my neck and sinks onto my chest and wraps around my lungs while i breathe
amazing job with this poem; good luck with the rest of your napo! <3
For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace. Romans 6:14 NIV
never apologize for standing up for what you believe in.
previously MomoandAppa, LordMomo, MomoMajesty, and dancingontheclouds
i hear a sharp crack and suddenly my ears are ringing, silence breathing down my neck while my limbs tremble and shake, out of control- imsocold is all i can think while i blink intruding tears away.
the Oracle is watching. he has already spoken. he is waiting for an answer.
blinking faster, thinking maybe if i breathed a little quieter the panic wont feel so loud then my mind can catch up and i can i might be able to perhaps if i just think a little longer.
the Oracle repeats himself. he punctuates his sentence with a laugh and a painfully rhetorical question. the disciples are watching.
my vision is blurry, almost black and the world buckles underneath my feet but only i tumble underneath the weight of their stares their expectant silence overwhelming knocking the breath from my chest and i dont know what the right answer is.
all i know is that i have failed. i must have why else would this silence be so crushing? why wouldnt anyone step forward to save me? am i not worth saving?
“You’re right. I missed that. I’ll get right on it after this meeting ”
Spoiler! :
Slightest bit of context: “the oracle” is what I jokingly refer to one of the most senior coworkers on my team, because he has an answer for just about everything.
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