Young Writers Society

Four girls, Lilly, Ember, Brooke, and Crystal meet at a summer camp. Soon after, they are seperated from their campmates in the wilderness. Each begin to have strange dreams, and they realize, that they may be more connected than friends, and that maybe, the dreams may be real.

Cheers ForestQueen!

I shamefully do not have the time to review it all completely, so I'll add my overall opinion some time later. However, I managed to review your Prologue and Chapter 1 in terms of grammar ^^ I took a quick look at other chapters and I believe I saw familiar mistakes as in the 1st chapter, so I'd like to ask you to check your whole story and fix the mistakes as long as you think I pointed out the right mistakes =).

Now, how about I tell what I think of Prologue and Chapter 1?
In Prologue I liked the poem, it felt right for the Prologue. The following scene in Prologue though bugged me a bit, but that's maybe just me. It doesn't seem right for me to have this scene, where every MC is crying, as a Prologue.

Now I'll go to chapter 1. I don't mind going with the volleyball tournament at the start and finding out a bit about Ember's family. However, what followed for whole chapter made me wonder : When will something sudden happen or some action? All I found out in 1st chapter is in key points : volleyball won, a bit about Laura, Ember's dad and Lilly, department store and the clothes for Ember. I believe we share a different opinion about clothes in writing, but I have to say I seriously lost a bit of interest in reading further due to reading mainly about clothes in 1st chapter. One guy once told me on YWS that readers take two, max. three chapters to make an opinion about the story and then decide whether to read further or not. I shamefully do not have the time to check all the remaining chapters, but in case your action and such comes later than third chapter, I think changing it a bit won't hurt. After all, reading about main characters' clothing and about it all the time is not something a regular reader would like to read about. I myself tend to keep things as clothes to minimum ( I do mention clothes, looks etc with metaphors, but I've never spent that much space on a single character's clothing ).

I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but I just always write what I really think ^^ I hope this helps, I'll try to review the remaining chapters later in my free time and give my overall opinion =)

Have a nice day!
Kyousuke

I've only had enough time to review this much yet, but I love it so far! I'll do the rest later, if you don't mind, and continue updating.
You seem to have problems with confusing who's doing what and confusing whether you're in first or third person. Other than that, a few punctuation and grammer errors and you're all clear! Here's what I've reviewed;

EDIT An update on what I've reviewed; comments in read, my overall thoughts at the bottom of the documet.



~Durrs