Young Writers Society

Have you ever had one of those experiences where God speaks so clearly it's like He's posted road signs for you? Or, I guess if you don't believe in God, have you ever had one of those experiences where the entire freaking UNIVERSE seems to be screaming at you to do something? Where everything you hear, read, and see seems to validate your decision?

I had one of those.

I realized the other night that the college I'm registered for is the college that I chose because I wanted to make my parents happy. It's a prestigious college - not like Harvard or anything - but it's pretty hard to get into. I was proud of it. My parents were proud of it. And I was all ready to go.

Until the other night I realized that I didn't want to.

I realized that I had chosen that college not really for myself, but for my family and for the satisfaction it would give both me and them. I chose it because I wanted to prove to them that I could do it; that I could be accepted and I could leave my hometown and my friends and my boyfriend. I wanted to show them that I was tough enough.

They were thrilled, needless to say. My mom loved the idea of me being alone 2000 miles away. She loved the idea of me stretching myself. My dad loved that he got to tell his coworkers that his daughter was accepted to a great school. I loved that they were happy.

But I wasn't happy. I realized that the other night. I realized that I wanted to go to a different college, one that was a little closer, one I had been thinking about all along but I had never considered because it wasn't prestigious enough for my parents. When I went out to visit the first college, everything in me was screaming that it was all wrong. I didn't listen until two nights ago, when I broke down and God told me that I had to live my own life.

I fasted and prayed the next day. Again, I know some of you are totally not religious, but when you're worried about something, sometimes it's a good idea not to eat. I was so nauseous. I sat and read my Bible, I prayed, I talked to friends, I read some devotionals... and everything I read, everything I heard on the radio, every random page of an inspirational book said something about following the path God had revealed, about living your own life, about following your own heart over the plans and wishes of others. Over and over and over. For hours and hours these things just kept pouring into my life, in the form of words and books and songs and friends...it was overwhelming. It was scary. And I knew what I had to do.

I just finished what I call Round 2 of the war. My parents are not happy about my decision. The college I've chosen happens to be the one my boyfriend is going to, and they're convinced that he asked me to come with him. I can't get through to them at all. My dad thinks I'm being immature and irresponsible, and he keeps telling me "You're going to the college you chose first. I don't care. You're going." And I keep telling him Sorry, Dad, but ultimately I'm going to have to do what I feel is right.

I'm losing weight. I can't eat a lot. I've been feeling a little sick recently from fighting all the time. I NEVER disobey my parents - it's just not the kind of person I am, and so it's been hard. But I know this is right.

So, that was a very long post just to ask you guys to keep me in your thoughts and prayers. I want to live my life, not the life that makes my family happy. Please, any advice or prayers or encouragement would be great.

Thanks.

~Sunny

Wouldn't it be nice if what made us happy would also make our families happy?

I have real sympathy for you and I'm going to repeat what you've been hearing - you have to do what you want because, ultimately, it is your life. You only get one of them (well, as far as we know), so if you've had a change of heart and are sure it's what you want, then you have to go to this other college.

It's actually really hypocritical of me saying this because I did the same, except I was (figuratively) kicking and screaming the whole time. I was set to follow my plan - for about four years I'd had a certain uni and course in mind and thought I wouldn't be swayed from them - but my parents and teachers were really keen on me going this other, more prestigious uni to study languages. They thought I'd get a better career and salary out of it. Basically, I ended up going there.

Since that kind of choice is one of yours, I'll be honest and say it's not the worst thing in the world. I did hate it at first, but from having no desire whatsoever to go there, I'm actually a little bit fond of it now. (And I'll admit that the prestigious aspect had appealed to me.) The course is hard work and totally different from my plan, but I can still do a postgrad once I'm finished that could get me back on track. I believe everything happens for a reason, so I do think I'm where I'm supposed to be right now.

But I felt I had to reply to encourage you to make your choice for you. Don't make yourself ill about it. In the end, you're the one who's going to have to live with whichever decision you make, and your parents would probably be unhappy if you were miserable for the next few years. I think parents always have their kids' best interests at heart, it's just sometimes they don't realise when their kids have become adults, and are capable of making decisions about their own lives by themselves.

Best of luck, Sunny! I know that in the end you'll make the right decision, whatever that is. If you truly feel that the college you chose is the one that's right for you, the one where you'll be happiest, I hope that your parents would come around to that. In the end I think they want you to be happy; they can't argue with what you feel deep down, because that's yours, and yours only. You are an adult. You can't please everybody, but you've got to keep yourself going, because you're Number One.

Do try hard to stay healthy. Maybe you could stay with a friend overnight to avoid the fighting for a while. Go to dinner or a movie with your friends or your boyfriend. How does he feel about the matter? Do you have any relatives you could talk to for advice? I suppose it's a good sign that you're giving so much thought to it; this is your education and your home for the next four years. You're brave to stand up to your parents, and i know you'll succeed wherever you go to college.

*hug*

You did a hard thing, but you did do the right thing. I know it's hard now, because you're facing the pressure of your parents and because you don't want to fight them, but it will get better. Just think of what you would have felt if it was only after a few years that you realized this. You'd have felt like you'd wasted your time, your parent's money, good opportunities and caused yourself a lot of heart ache.

I don't know your parents, but I know mine. They used to always talk about me going to a good university and getting into a nice program, but recently I've come to realize that has nothing to do with it. They want me to have all the best life has to offer, to not have to go through hardship, to be well off. What seemed like them trying to plan my life out for me was really just them trying to make sure I had a plan. I know now that so long as I can prove to them I do know what I'm doing, they won't worry about it.

Your parents are dissapointed, which is understandable. I can only suggest that you sit them down and set things strait. Make a list of all the advantages and disadvantages of both schools (aka: distance, program, etc) and show them you are thinking about this, and you're not just running after your boyfriend. Prove you're thinking clearly and making the descision that is right for you. They should appreciate that you really don't want to be so far away from them, your friends and your life. And if they can't you shouldn't let it get you down, because it is your life and they should respect that you don't want to have to live with regrets.

*hug!* Be strong, eat food, take care.

Keek!

I had similar feelings about going to college. When something is pulling you and everything about the decision makes you feel wrong, you shouldn't do it no matter what anyone says. In my experience, if you're doing something to please someone and they don't care how that effects you (which I am guessing is the case from what your father said) then what is the point in pleasing them anyway? People will usually get over it if you make a decision they don't like far faster than a person can get over the results of a decision that is as wrong as this one feels.

I wish you luck for every choice you make, it's hard going against your parents wishes, however I believe it is rewarding in the long run. Go with what your heart tells you.

Be very sure that this is what you want.

Give your parents time. They've been built up to this, they've been looking forward to it, so they're bound to be disappointed for a while. They might try to guilt you into changing your mind, but be firm while staying respectful. Don't shut them out.

I do hope it works out all right, Sunny. And eat. Chocolate is your friend. Have you tried Giant Parma Violets? They're really nice unless you eat two packets all at once.

Awww, sweetheart, that's gotta be really tough! *huggles reeeally tightly* I'll definitely pray for you, and I'm so glad you're learning to stretch your wings. It's awesome that you have enough respect for your parents to even feel guilty about not choosing the college they want you to go to, but ultimately, you're on the brink of becoming an adult, and you've got to start making your own decisions. I'll keep you in my prayers, and best of luck, darling.

Hey guys! Update:

I'm going to the college I chose. My mom and step-dad, while they haven't been exactly SUPPORTIVE, they understand that I feel like I need to go and they love me and they're trying to help me plan out the next year as best as I can.

My dad: really, really not supportive. He said a lot of things - most of them involving the level of my maturity and how I absolutely can't do this because he will not pay for any other college than the one he chose. I told him that was fine and I expected that. He flipped out. He asked me to put my boyfriend on the phone; he said David must have instigated this and he was so mad he never wanted to even think about him again. Which is weird. I rebel against him and he still blames someone else. I'm looking forward to doing something on my own.

As you might have noticed, I'm not scared. Actually, I'm so excited to do this on my own - I'm excited to CHOOSE. I'm excited to live MY life, not a life that's mapped out for me and sealed and delivered.

I think my step-dad, by the end of my conversation with him, really got what I was saying. I think he appreciates how mature both me and my boyfriend were acting. It was cool.

I'm really not mad at my dad, or at any of my parents. I get them. I understand that they're scared for me. And I love them now more than ever. Praise God.