Hello there! cleverclogs here for a Review Day review!
First of all: I know that this is poetry, but I'd really like it if you either a) spelled out "1000" like "one thousand" or b) at least put a comma in there to make it "1,000". If you do either of those, it will make it look more professional. Sorry, but that was something that bugged me throughout the poem.
Your poem starts like it's going to be a rhyming poem, and for the first two stanzas it follows a rhyme scheme. What happened to the rest? If you're going to have a rhyme scheme, I'd suggest sticking with it for the whole poem. Also, a few of your rhymes seemed a bit forced. Like,
I hear the wind whistle,
On this clear day,
It forms a storm,
right away
The line "right away" seemed like it was tacked on just to form a good rhyme. Also,
And now I understand,
I was never there for them,
when they needed me,
but they were there for me,
I now see
The line "I now see" also is very forced and unnecessary. Your poem would work better as a free verse, now that I think of it.
I liked the content of the poem. At first it was very tragic and regretful, and it fit your description too. At the end it took on a determined note, which was a great way to end the poem.
The metaphor was pretty well-thought out, and I liked your repetition of "1000 (or one thousand or 1,000, as I prefer) cries" throughout the poem. The vocabulary was alright; I feel like it could be a bit more impressive. This poem is just missing something, and I think it's figurative language. If you throw in a few similies, more imagery, or other poetic devices, this poem could be a lot less bland and a lot more fun to read.
Overall, good start, but I think it could use some work. 6/10 from me. Keep on writing!
Points: 3742
Reviews: 274
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