Published December 30, 2008
The first chapter of my working novel. I know that it does not reflect the title at all... yet. As I post more of it and you read it, hopefully, you will understand why I called it Running With Wolves. Trust me, I don't find a story just about a kid getting bullied that interesting either. It gets better though! I promise.
Chapter 1
One shot to the face was all it took to send him sprawling onto the hard blacktop. Blood seeped out of a cut below his lip, and he wiped it away in anger before surging back at his opponent. He swung and his attempts were met with obnoxious laughter from the other boy and spectators. Clearing his eyes of his dark brown hair, he made another move. Again, only to have the other boy meet his attempts with a block; then shoving him back onto the pavement. He spat blood upon the court, and mustered up enough strength to rise once more. Catching the boy off guard, he delivered a right hook the knocked him back into the crowd. The older boy shoved the hands of his friends away, and forcefully shoved Luke. “You’re done, kid.” He surged forwards, his hands slamming Luke forcefully onto the ground. The crowd’s laughter grew as Luke struggled to fight back tears.
The older boy seemed to be losing interest in toying with him, and dealt one last defining blow. Luke hit the ground hard and darkness closed in around him, a blurred vision of the laughing boys still clinging in his mind.
Slowly his eyes flickered open, the fluorescent lights revealing that he was in the Nurse’s office. “Ugh,” he groaned as he attempted to pull himself from the bed.
“Take this,” the nurse said, shoving a bottle of advil in his face. Luke gratefully accepted, and washed the medicine down with a glass of water. “Where are my parents?”
“They are on their way now,” she said through a fake smile. “You were out for a good fifteen minutes or so, I’m sure they are very worried about you!”
“Yeah...I bet they are,” Luke stated sarcastically, slumping back down onto the bed. The nurse continued tidying up the office, “You should lie down until your parents arrive. Would you like the light off?”
Luke took a deep breath, the anticipation of his parents arrival was overwhelming. “No, I’m fine.”
The nurse forced out yet another fake smile before striding out the door, closing it behind her.
He lay there gazing up into the lights, unfocusing his eyes so that they multiplied into a million different stars beaming softly down upon him. Slowly, he grew dizzy and was forced to avert his gaze. “Another fight,” he sighed. “Frank, or as he likes to be called ‘Dad’, is not going to be happy.” He always tried to get along with the other kids in his high school class, and he mostly kept to himself. However, trouble always seemed to find him at the most inconvenient of times.
Luke froze as the door slowly creaked open. He breathed heavily, sure that it was his father. His mom’s face appeared around the door, and Luke let out a heavy sigh of relief, unaware of the danger that was following close behind. His mother urged someone to follow in behind her, and a tall man clad in striking Bostonian shoes and well equipped with an exuberant brown suit, walked into the room. Luke’s heart sank, and he looked at his mother in disbelief...it was his Social Worker. Then, to only make matters worse, in walked his father, a furious look ridden upon his face.
“Another fight!” His father said sternly, “How many times must we go through this, Luke!”
Luke scanned the room, he knew he was in trouble, his Social Worker had never come before and Luke had gotten into quite a lot of trouble in his time.
His mother then stepped up and knelt in front him, “Tom has come so that we may talk about this, he is concerned about your well-being in our home.”
“I’m fine,” Luke said coldly, looking into Tom’s eyes. The man’s expression didn’t change from the disappointed expression it bore.
“No, your not fine. This is not the first...or second time this has happened! It has become a regular thing, and that is not healthy,” His father stated, fury causing him to shake where he stood. Luke looked at the ground, he couldn’t face his foster parents and look them in the eyes. He was well aware that he had greatly disappointed them, and Tom only came when he was moving him to a new home.
“How’s your eye, Luke?”
He looked up to see Tom kneeling in front of him, “It’s okay. It doesn’t hurt if thats what you mean.”
“It was just a question Luke. This is your main problem, your temper,” Tom stated, shaking his finger in the air.
Luke rose to defend himself, but was shot a glare from his father. Luke scowled in defiance, but sunk back into his seat. Tom continued, “We are all aware that you are intelligent and successful. How were your grades the first quarter of sophomore year?”
“All A’s” Luke said, playing with his hands.
“Exactly. You are continuing to do well this quarter as well?”
Luke’s foster parents nodded and looked to him for his answer.
“Yes,” Luke stated, his mood lifting.
Tom looked Luke in the eye, “Then why is there this reoccurring problem with your temper? You are smart, and thoughtful. It just doesn’t seem normal that a boy like you could keep finding himself in so much trouble! Now, we can’t keep pretending that there is not a problem here. What are we gonna do about this, Luke?”
Luke knew that this question was rhetorical. He was leaving, he was sure of it. But no followup speech came. They were all looking at him, eagerly awaiting his answer. “I will have to learn to control my temper, thats all.”
Tom’s face grew bleak, “It’s obviously not that easy, this problem keeps coming up. As I said before, we cannot pretend this didn’t happen.”
Luke looked to his foster parents for support, but their faces were blank, still in disbelief that they were in this position again. “I have an idea,” he stated. “Give me two more months to redeem myself. If I get into any more trouble, you can move me to a different home, if not, then I get to stay.”
Tom nodded, and looked to the parents for their input. They agreed as well. Tom then clasped a hand on Luke’s shoulder, “Two months, no second chances. We clear?”
“Yeah,” Luke said rising from the bed. As he stood, his father shot him a furious glance before opening the door to let Tom out.
“Good luck!” Tom said as he strode out the door.
The ride home in his dad’s Mercedes was silent. Luke could barely take it, he had never felt so awkward around his foster parents. As they pulled into the driveway, his father took a long pause before unlocking the car doors. Luke gazed at his home, the three story Californian house was equipped with two garages and engineered of Italian origin. After what seemed like hours his father let them out of the car, and they opened the door to a dark home. Makai ran over and shoved his snout into Luke’s arms, and he embraced the young Malamute. He had gotten Makai when he first left the Orphanage to go into foster care, the beautiful dog resembled a proud wolf, Luke’s favorite animal in the world. He darted up the stairs into his room as his parents began to turn on the lights.
“Homework now!” His father shouted from the kitchen. Luke unzipped his North Face backpack and spread his books along his desk. From there, he began to work on his homework. something clouded his focus, however, a feeling of loneliness shot through him like a striking pain. There it was, the same feeling he had felt at his last foster homes, he felt like he didn’t belong there. He sighed and nursed the dark bruise around his eye. He had never liked any of his schools, but he had never gotten into as much trouble as he did at this one. He realized, now that he thought about it, he didn’t know if he wanted to stay at all.
He began to heavily consider getting into a fight on purpose just to get out of this place, California. As he pondered it, however, he realized it was too risky and that he might be sent away to a family in which discipline would be harsh. He pulled a book from his over stuffed bookcase, and began to flip the pages. It was his favorite book, Call Of The Wild. He read well into the night, finally turning the last page in the epic novel. At last, he managed to doze off, still confused about his feelings toward his situation.
*
The next morning was hectic. He awoke to the shouting of his mother, urging him to get out of bed. He jumped into his clothes, and hurried downstairs for breakfast. His father was honking the horn, threatening to leave without him.
“Have a good day, and remember no fights!” His mother shouted as he ran out the door. His father looked at him sternly as Luke shut the door behind him.
“Took you long enough. You know these morning are going to change, from this point forward you will be waking up on time.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Luke said sarcastically, staring out the window as the beach blurred past. His father shook his head in disapproval and revved the engine, running a red light. Neither of them said another word until they pulled up to his school.
“You remember what Tom said? No more second chances, Luke. Understand me?”
Luke nodded, and smiled as he closed the door. His father turned on the radio and sped away to work.
Like deja-vu, the day began like any other. Luke gazed up at the school’s sign, painted intricately above it’s thick oak doors. Everyone was pushing to get into the school, and he patiently waited, in no hurry to begin classes. A rush of cold air from the air conditioner overwhelmed him as he passed into the school’s main hallway. As he worked his way through the crowd it was easy to depict the different groups of people that hung out together. It was just like in all the movies about High School, the football players hanging with the most popular girls against the lockers. Then you had the lacrosse players, all carrying their STX heads and stringing kits and laughing hysterically at nothing. Luke fought back a laugh as he passed them by on the way to his first period class. Then, he came up on the group of considered “Nerds” all carrying their calculators and books. He walked alone. No group really suited him, and he had never really made any attempt to integrate himself into one. He kept to himself, and preferred it that way.
At last he pushed his way into the English room, giving a glance of hatred to the boy he had fought with the previous day. He was one of the first in the class, and pulled out his notebook from his backpack, placing it nonchalantly upon the desk. The bell rang, echoing throughout the hallways and students began to pour into their classrooms.
The desks around him were soon filled, and Mrs. Hicks started the class. Her voice bellowing as she asked her students to take out their homework. Luke slipped the paper from his notebook and gave her a weak smile as she passed by, her yellowed teeth sneaking through her lips. He jumped at the sound of her screams, and he looked behind to see her scolding his classmate. Her face ridden with wrinkles, portraying that she had spent too many years dealing with High School students. “Yet again Mr. Trumpler, I might just have to alert your parents of these missed homework's!” Jason rolled his eyes, snickering to himself. He didn’t care one bit. She eyed him, scribbling in her grade book. “I’m serious. It will start to catch up with you, especially when you are already struggling in this class.”
She continued onwards, moving through the rest of the students with ease. At last she headed back to the front of the classroom, struggling to reach the Projection Screen.
“Now class, is everyone up to date with their reading of Hamlet?”
“Yes,” everyone replied monotonously, only half of which who were telling the truth. The class continued on the same as everyday, notes. Mrs. Hicks scratched the chalk against the board and everyone followed in scribbling rhythm.
“Hey...kid,” A voice whispered from behind him. Luke paused before turning around.
“Yeah, you. Can you get my pencil for me?” Jason said, pointing his bony finger towards the floor. Luke reached down and grabbed it.
“My name’s Luke, you know,” he said coldly, holding the pencil in front of him.
“Yeah, yeah whatever. Just hand it over.” Jason beckoned him, slouching down into his chair.
Luke shook his head, fighting to control his temper. He considered telling him off right then and there, but remembered what Tom had said. Reluctantly, he placed the pencil on Jason’s desk. Jason snatched it up, and began drumming obnoxiously upon his desk. Not even bothering to go out of his way and thank him. Luke twisted back around and ruffled through the papers in his notebook, gazing in admiration at his descriptive drawings of Gray Wolves. Pulling out his current masterpiece, he began to shade the wolf’s pelt to add effect.
The bell rang again to end the first period, and Luke headed out of the classroom. Jason followed shortly after, struggling to move through the crowd. “Hey, wait up!” His shouts were lost amidst the clamor of hallway gossip. Luke turned to see the boy close behind, and he slipped past the traffic of moving people into the stairwell. He pushed through the halls from class to class for the rest of the day, barely awake. After what seemed like an eternity, the final toll sounded and the halls were filled with the sounds of gossip. Luke didn’t hang around to talk to anyone and he headed towards the back of the school to be picked up. As he weaved past the people in the halls he felt a sting on his back, and turned to see Jason standing behind him.
“You know, I didn’t really like the way you were talking to me earlier kid,” He said stupidly.
Luke turned and began to walk, “I just told you my name.”
“I didn’t ask for your name I asked for my pencil. Maybe I would have known it if you had any friends here.”
Luke stopped dead, “What did you say?!” He began to move back towards the other kid.
“Ha, you heard me kid,” Jason said cracking his knuckles.
Luke pushed his way back until he was face to face with him, “Big mistake!”
Jason laughed hysterically, “Hey everybody!” People stopped, clogging up the hallway. “This kid is standing up to me. Me!” People began to crowd around. “What are you gonna do about it, huh? You’re nobody”
Luke struggled to control his temper, and turned around and attempted to push his way through the now circling crowd.
“Yeah thats what I thought!” Jason shouted. “No guts, nothing but a little baby!”
Luke stopped, he knew that Jason’s comeback was corny and ridiculous, but he couldn’t help himself. His teeth ground against one another as his hands curled into fists at his sides. Fire burned in his veins and he turned around, dropping his pack to the floor. People began to cheer, and Jason dropped his as well. Luke charged him, and got off a punch that sent the giant football player to the floor. Amazed, Luke failed to react fast enough to evade Jason’s strike, and he dropped to his knees as the wind was knocked from his lungs. Gasping for breath Luke lunged forward and tackled him, throwing punches left and right. The sounds from the crowd dissapeared as Jason’s yelps grew louder.
Just as quick as it started, it was over. The crowd dispersed as teachers came rushing into the madness. Luke felt a strong hand pull him from Jason and drag him over to the lockers. It was over, Luke had let his temper rise again. He knew he was really in for it, and he took what he assumed to be the last glimpse of his school as the Principle walked him out to his father’s car. The smile dissapeared from his dad’s face, and he looked away from Luke.
“He’s all yours now,” The principal said as he opened the door to the Mercedes.
“Thanks.”
Luke saw his life flash before his eyes, or at least it seemed to. The door to the car shut, and there was no escape.
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140,869 Literary Works • 673,696 Reviews
Sorry you've had to wait so long!
First sentences
To be honest, not everyone will judge your story by the first sentence, some might give it a page before they're sure, some might even read a whole chapter but it's still important to get your beginning exactly right because if you've got a good beginning, people will read through the not so good writing and hopefully come to another section of interest that keeps them reading again. You say you know that this part is boring and that your real plot comes later but that's not good enough because people would read this and be turned off. You have to have hints of something else right from the start and you have to have something vaguely interesting at the start. But back to that first sentence then, let's take a look at yours:
The trouble I had with this is the use of 'shot' because that immediately brought a gun to my mind which was by far much more exciting than what the reality turned out to be: a punch in the face. Using metaphors and slang works better when you've already set the situation up so the reader knows what's going on and then they add to the reader's view of events. They shouldn't be used right at the start or you'll confuse your reader or give them a wrong image.
Also, if you're going to start with action, make it quick and snappy. Shorten your sentence structure and make it something that's going to really jerk the reader. And then start filling out details and working outwards so that they can see the whole picture. The other way to do it of course is to start out and work your way in. You can describe the scenery around and then focus on the two boys fighting. The choice is yours but make it a beginning that's going to be remembered.
Length
The real problem with this is that it's very long for what little amount of plot is actually give. The only impression the reader gets is that the persona is a kid who has been through lots of foster homes and has trouble follow him all the way. And I just covered everything in a sentence. So this isn't your main story but it's necessary detail, right? And it's detail you could convey in a shorter, more interesting manor. I'd suggest a prologue that centers on just the meeting with the foster parents and the social worker. I suggest that your main character isn't even in it. You say you created the fight so he could be moved on to his new home? Well the reader doesn't have to see it.
Show the foster parents at the end of their tether and putting up little resistance to the social worker's insistence that he be moved on. Show the social worker pretty much talking to himself, those make for interesting characters. The sort who doesn't perceive when people aren't arguing with him because he's so used to having them defend/ try to hold onto the child.
Of course I can't tell you what to do but that would be my suggestion ^^
Description
An article you might find useful: viewarticlebody.php?t=33840
Characters
An excellent article that's not read often enough (No it's not mine this time XD): viewarticlebody.php?t=19719
I hope this helps a little,
Heather xx
Here as requested! Its Jon by the way.
Okay, most people have focused on grammar so I will do everything else.
In the beginning when the fight scene was going on I think you could have expanded it more. Yes, you said they were on a blacktop but what else? The weather? The plants/trees? Was it a barren waste land? I don't know that. Tell me more! I think if you could just describe that a little more, It would be a good start.
When Luke was in the Nurse's office and she gave him the Advil, Yeah right! In reality, which is what you're shooting for, a Nurse would not had a student a whole bottle of advil and say, "Take this." You should have her giving him maybe two in his hand.
When his "Parents" came in with the Social Worker I was like what? Why would a kid have a social worker when he has parents! Only later did i find out that he was adopted. Since Luke is adopted I think you should say His Foster parents befoe you bring in the social worker. This will make it easier to understand.
Things I had trouble with:
You need to improve on your dialouge grammar. Here is an example:
Should be, "Another fight," His father shouted in disbelief, "How many times must we go through this, Luke?" -- No ! there, his father is asking a question.
In the first part you should put in, Luke said sarcastically. Without it, why would tom be made at that statement?
Tom shakes his finger in the air! Haha, I bursted out laughing, not in the good way. Why would he shake his finger in the air? Get rid of it if you can. Please.
Ugh, No. Maybe you could say Tom gave him a warning look as he walked out of door.
So he went to English class for about three minutes and the bell rang to go home?! He only went to English that day, not realistic.
Please. He didn't get in trouble by the principal? No Detention or suspension? (Which he should have already had by the way for fighting earlier.)
Moving on
Tom-- Very weak character so far, I don't see any qualities that stand out, I don't even know what he looks like! He should be because he has a strong connection to Luke!
Luke-- Okay, Straight A student who fights all the time. That's all I got. He is the main character, so expand.
Foster parents-- Very unrealistic, They're too much, It's like you're putting every contradicting thing inside of them. Touch them up.
Okay, you have a story here that may turn into something. As is, it isn't that great. I don't mean to be harsh, I care. You have a nice plot, maybe. I'll have to see what you turn it into. If its just Luke moving from place to place because of his fighting then I'd consider trashing it.
I did find some things in here interesting but they were clouded with faults and confusing things. Polish this up.
---Jon---
You're right, you're right. Sorry for what I wrote. And thanks for taking the time to give m some feedback on what I need to improve on.
The proper response would be, "Thanks, you obviously put a lot of time into this review even though it didn't meet your criteria of not being longer than three and a half pages."
I never said I hated it. I just said there was room for improvement.
Sorry if you thought it was a harsh (which I admit, it was), but if all you get are reviews saying "ZOMG I LOVE YOUR STORY!" you won't get any better.
-Sakura
Thanks, glad you don't like it
Hey, zoorah! As promised.
Well, five pages exceeds what I said I'd review, but I'll try my best.
Warning: I only skimmed the above reviews. I might repeat some things.
Maybe it's just me, but "one shot" makes it sound like he got... well, shot. Use a word for punch instead. Blow, hit- any of those.
I don't like how the sentence starts with begin. It's awkward.
Use proper nouns! It gets confusing when there are several boys and you only use wrods such as "he" or "his". Which boy?
Unless nurse is followed by a name (ex: Nurse Rathced), it shouldn't be capitalized.
Capitalize Advil because it's a brand name. Also: he get's knocked out in a fight and they take him to the school nurse? And all he gets is Advil? It seems like he would go to a hospital where they would check him out more.
When Luke does an action (he accepts) start a new paragraph.
Again, I find it unrealistic that he was out cold for fifteen minutes without being taken to the hospital.
Please don't use ellipses in your writing. They look amateurish. Replace the elipse with a comma. Also, I don't know how important this aspect will be to the plot: but is it that hard to have a normal boy whose parents love him? The whole "unloved and/or abused" MC is cliche and gets on my nerves.
This is in the same paragraph as something else. It should be it's own paragraph. Also, the comma I bolded should be replaced with a period.
I'm pretty sure this isn't a word. I think you meant he was crossing his eyes. Why is he crossing them? It's kind of random...
I think Luke should be thinking this, not saying it. Also, the "or as he likes to be called Dad" part seems more for the reader's benefit. Luke would never think like that. In his head, Frank would simply be Frank. I actually rolled my eyes here. Abusive father? So overdone.
de-capitalize his. The comma I bolded should be a period.
This is a run on sentence. Break it up. I also don;t think the average kid has a social worker who randomly pops up.
Should be: and knelt in front of him.
Remove the comma and replace it with a period.
De-capitalize his. Also, Frank doesn't seem that bad...yet. And if they are Luke's foster parents, and Luke doesn't view them as his 'real' parents, you shouldn't say "his father said" or "his mother said". It should simply be "Frank said."
Add an apostrophe: that's.
Should be: follow-up
Add an apostrophe. Should be: that's
Replace the comma with a semi-colon.
Why does he care? He sounds like he hates his foster parents anyway...
de-capitalize orphanage.
I don't think they would let a foster kid keep a dog.
de-capitalize his.
Capitalize something.
de-capitalize his.
Why is he laughing at them?
This is a sentence fragment.
Homeworks isn't possessing anything. Take out the apostrophe. Also, I don't think homeworks is a word. Change it to assignments.
The whole time here, I thought "Get over it, Luke!" It's bad when readers hate your MC.
Comma before kid. De-capitalize he.
Comma after hey.
Comma after yeah and thats should be: that's.
disappeared. You spell it wrong several times.
Principal. And de-capitalize it.
This line is very overdone.
All in All
This was very long and I got a bit bored in the middle.
You need to work on your grammar. I shouldn't have to spell check your work, you should do that on your computer.
Luke is cliche and unlikeable. In the fight I was actually rooting for Justin.
Also, shouldn't Luke have been suspended for fighting the first time? By now he should be expelled, considering he is a repeat offender.
Hope this helped,
Sakura
Thanks!
Hey Zoorah12!!! I'll be your reviewer for the day!!
Let's see what you've got!
Overall:
The Grammar:
And on and on and on: Watch out for run on sentences. Try to use semicolons or periods. Split up your ideas so you don't confuse your readers.
Well, That was...Awkward: Awkward wording occured a lot in this piece which adds to the confusing factor. Read over a couple things I underlined and try to rephrase them.
The Other, Story Associated Stuff:
Voices in My Head: It's good that we get to know Luke's thoughts, I just don't think we need to know all of them. I scratched out a couple that seemed to be a little too telling and boring, because, sometimes when we get in your MCs head, he ruins the surprises for us or doesn't let us make out own conclusions.
That Was Fast: The entire piece felt a bit rushed, as though I was on a bumpy train ride that jolted from one stop to the other. Slow Down! Give us details!!!!! Show us what is going on!
Realisticness: When it comes to fantasy stories, in order to make the readers trust you on the bigger leaps of faith (such as magic and werewolves) you've got to gain their trust on the things they now and experience such as school. Everything felt a bit unrealistic to me. Slow everything down. Really try to imagine people's reactions to one another.
Show Us A Story: Show us what is going on instead of telling us. Instead of saying "Luke's temper rose" say "Luke's teeth ground agaisnt one another as his hands curled into fists by his sides. Fire burned through his veins, he face growing hot." See the difference? Try to do that throughout the entire piece.
The Three Ds: Detail, Dialogue, and Description. You've got the dialogue down, you just need to work on details and descriptions. I want to be able to see the world you've created. Make me visualize everything. Show us what the school looks like. Make everything seem more real.
This is a really good start! I just think you need to slow it down and really pull yourself into your own world so your readers can experience everything that you are! You have a great beginning here, you just need to really nail it down! I hope my critique wasn't too harsh! If you have any questions or complaints, please PM me!
I'll do my best
Hmm, In that case, hurry up and write, I wana read what happens next.
Thanks, it means allot to get good reviews from fellow writers!
I would give some grammar critiques, but most of the ones you had were minor, so I'll put it aside.
I find your writing style very admirable. I love it. I love how I can visualize the setting, characters, everything, and I don't come across a lot of work like that on here (or I might be reading the wrong work.)
I had a Languege Arts teacher named Mrs. Hicks in sixth grade, just had to add that.
Thank you both for the informative critiques! Scarecrow, I am with you. A story revolving around a boy getting bullied at school would bore me too. Him getting into fights was just the only way I could think of having his Social Worker move him to a different home in Alaska, so the real adventure could begin. I thank you for the critique and I hope you will also enjoy reading other chapters that I post.
Now, unlike Scarecrow, I mostly give grammar critiques. I agree with Scarecrow on the point that this was well paced and very interesting. I enjoyed reading it, and I'll be looking for the next installment. Anyway, with the grammar, there were a few tiny mistakes.
With those two parts, you should start a line each time a different person speaks.
You use the term 'fake smile' a lot here. How is the smile fake? Is it because she is repulsed by him or at his situation?
I think it would be better if you broke it up into different parts. You have a slight problem with run on sentences.
Another run on.
It's is short for 'it is'. Its is the possessive form of 'it'.
With this situation, the last part is a sentence fragment. You should change 'bellowing' to 'bellowed' if you want to keep it like that.
All in all, I thoroughly liked this. When, or if, it is published, I'd like to see it. Good luck and keep writing!
My names Jason, hurray im the bad guy (evil laugh)
On to your story, and note I don't comment on grammer and that as my grammer isen't all that great.
Your story makes me feel sorry about Luke, hes a kid who nobody likes, and he does nothing wrong yet he's always the one come out worst off.
I'm interested to see what happens next, but unfortunatly i'm not falling over my heels to find out. Unfortunatly this isen't exactly the kind of book I like. I like big things (Matthew Reilly), and a orphan gettong beat-up at school isen't exactly the kind of book that is gona get me up at 3 am to stand in line at the local book-store for.
Note that that is just my opinion and it's just about my taste in books.
It's very well written and the pace is nice, not rushed to dragging.
Overall a good story, just not my taste.
Scarecrow