"dear god" by Xaney

Hey xaney!

Q here for a review.

What an intense and emotional poem. I really appreciate the way you intertwine the figure of father with images of God and other religious imagery. I like how it casts the father as a supreme, powerful figure that only the narrator is able to recognize as a man.

Given your powerful and effective use of religious imagery, I'm not sure why you chose to start the poem with,

I was thrown away.
Like a used tissue
By my father

Certainly, the theme is the same -- the narrator is cast out by their father. But the image of a used tissue is so different from the later image of being thrown out of heaven that it seems a little out of place compared to the rest of the poem. Maybe you could use something closer to some of the other images you use in order to bring more unity to the poem and help set the tone from the get-go?

I'm wondering if something like "you knocked off my halo" could be fun, and kind of mirrors the angelic wings later (but is a little milder). Or, I'm sure you could come up with something better! I just wanted to give you an idea of what I was thinking.

One thing that I wonder as the refrain "I did nothing wrong" repeats throughout the poem is what the narrator actually did. I don't doubt that they did nothing wrong, and I can certainly see why they keep telling themselves that in the face of everyone else telling them their father is right.

But, what did they say? "I spoke my truth. / I spoke up for those who couldn’t." The truth mentioned a few lines later about their father being a man, not a god, doesn't seem like it would prompt this kind of rage and doesn't quite fit, so it just leaves me curious as to what prompted this episode. It seems so key and yet remains hidden.

As the poem goes on, I get the sense that the religious theme becomes a little stronger. While God seemed to represent the narrator's father, and heaven/hell could be family life and perhaps banishment to one's room or maybe even outside, the possibilities grow when we get to the "stripping away my wings" part.

To me, that feels like it could range from anything like metaphorical freedom -- car keys, free time, phone, etc. -- to actual physical abuse. I like that you dive deeply enough into the analogy that the readers can't quite tell, because whatever is actually going on, it's clearly disturbing.

It would be cool to have a few more glimpses into the non-metaphorical scenario, too. For example, if being cast out meant confined to a bedroom or literally outside, I think you could hint at it here:

My body fills with chills when I feel the freezing temperature.
There was no light in this wretched place.
The sun wasn’t shinning against my skin.

by adding a line like, "the curtains all closed and the floorboards cold against my knees." Does that make sense? You wouldn't need to totally reveal what's going on in the real situation -- we still don't need to fully understand what the wings bit means -- but it could be interesting to occasionally remind readers of what the comparison is to, to sort of ground the poem in a bit of reality.

Either way, it's a really strong and emotional poem! I'm really sorry for whatever situation may have prompted it. I think that probably my favorite part was the narrator seeing their father as a man, because I think that that's something that everyone eventually goes through (although not usually like this!). And it's so sad that the narrator doesn't even receive support from their siblings, because they still believe their father is the god of their world. Super interesting thing to think about.

Thanks for publishing this piece! Let me know if you have any questions.

-Q