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Reviews: 158
Sat Nov 05, 2011 5:32 pm
thewritingdoc says...



Note: It's been a long time since I've written anything of worth. I know this poem is a piece of crap, but I needed to get some feelings out. It contains graphic content so those who are faint of heart or mind should not read ahead.

Bones crackle
set my teeth on edge,
For I am hungry.

Often I fantasize
about ripping you apart;
tearing your flesh
piece by piece,
while you lament and regret your sins

Finally I found the chance.

You were strolling in the woods
alone with your thoughts
Just a grin on your face -
Her.

Amongst the shimmering autumn foliage,
I pounced.

Your neck where I had nuzzled so often before,
where my jaws now sank
Oh God, how sweet it was -
warm and familiar,
the juice dripped down
the lips of this lioness.

I even removed my bleached white T-shirt,
a symbol of my virginity
and I allowed you to spill yourself all over my full breasts
as I watched you writhe in agony.

Apologizing and begging for mercy
but there is nothing to be sorry for.
This is how the lioness plays.

The game is nearly over
when your eyes begin to blacken
And I finally reach the climax
that has been desperately long awaiting

Thus, with a quiver,
you die.

The lioness kisses her prey silently
and disappears into the trees,
never to be seen again.

Until once more, she is hungry.
    I'd rather write about this world than live in it
    and I'd rather play music all day
    and read and wander around bookstores
    and watch humans
    but not be one of them.
  





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Sat Nov 05, 2011 5:50 pm
Anwesha says...



Gosh!! That was scary! :-o But very imaginative and expressive. And as you said, "graphical". The metaphor of the lioness was attractive, indeed. I found the title very unique and interesting. There's a lot in this poem and the way it all was put together was truly impressive.
Loved it! Keep writing ... :-)
Imperfection is beauty,
Madness is genius,
And it's better to be absolutely ridiculous
Than to be absolutely boring... :-D
  





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171 Reviews



Gender: Female
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Tue Nov 15, 2011 3:04 am
wewinwelose says...



Ohhh.....well then....That's, interesting? I understood the poem (I think?) and (While a bit worried for your sanity, lol jks) it was a very good piece if you look at it from an artistic point of view. I don't do the whole "gorey" form of writing anymore. I used to, but then I stopped being emo....This isn't an emo piece of writing though, it is well though out and well put together. The descriptive nature of it is very good, and the imagery is perfect (though I wish it wasn't.....*shudder*). I don't fully understand why the other person is in agony...Whether it's physical or emotional. There are two images conflicting in my mind of how this poem could fit together, so my only critique besides to check you punctuation and to capitalize the first letter of every line would be to explain more. You do a great job describing, but you don't do 100% perfectly on explaining.
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.~Groucho Marx

I have a passion for all things literary, and I love to review the work of others :). PM me with a link and I'd love to review for you too!
  








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