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Why, Internet?

by xJade


Just so you know: This is supposed to be a lighthearted yet relatable, uh... thing. Enjoy! (Also, it is supposed to be wacky in syllables and rhyme.)

THREE BARS:

Taken for granted,

'Til we don't have it.

We've got energy.

To search Web M.D.

Youtube funny cats,

And read random facts.

TWO BARS:

It teases me so,

It is so darn slow.

Do not lose control,

'Cause soon it will load.

We can do nothing.

So we just watch it.

We beg it to go,

Up a bit.



ONE BAR:

It will break my heart.

I can't add to cart.

Not reading Buzzfeed,

No dumb quiz for me.

No clickbait action,

Or news of Youtubers acting.

No Kid's reacting.

Addicting stories are gone.

Why, Internet?


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Fri Jun 14, 2019 6:43 pm
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Elinor wrote a review...



Hey JadeLous!

Here's your review, as requested. I really enjoyed reading this poem, and it put a smile on my face.
I know you said that you intended for it to be relatable, and I definitely felt that.

One thing that came up for me:

We've got energy.

To search Web M.D.


I found it a bit interesting that the first thing the narrator mentioned was WebMD. Don't get me wrong, I love WebMD, but I wouldn't go on it just for the heck of it.

I think the one comment I would make about as a poem as a whole is that there could be more specificity. Some of the lines felt a bit stilted, like:

It will break my heart.

I can't add to cart.


For instance, what is the narrator trying to buy?

Also, while I'm not sure how much it matters, I sort of thought that this poem could benefit from a frame story, like why are they slowly losing service?

Great job with this. Feel free to reach out to me if you have any questions or want anything clarified!

Best,
Elinor




xJade says...


Thank you for the review! :D



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Fri May 24, 2019 8:01 pm
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SofieR wrote a review...



Hey there, Sofie here with a review :)

I enjoyed reading this poem immensely. It's fun, lighthearted, and, I think, very relatable to a lot of people in our generation. I think you also did a fantastic job at establishing the rhythm and rhyme scheme of the poem. It's very musical, I could really feel the beat of every line. I feel like these would make great song lyrics!

Good job on this! Keep working on your poetry :)




xJade says...


Thank you! :)



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Fri May 17, 2019 6:19 pm
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Butterfly7 wrote a review...



Hello dear friend!

I'm here to give you a review, just like you requested! Firstly, I love how lighthearted this poem is. Also, I love the way you wrote 'Why, Internet?' at the end. It gives it a very very very good ending. ;) Good job on that! I didn't see spelling mistakes, but i did see two other stuff that I'd like to point out. If you look here:

"We beg it to go,

Up a bit."

I don't think a comma is needed. Because it makes it sound very chop-chop-choppy. Anyhoo, next one:

"No Kid's reacting."

I don't think 'Kid's' needs to be capitalized, unless it's a reference. I'm pretty sure it isn't though, lol. Anyways, that's it from me. Hope this helped, and I can't wait to see more of your wonderful lighthearted poems. I honestly love this so much! :D

---Butterfly---




xJade says...


Kid's reacting is a reference. Thank you for the review, I'll take your suggestions! Thanks a bunch, Butterfly :)



Butterfly7 says...


Oh. Nevermind that then. No problem!



xJade says...


:D



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Tue Apr 09, 2019 8:55 pm
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4revgreen wrote a review...



Hey! Che here for a quick review

I loved this poem. I loved how much I could relate to it and how relevant it is to society nowadays! I live in an area known for having an notoriously bad internet connection so i really could relate to the countdown of bars.

The only grammatical error I could see was:

No Kid's reacting.

It should be "kids" as it's a plural and not just one kid that owns reacting.

Anyway; the rhyme actually worked really well and it flowed well too!

Keep writing!

Regards, Che :-)




xJade says...


Thank you!!



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Tue Apr 09, 2019 7:57 am
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FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hey Jade! FlamingPhoenix here with a few things to say about your poem, and to help get it out the green room for you on this sunny day.
I'll try and make this short.

Okay let's get to it shall we.

So out of the whole poem I only saw one thing wrong with it.

No clickbait action,

Okay so as you know from all my other reviews on your works, the word in bold is what is wrong. Now I'm sure that word is supposed to be two words so it should be like this, 'click bait'
Well that's what I think your trying to say.

Okay now on to the next thing.
So I don't really do anything on YouTube very much other then finding cool action music. I'm a rather strange person so... But I'm sure all the things you said in your poem is very true. I thought it was rather funny and I would love to see more poems like this from you. I can say that your writing and poetry is coming along really well, soon enough you'll be even better at poetry than me. So I can't wait to see that day. XD

Anyway, this was an amazing poem, and I wish I could have read more. So I do hope you will post again soon on YWS. Never stop writing and have a great day/night.

Your friend, and faithful reader
FlamingPhoenix.
Reviewing with a fiery passion.




xJade says...


Thank you so much!





Your welcome. :D



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Tue Apr 09, 2019 12:54 am
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FabihaNeera says...



I love how relatable this is to me! xD
Every day is such a struggle cuz we have sucky Wifi... so this really connected to me on a deeper level. It's humorous, and the ending line sums it up greatly!

I feel like we really do take three bars for granted... and until reaching that last bar, that's when you know it's over... :(

Anyway, I loved reading through this and I also enjoyed the many references in this! :D




xJade says...


Thanks (I really enjoyed sprinkling in the refrences XD). I'm glad you liked it



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Mon Apr 08, 2019 11:49 pm
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Honora wrote a review...



Hey Jade!
This is obviously very relatable and pretty funny! It's a good (nice) way of saying you love\hate the Internet!
Nothing jumped out at me that I would need to point out or anything. Even though the syllables and rhyming are all wacky, it weirdly flows and I didn't have to reread anything so I guess it can't be too wacky! :P It is lighthearted even though sometimes I can feel like killing the Internet! The last verse...?...is a PERFECT ending!
I also love most of the things you were talking about lol. Especially "Kid's React." Those are always funny! Although, "Elder's React" is even better because basically, it is a bunch of old people being shown new music! It's hilarious!
Anyway, I really like it! :)
Keep up the good work!!
Your friend,
Honora




xJade says...


Lol thank you! I'm glad you liked it.
Also, I'll have a review on your work by the end of the day. (I mean in my time zone)



Honora says...


Your welcome! :)
Thanks! I'm glad! :)



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Mon Apr 08, 2019 10:11 pm
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Liberty says...



I like it! This is a very lighthearted poem, just like you said. I like the... I don't know the word. Um, what's the word?? Whatever, I'll mention it later if it comes to me. But, I really like how you mentioned YouTube, Buzzfeed, Web M.D., etc. Good job! Can't wait to see more from you! ;) (: :smt003




xJade says...


Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it and the references XD



Liberty says...


Anytime! Lol.




I want to shake off the dust of this one-horse town. I want to explore the world. I want to watch TV in a different time zone. I want to visit strange, exotic malls...I want to live, Marge! Won't you let me live?
— Homer Simpson