Young Writers Society

Just like what the title says, I need your comments ^^
This is the first book I'm working with. Its name is "A shifter's fate" a book filled with Drama, Tragedy, Mystery, Sci-fi, Superpower, Supernatural, Psychological and Mystery.

Plot Synopsis:

“SEED” are people who became contaminated with the unknown pathogen that edits their genes and for some rare cases- they become monsters that no one could identify yet. Most of the humanity evolved rapidly due to this unknown pathogen but their mortality rate decreases. 3 years later, Children who are born with this disease, gained the power called “SIGMA” and far more superior than SEED. Humanity’s fate has been sealed as the mysterious historians called “Meios” watches over them.

In a world full of technology and programs serve as an aid for the next talented soldiers called “Wielder of Servancé”. It is just merely an entertainment for SIGMA- Humans who have enhanced inborn trait for combat that strengthens its power through madness and failures. What future awaits them as they struggle their best to survive in a world full of conflicts.


The story follows Michaelis, a revolutionary scientist and his trusty rival Erzen whose sole purpose is to prove their worth in a “New Order” initiated by the Government. As the world changes rapidly due to their efforts, they found a material that will cause another “Conflict” and they fled for their lives as the government chases them. Will Michaelis’ comrades survive in a world full of unusual disasters or perhaps use this for world domination. What will happen to the fate of SEED, SIGMA, and the rest of the humanity as they fight for their ideals.

Wow. That's a whole lot of genres you're weaving into this story!

First off, I like that the pathogens modify genes, since you have the opportunity to throw in a scientific explanation for this phenomenon. A lot of sci-fi novels don't really explain why the human population has changed or developed, so I hope you can integrate that in here somewhere.

I'm guessing Michaelis and Erzen are maybe just "SEED" people as you've labeled, if they're "proving their worth" compared to the superior "SIGMA" population. I'm a little perplexed at the sudden transition from super soldiers to the scientist main character, but I'm guessing they're all related somehow.

This sounds interesting and I'm looking forward to seeing this in chapter format! Good luck!

Oh my God! You guessed it correctly! One of the mysteries in my story is the real identity of Michael and Erzen if they are either a SEED or SIGMA.

So, this is how it works. SEED people are the people who've been infected by this unknown pathogen. SIGMA population are the result of next generation humans who managed to survive from becoming SEEDs, not monsters. ***SPOILER ALERT*** The new order initiated by the government is finding the CHIP of SIGMA's History- It is the key to the cure of humankind.

Okay, here I am as promised. It's kinda blurry tho, I couldn't get the explanation of the story. So I'm gonna say what I think you're trying to say. Tell me if I'm wrong.

So, there are SEED. These guys got infected by some pathogen that messes with their genes. Then there are SIGMAs, guys who are
born with the pathogen.

Scientists Michaelis and Ezren were trying to make a name for themselves in a world full of overpowered people (SIGMA). But they found something that the New Order government finds harmful to their agenda. So the government chases both of these scientists down. This governent is also looking for the "CHIP of Sigma's History." That's the key to cure humankind.

I guess it's gonna be a slow process, but I wanna get everything clear before I go any further. Or maybe I'm just really dumb and the slow process is all my fault lol

Super mutants and government conspiracies are always great ingredients for a plot.

It you had to wittle this down to a one sentence summary explaining the real heart of the story going to tell, what would it be? At the moment this looks like a bunch of really cool interconnected mechanisms but I can't really find the central control unit yet.

The real heart of the story is finding the Chip of SIGMA's History because it is the key to the human cure.

Kazumi wrote:-snip-

Sorry for late reply and don't squish me! >.<

So, yeah! You got it all right! I think I should add more mystery but everything will be a slow process. Maybe for my first book, I'll explain the world they live right now while there are hints and theories for finding the Chip of Sigma's History.

I won't squissh you, I'm not that mean lol.

This one's a story that's easy to pitch. As in, a publishing company will probably accept this idea because it's big and flashy and new readers will probably be intrigued by the idea. However, I'm more concerned about the smaller details and the execution of the story. Like, the character of Michaelis and Ezren, their development, their relationship with each other and other characters, the time and place they live in, etc.

By execution of the story, I mean how you write. It's kind of like how a painter paints. If the idea of a painter is really good but he's super bad at painting, then it's gonna suck anyway.

Also, why don't you try writing the first chapter already? Don't worry if it's bad or good. Just do your best and we'll help you improve from there. If you don't want, you can write a short story instead so you can practice before the 1st chapter.

Also also, I think what @Tenyo is trying to say is summarize the story in one sentence. I think what you gave was the main goal of the characters in the story.

Kazumi wrote:-snip-

Probably it would be, fighting your own ideals or accept your new ideology.

Also, I created my chapter 1, My story starts from the pre future to past of Michaelis and Erzen. By doing so, readers will know what currently is the world they live right now.
A Shifter's Fate Chapter 1