[I use the word "you" a lot and I obviously don't mean YOU, because I don't even know you, but I am talking about YOU, that person- yes, you- that guy over there- mmhmm, I'm talking about you, buddy. But not you, no, I'm not talking about you, so don't get offended.]
In the most pretentious and condescending way possible, I've decided to give the world a little writing advice because it seems the world is in desperate need. Though I'm not sure why because writing is a sort of individual artistic endeavor and people would probably be a lot better at it if they stopped being so paranoid, but I suppose I should just get on with it. [Also, there was sarcasm in the "pretentious and condescending" comment because that's actually not my intention at all. I just know it might turn out like that, and so I'd like to apologize in advance.]
Now, real talk; I don't know why so many young writers are pooping their pants about writing, about how to write this kind of character, about how to "SHOW NOT TELL," about how to get past writer's block, about how to convey this, to make this, to have this happen, to get this across, to derp and herp all the way across the sky, when there are A VERY FEW BASIC RULES TO KNOW IF YOU WANT TO BE A WRITER.
First things first, know how to read. Included in this seemingly simple bit of advice is the knowledge of what to read, and that does not consist of a bunch of tips and tricks from people who write fanfiction on the internet. [SORRY, BUT NO.] Read the classics. I do not mean strictly Jane Austen [although dat gurl do got some booty] or William Shakespeare [his plays should be seen, not read, but w/e]. I'm talking Modernists, read the stuff that makes your brain hurt like Joyce or read the imagism of William Carlos Williams about a wheelbarrow to which at the end you're like "... what?" Take in the Romantics, the Transcendentalists, the Southern writers, the British stuff. Read their ESSAYS, those tragically boring essays by Ralph Waldo Emerson that sooner or later you'll understand and admire, and you will become a writer. Read the new authors, the ones no one has heard of yet, the next modern classics, read the book you find on the top shelf, or the bottom shelf, in the basement of the library, read what isn't The Hunger Games or what doesn't have a shirtless guy with wings on the cover, is what I'm trying to say.
That is the first thing you need to know because that is also most of everything else that a writer will ever need to know.
Second: a writer should have the tendency to be a sort of experience junkie, in being an explorer, an adventure. This is not so much out of the fun of it but out of necessity. A writer should seek answers at nearly any cost for the sake of explaining what it is they need to say. And a book or a step-by-step guide that someone wrote and posted on their blog isn't going to have the answers [this is ironic], at least the answers that an individual artist should be looking for. As well, the adventure of a writer should not be restricted to research or a plot development. The Adventure should be a writer's entire life, in one way or another, because a writer is not a writer when one is researching or thinking about a plot development but rather for their entire life. A writer is a writer for their entire life. Think about that, understand that, and remember that you are a writer.
With these two tips in mind, dare I go into the specifics? Sure because everyone keeps asking them anyway, so to put them to rest...
"Writer's block?"
Oh, for the love of God WRITE. Seriously, it's that easy.
"But I don't like it, it's so awful and I just can't get star-"
Stop. If you have something to say, your mind might be a little confused as to how to say it right away, but if you have that inclination in your bones to write about it then presumably there is some sort of significance there and so you must patiently start the vehicle and get it to move. If that means you have to start the engine over and over, if that means the engine sputters, the wheels are stuck, you have to push the car from the back, so be it, just GET THE CAR RUNNING. So many writers have finished their manuscript then gone back and rewritten the first few pages. You need to get your momentum started somehow. The beginning is crap, get on with it, keep moving, and you'll get there sooner or later. Writer's block will dissolve, but you have to stir it in the water.
"How to write description?"
Read it. Pay attention to how much description there is, only put in what is necessary. Don't feel like telling them what color the walls are? Don't. Don't wanna give them the eye-color of your character? PSHGURLL, DON'T. Freakin', do I care if you use a metaphor to make crap fancy? I DON EVN CUR.
"How can I write an original story/character?"
If you have to ask, then you probably shouldn't.
Some General Don't's When Asking For Writing Tips:
Don't always ask for writing tips regarding specific research things when you could easily research them yourself. [There's that whole aforementioned "Adventure Thing," but there's also that whole "Internet" thing.]
Don't worry about grammar, because your 4th grade teacher was wrong! And if someone tells you to capitalize in a poem or to add more commas, then feel free to giggle softly or cry loudly.
Don't ask how to write a certain way or to portray something. You should find your own voice sooner or later, and if you want to know how to portray something, I can guarantee you will find the answer if you read. If none of the ideas presented to you fit your needs, be creative.
Now I'm not saying for you do be so "IDGAF" that you don't listen to any critique or review anyone has for you. But I am saying that writing is not a system, it is not a machine, it is an art. Art is individual, but the beauty is that it can influence a mass. Nothing is completely original, but I urge you to explore yourself foremost as a writer. Find your contemporaries, find yourself before you go out and find what a bunch of generic writing guides are telling you to do and believe about what you do. An individual should have a writing philosophy, not be mass-produced. I follow a number of writing blogs, I see this website, I see Yahoo Answers [lolololol], and I cannot understand the struggle that seems so profound.
What I mean is
STOP WORRYING, AND START WRITING.
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