z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

King of the Court [Chapter 20]

by yosh


A/n: we've come a long way, haven't we? Chapter 20 already! It went by in a flash. Hope you enjoy this chapter!

She's fast. Too fast.

Sweating and exhausted, Dwayne finds that he is relieved for the half-time break. How did the first half end so quickly?

He had to stay in front of Thea, which was exhausting. She was a lot faster than Dwayne had expected.

Fortunately, she was just like her brother, Alex, who also loved doing fakes, and Dwayne had lots of practice against Alex's random and instinctive movements. The difference between the two siblings was that Thea was almost a perfectionist when it came to fakes. She wouldn't accept getting around someone still partly in front of her after faking, causing her to feint left and right over and over. Alex, on the other hand, would often fake once or twice, and simply brush past the defender with ease. Dwayne understood why Thea needed a perfect fake, however, because she was too small, so her skill was the only way she could get around opponents.

Alex had more strength and size, so his skill literally multiplies with it.

Even so . . . she's still fast. Too fast.

He feels a hand on his shoulder. Turning around, Dwayne sees Alex standing there with a smile.

"Do you know what it's like, now?" asks Alex. He innocently stares at Dwayne.

"What do you mean?"

"Feeling like you're fighting five people by yourself?" asks Alex, "Because I can see it."

Dwayne realizes that he is feeling this way. I'm too good for this team, aren't I?

"You might not have noticed it, but you're being slightly more possessive with the ball than usual," Alex comments. Dwayne thinks ruefully, In other words, I'm being a ball hog.

"You'll often refuse to pass, even as you know your ball handling cannot match Chris'," Alex says, "And you find yourself pushing the team away as you push the ball forward mindlessly."

"Y-you're making no sense!" Dwayne sniffs, "That sounds like something you would do!"

"Exactly. That's why I didn't play in this game," Alex turns around and begins walking away, "So you can feel what it's like to be the King of the Court. Because the King is always alone."

Dwayne growls, "I'm not the King. I'm the slave that has to hold up everything! There's a difference!"

At that, Alex glances back, "Is there really?"

Dwayne, after the conversation with Alex, is in a terrible mood. He irritably stomps back on the court.

"Hey Dwayne-o, you feeling good?" asks Hunter. Brady and Josh are there as well. The three of them stare at Dwayne like they're at a funeral.

"I think that nickname itself is going to ruin my day," Dwayne replies.

"Yep, he's fine," Brady shrugs, "Come on, let's play!"

The game begins again. This time, Bella and Thea are playing even more fierce than before. It reminds Dwayne of the terrifying Copeland brothers. Except, unlike the time against Saint Helena, Alex isn't playing.

Thea starts with the ball. She quickly navigates around Josh and Hunter, but Brady manages to slow her down.

Chris completely gets in front of her, stopping her completely, but then she gets around him too. At that moment, while, she is moving around Chris, Dwayne shoots forward and reaches for the ball.

His hand touches the basketball, and suddenly, Dwayne has complete control over the game.

He pulls the ball closer as he glances at Thea's surprised expression. Now he has three options. He can charge through the girls' team with brute force, he can give a quick pass to Chris, who might have a better chance, or he can slow down and find a better pass.

"So you can feel what it's like to be the King of the Court. Because the King is always alone."

I'm not alone. I'm just above all the rest! thinks Dwayne angrily. Going with option one, Dwayne dribbles at full speed towards the hoop. His ball-handling isn't as good as Chris, so he has to keep his body between the opponent and the ball or it'll be stolen. Surprisingly, he manages to get around a few people at get near the hoop.

Dwayne begins starting the lay-up. His right foot gives a light touch on the ground, propelling him forward. He holds the ball close to his chest. Dwayne's left foot slams onto the ground immediately afterward and he shoots into the air.

Now that I'm in the air, no one can stop me!

And as he brings his hand up to drop the ball into the basket, he realizes the ball isn't even there at all.

It was stolen.

Dwayne lands back on the ground and notices the person who stole it from him. It was Bella.

"Come on! Attack!" shouts Bella, and the girls team advances forward. Bella passes to Thea and the latter takes a lay-up, but misses. Bella takes the rebound, and Dwayne, who's still trying to get back on defense can't do anything about it. The ball is passed out to one of the girls' guards and she shoots, scoring.

Although the boys are powerful with the counterattack, the girls fight like there's no tomorrow. For every shot the boys make, the girls attempt three. And even though the girls miss most of them, they slowly begin to catch up.

"Dwayne!" Chris hisses at the end of the third quarter, "Get your stupid head into the game! Pass for once!"

Dwayne frowns, "Fine. But then we'll have to try the thing."

"What?" groans Chris, "I hate doing that."

"But it's effective," grins Dwayne. He knows Chris can't argue with that.

When the game begins again, Dwayne passes to Chris, so Chris acts as the point guard. Since Chris is extremely tall, any sane player would assume he's the center. Dwayne sneaks, very obviously in fact, over to the left side, opposite to the side Chris is on. The defenders, confused at this occurrence, shuffle towards Dwayne slightly, subconsciously thinking that Dwayne is a guard. But he isn't. The guard here . . . is Chris.

Chris somehow gets through the defenders. Dwayne isn't even sure if that's the right word. "Noodling" seems more like it. Chris weaves around defenders artistically, and shoots the ball up. It's obvious that it won't make it, so everyone starts getting ready to take the rebound.

Dwayne loves the rebound more than anything in the world. It's actually something anyone can do. If Dwayne can get in front of even a huge, tall person, he can get the rebound easily. Bella, the girls' main rebounder, instinctively gets in front of Chris. Dwayne, who is left open, easily gets the rebound and shoots it back up, scoring.

"We're not finished yet!" shouts Bella, "Destroy them!"

The girls cheer. The sheer energy of the girls team seems to blast Dwayne backward. Even if the boys' team wins, Dwayne knows that the girls are still a better team.

And just like he predicted, even though the game ends with the boys winning, Dwayne doesn't feel satisfied. The game was terrible. How can it feel this way? We won!

The two teams shake hands and the girls eventually leave the gym. The silence that follows is deafening. No one is satisfied. The boys start picking up their bags and taking huge gulps of water.

"It's not even noon yet," comments Chris, "I guess getting up that early was pretty time saving."

The eight of them exit the gym. They fist-bump each other, and finally start turning around to leave, each one of them in a state of melancholy.

"A-are we . . . going to be ready for the game tomorrow?" Colin asks. Everyone looks at him ruefully, but before anyone can speak up, Alex does.

"We sure will. And no one's going to doubt that we're the ones who will rule the court."


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
766 Reviews


Points: 650
Reviews: 766

Donate
Fri Aug 20, 2021 3:04 pm
View Likes
Brigadier wrote a review...



Hey there InuYosha. I have not read any part of this story before. I did see that there are a few chapters sitting around in the green room so I am going to try my best to jump into the action.

There is a lot going on here and I am frankly confused. And I don't think that all of my confusion is rooted in jumping in to the middle of this story. Your characters are going through a lot of emotional conflicts in the space of this chapter as well as engaging in bullying and also trying to play some sort of game for gender role enforcement?

From the beginning, I wasn't sure who the narrator of all of these italicized thoughts was supposed to be. I think I now understand that it was Dwayne as he seems to be the target for most of the other characters and having a strong conflict within himself. This character does not seem to be strictly told from his perspective even though the other characters do not receive much time in the limelight outside of his short commentaries on some of his opponents in the game.

I'm not sure what this chapter is supposed to accomplish in the grand scheme of the rest of your plotting. I'm assuming it has something to do with the characters trying to bond but then acting as a mechanism to push them further apart. Feel free to correct me on any half formed theories that I'm gathering from this situation.

Now that we've moved beyond the actual content of the piece, there's a few things about dialogue that I would like to address. It is the most prominent technical issue that comes about in the story, and may have been leading to some of my confusion as a reader. It's not always clear who different characters are talking to/about/with, etc. In addition to this confusion, a few of these instances are also grammatically incorrect so they may affect the perception of the entire piece.

This dialogue resource and writing guide from the University of Nevada may be able to help you when working through your dialogue process.

It's a good story even if I didn't completely understand it.

Happy August.
- Armand




yosh says...


Thank you for the review!



User avatar
1232 Reviews


Points: 0
Reviews: 1232

Donate
Tue Aug 03, 2021 7:53 pm
MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi Yosh,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

You've had to read this twenty times now, it has to get boring at some point, right? :D Maybe I should change my intro.

It was a great chapter with the continuation of the game. Highlight was this many thought processes you got from Dwayne and how he is now no longer thinking directly about Kingsley but provocatively fighting to be able to win. I think you did a good job of inserting those comments, especially when Alex is talking to him. His mental responses there struck me as Alex having a petulant child in front of him.

I liked how the focus of the game felt like the stamina and tunnel vision that Dwayne has. It was a fast and good game, and yet a couple of times I felt like you timeskipped or switched a little too quickly. I just found it noticeable when the break was over, or even later when it got towards the end, where I think you either work with bigger paragraphs so that as a reader you see that some time has passed there, or you insert a new section where you tell a bit more about the game, which might not be so important directly.

What I really liked was how you referred to Dwayne though. All I can say is that you should keep developing the characters like that. Especially towards the end, when they had won, I liked that Dwayne didn't feel comfortable, which shows that he has started to subconsciously memorise more the words of the others, especially Alex.

The chapter definitely stood out because of the fast pace (a bit too fast in some places), which I liked a lot. Still, you didn't forget to include the important points, like character development or leaving out other characters. In the end, it all depends on what happens in the next game. :D

Some other points that caught my eye:

She was a lot faster than Dwayne had expected.
Fortunately, she was just like her brother,

This quick shift from problem to solution is a little too counterproductive to the build-up to the introduction, where you talk about how Dwayne has to fight Thea. I would maybe try to expand on that a bit.

Alex had more strength and size, so his skill literally multiplies with it.
Even so . . . she's still fast. Too fast.
He feels a hand on his shoulder.

You explain that it's a break and go straight over to giving an analysis of Thea, but forget to say where Dwayne went. It seems as if he is still on the field.

"So you can feel what it's like to be the King of the Court. Because the King is always alone.”

Such a beautiful and sad description. I like it.

The three of them stare at Dwayne like they're at a funeral.

Neat and funny description! :D

He can charge through the girls' team with brute force, he can give a quick pass to Chris, who might have a better chance, or he can slow down and find a better pass.

I am not so sure about the rules with comma and semicolon, but I would use semicolon at least at the beginning for the listing.

I'm not alone. I'm just above all the rest! thinks Dwayne angrily.

After the train of thought is a comma needed.

Have fun writing!

Mailice




yosh says...


Thank you for the review!

(Maybe I should say something other than 'Thank you for the review!' as well? :D)





Maybe try it in another language. :D



yosh says...


oml YES




I would be a terrible novel protagonist.
— mellifera