z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

and it's the best, by far, I've written, all week.

by Hijinks


Lost in a whirlwind
pieces of paper swirl around me
I can't seem to use the ink just right-
it keeps blotting
leaving splotches
that look like black blood.

My pencil keeps breaking
leaving lines of lead in the wrong place
the sketchbook is filled with drawings,
crossed out,
erased so much the page rips
leaving a mark of my failure.

Ideas flood my mind
but that same flood
soaks the paper,
ruining my draft,
reducing my rough-sketch
to a lump of nothing.

Even this piece of poetry
is a disgrace to any writer
burns my eyes to look
tears my heart to read
and it's the best, by far,
I've written, all week.

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments


User avatar
60 Reviews

Points: 34
Reviews: 60

Donate
Fri Aug 11, 2017 4:18 pm
AllisonArgent wrote a review...



hey don't you thin lead is spelled wrong. Every writer at some point get frustrated because they think they've run out of creativity. I can't simply imagine how many times I've been there and almost gave up writing but I learned every artist needs a muse and you just have to find it.Mine happens to be everything from tv series to books and movies.It's the nightmare of every artist not getting the right words, what you did was just amazing putting them in a poem.This could be a great song in castle[if you watch it 'isn't it amazing?'.if you don't why the hell are you still alive and whats the point of life} okay so no words hands down amazing.




Hijinks says...


Thanks for the review! I'm glad you liked it :)





no probs.



User avatar
22 Reviews

Points: 1176
Reviews: 22

Donate
Fri Aug 11, 2017 1:57 pm
Rodger says...



looks good keep it up!




Hijinks says...


thanks :)



User avatar
279 Reviews

Points: 25891
Reviews: 279

Donate
Fri Aug 11, 2017 12:19 am
Steggy wrote a review...



Hello, Dino here for a short review!

The first opening chunk of this poem is quite a lovely read because it opens up with the struggles of trying to write and you play with an image here that most people that they also try to do. I think the only suggestion I have for you in this part would be to add/change some words. For example, for this line:

I can't seem to use the ink just so -


'So' doesn't seem to fit quite in with this line but I think 'yet' could do better since it is saying how the narrator can't use the ink yet because it is all blotted together to create some mess and such.

My pencil keeps breaking
no sharpener can fix it
the sketchbook is filled with drawings,
crossed out,
erased so much the page rips
leaving a mark on the table.


This chunk reads a bit awkward, starting from the beginning. What I think is making it awkward would be this part, no sharpener can fix it. Without this line, this chunk seems a bit better so I suggest getting rid of the line so it can run smoother. The ending, much like that small part, seems to end quite rough. What I suggest doing is something similar to this:

erased so much that the page rips
and left my mark of failure


Overall, I did enjoy reading this poem, mainly because I relate to some of what is going on. xP The ending was a nice sweet closing to it because it is kind of going in a full circle to the beginning, if that makes sense.

If you have any questions, let me know!

Dino




Hijinks says...


Thanks for the review!



Hijinks says...


I do have one question - does this blend in with all the other poems on this subject? Is it too the same?




No one achieves anything alone.
— Leslie Knope