Young Writers Society

Happy Review Day, wisegirl22!

One thing I must tell you first: This was funny but interesting at the same time. The way you added both together great! I also loved this whole article - type idea. It was, well, genius . Yes, that's what I'd call it. Genius. I've honestly never seen anything like it! You literally gave me images inside my head of a baby falling from a tree top. That imagery was just right!

I would say, though, that this could use some more development and improvements. Maybe you could list some more things that might influence your child, plus stretch this out and make it longer. I loved this article but I was really sad when it ended. Keep it going! Make it longer! Or, you could make another article like this. Add a sequel to this one. Though this was shorter, I find it quite enjoyable.

I love the way you made up these influences. If I were to write this, I would've never thought of that. I bet this used a creative mind and humor.
Everything else on this was great. I definitely could use some humor and laughs today, and these piece just brought me it. Plus, this is my first article here that I've read. And it was great! This deserves a pat on the back.

I just think you should consider either expanding or adding a sequel to this. However, it's your choice and I don't want to push you or anything. Thank you for sharing this piece, I really enjoyed it!

Bye~
Sunset101

Hello, line edits are below:
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Parents, listen up. You want a good future for your child, right? You want them to have good influences and get a good job with an even better pay. But how do you help straighten out their path[PATHS]? Well, here are two things that have been luring your children from the sidewalk. [LOVE THE METAPHOR]

You'd never guess lullabies would be one of them, right? Well, you're proven wrong. This old lullaby that has been used for years is just terrifying: [TERRIFYING SEEMS LIKE THE WRONG ADJECTIVE TO USE HERE. PERHAPS, "INEFFECTIVE"?]

Rock-a-bye baby on the treetop

When the wind blows, the cradle will rock

And when the bough breaks, the cradle will fall

And down will come baby, cradle and all

I mean, seriously. Singing that to your baby will probably give them nightmares about falling from a branch. And trust me, that's a phobia you want to steer clear of.

What about Disney princesses? Yep, you read it. Those beautiful young ladies might influence your daughter in ways you don't want them to. Take Tiana, for example. After watching The Princess and the Frog who knows if your little girl will be out in your backyard, hunting for frogs to kiss? And after Snow White, I bet your daughter will never want to eat apples again. I'm not saying that watching those movies isn't good entertainment, but good grief, please watch your little girl. [HAHA!]

Parents, you'd better watch out for your kid. Sure, lullabies help them sleep but singing about falling beds in which your baby is sleeping in doesn't exactly make them want to close their eyes. As for Disney princesses, the movies are fine, but make sure your girl isn't believing too much of it. [I FEEL LIKE WITH SUCH A SHORT PIECE, YOU DON'T NEED SUCH A SUMMARY. IT ONLY ADDS TO THE REPETITION.]

Believe me, when children think something is real, there's no stopping what they'll do next. [LOVE ENDING]

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I really like this piece but think that it could be more developed. It was funny, though.

I sing the "Stay Awake" song in Mary Poppins to get my baby to sleep. Reverse psychology. Gotta love it.

wisegirl22, this is a wonderful change from what I normally read and review. I love all kinds of writing, but this was something fresh, funny, and thought-provoking. I have never truly thought about the nursery rhymes and lullabyes that we sing to our children, but you are so right! As a mother, I can honestly say I have never sang a lullaby to my child - oh, yes, bad Mommy, I know - but I guess I'm glad I haven't! Haha. Admittedly, I have been known to read them a Disney story or two, but I have 3 boys, no girls, so I'm doing alright!

Anyway, regarding your actual writing, I did not find too many grammatical errors, nor any misspellings. I have to tell you, though, I truly think you could expand on this and make it even more funny and enjoyable. This was so short, it leaves something to be desired when finished reading. I wanted there to be more, but was left disappointed because it was over! I think you really have the potential to expand this into something hilarious and original.

Totally random, but to go along with the theme of your essay, here...did you know that the children's song "Ring Around the Rosy" was actually about the Bubonic Plague?? Children are heard reciting this song on a daily basis, even spinning around in a circle happily with their playmates, yet it's about the freaking Bubonic Plague! This is what I mean by potential! God only knows how many other children's songs, nursery rhymes, etc. are actually based off of something despicable!

Ha, Ha. This is funny. I love the cynicism; I find that it's always the best way for comedy, along with satire -which was used- and sarcasm -which was also included. I think that this would work better as a comedy sketch, rather than an essay; in my head I saw someone like Josh Widdicombe (comedian over in the UK) or Sue Perkins on Just A Minute (again a British thing, look up on youtube).

I also have to argue about the girls thinking they can kiss a frog; aren't most girls into Elsa? The only Disney princess to not fall in love with a prince?

Again, this was funny to read.
Random Columns
( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FHTfyS5Mw7c - Just A Minute)