Love Hurts---Then It Hurts More - Chapter 1

Chapter One;;

Im just going to jump into this, and you try to keep up, okay? Im in 7th grade, my name's Jamie, and I've been turned down my whole life, rejected. And "love" isnt the most interesting thing to me; not like the other girls in &th grade, always worrying about their boyfreinds. Im not trying to be bitter, its just--you have to see it my way;

I awoke to the beeping of my alarm clock I woke up to since I was in 3rd grade, bringing back sour memories. My hand searched for the snooze button, and successfuly slammed down on it. Much better. I climbed out of my bed of purple sheets, blankets, and pillows, plopping down on my stool in front of my mirror.

I stared at a thin, average height, wet headed blonde girl, with dismal blue-gray eyes, and a sun freckled nose. I sighed, I never veiwed myself as---"pretty". But that was just me, the only one that ever called me pretty was my mother, and its not the first person I'd want to hear it from.

Grabbing my blow-dryer hesitantly, I sighed, and flicked the switch, making warm air escape it. I sat there for awhile, letting my damp hair dry under the warm wave of air. I had naturally straight hair, so I never had to do much, lucky me.

I sat up and trudged over in my pajamas towards my closet, grabbing a hot pink v-neck, some skinny jeans, and my favorite black hoodie with hot pink polka dots; yeah, I wasnt your average girly-girl 7th grader. Slipping into my new clothes and stumbled back towards my mirror and dresser for my brush and brushed through my hair struggling to put on my skinny jeans.

Letting out a moan I fell with a thud onto the floor. I pushed myself up, buttoning my pants. I ran towards my door opening it, then slamming it behind me. Downstairs, I didnt find mom, she must've went to work early, so I shrugged on my back pack and ran to my mom's bathroom to brush my teeth, I never ate breakfast when she wasnt here, but when she was here, she made me, so I just brushed my teeth afterwards. I scrubbed my teeth with my purple toothbrush with my minty toothpaste covering it, and spat quickly, then wiped my mouth on a nearby towel.

*******

After getting off the bus I pushed through the crowd of people to get to class, first period. Great, I had to deal with Ms. Tod.

When I reached my first period/homeroom I plopped onto my desk, my backpack on my lap. I sat in the back in the corner by the door. Ms. Tod looked at me with a wicked and evil smile. I managed to smile back and I rolled my eyes as I turned towards my desk putting my backpack on it, taking out my books, binder, ect.

Grabbing my backpack by a single strap I walked out the door to my locker, that was a classroom and few lockers away from my homeroom, top locker. I twisted the lock and it clicked, letting me into it. It screeched open and I shoved my backpack into it.

This was going to be a long day.

More coming!

-Kat

Comments & reviews · 3
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User avatar
Flower~Child
Review

To be really honest this really bored me. You seem to have tried with description but the words you used are boring. One of the things that I wondered was why did she wake up with wet hair. I have never succeded in doing that. Anyway I think that you should tell more, like it was said above everyone does that, make something new. Also don't you sit in your desk, you made it sound more like she just sat on it for no reason, then she somehow jumped to her locker all of a sudden. Other than that it was ok.

-Flower-

User avatar
maegardens
Review

These are just all the typos that I found, and then I'll get to the REAL stuff. Exciting, these reviews, huh?

xxKittyKatxx wrote:
And "love" isn't the most interesting thing to me; not like the other girls in &th, always worrying about their boyfreinds. Im not trying to be bitter, its just--you have to see it my way;


I'm not so sure what the '&th' stood for... Did you mean 8th?

xxKittyKattxx wrote:
Grabbing my books, binders, ect.




I think you meant 'etc.'


Not many typos :).

So, overall, I think it was a pretty good short story and I'd love to see what you do with it next.

User avatar
Embee
Review
Embee wrote a review · Tue Apr 27, 2010 12:47 am

Hey Kat, I thought your title was really cute. :D

Im just going to jump into this, and you try to keep up, okay? Im in 7th grade, my name's Jamie, and I've been turned down my whole life, rejected.


I'm just going to jump into this and you try to keep up, okay? I'm in seventh grade, my name's Jamie, and I've been turned down by my whole life; rejected.

I awoke to the beeping of my alarm clock I woke up to since I was in 3rd grade, bringing back sour memories.


This would be better as: I woke up to the sound of my beeping alarm clock. It was the same sound I had listened to since third grade, which didn't improve my mood at all.

Alright, so you have a lot of grammar/punctuation mistakes, but that's something that can be taken care of with spell check. Right now, you're just giving us a description of this girl's morning routine. Spice it up a bit! We all brush our teeth, do our hair, not eat breakfast, etc. Make your main character unique. What does she do that nobody else does? Make her quirky! :mrgreen:

You write very well for your age and I do love a little bit of sarcasm in stories, but work on making your story and main character pop.

Good luck!

Embee.



I have a Gumbie Cat in mind, her name is Jennyanydots; Her coat is one of the tabby kind,with tiger stripes and leopard spots.
— T.S. Eliot, Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats