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Sweet Honey Love

by whatchamacallit

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51 Reviews

Points: 3844
Reviews: 51

Sat Aug 01, 2020 7:16 pm
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VioletFantasy says...

Absolutely beautiful!

Aw thank you!!

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203 Reviews

Points: 17151
Reviews: 203

Tue Jul 28, 2020 3:08 pm
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starlitmind wrote a review...

Hey, whatchamacallit! You've reviewed so many of my poems, so it's about time to return the favour! I'm honestly a bit intimidated to review one of yours, but here we are xD

So to start off with the format of this poem, I absolutely love it! I've read a lot of poems about love being compared to honey or involving a metaphor with it, so I think it's pretty cool how you've decided to put it into a honey jar, or something similar. I also think it's a nice touch how the jar is closed instead of opened, because that gives the "bumblebees that bounce around inside my belly" feel. I don't think you would've gotten the same effect if you had the jar open. And I love how the title of your poem is written on the tag. Also, from your review on mine, I've come to appreciate how well your font and picture go together! Overall, I think your format worked really well.

Now to the poem!

This has a flowing and rambly (in a good way) feel and doesn't have any full stops, which I think works quite nicely, because bees just keep buzzing and fly around pretty fast, so it feels like a bee buzzing and flying. Also, I think people in love are more energized and excited and happy, so they can be "buzzing" as well in a way. I love your word choice and your phrases! Some of my favourite lines were

sweet honey fills my lungs and tears of gold drip from my eyes

a little hexagon where I'm safe

At first I was wondering why you used the word "hexagon," but then I realized that bees have hexagons in their hives, so I think that was really clever! Along with this, you have other bee references which really tie the poem together, like

I don't get bird feet I get bumble bee legs

Your imagery is cute and fuzzy, if that makes sense xD

As for punctuation, to me it seems like you put commas around phrases or similes. I think it worked nicely, but I have two suggestions where you could add a comma (but punctuation is stylistic, so please feel free to ignore!).

but I'm not suffocating I'm breathing joy and you...

I think commas around "I'm breathing joy" would work because in a previous spot, you put commas around the "contradictory phrase." That's probably not the right word, but around the phrase that explained what it actually was. I'll quote it below and hopefully that'll make sense.

and you make my chest ache but in a sweet way, not a bittersweet way just a honey-sweet way, and you...

I hope that makes sense what I'm trying to say! Another spot where I felt you could use commas is here

like a bee trying to tell me where my life is headed it's towards you

after "headed" so it would be like "is headed, it's towards you" And the reason I say that place is because when I was reading, I read it like it all went together instead of it being a new thought or new part. It made me pause and backtrack. Now that might've just been a "me" problem, so feel free to ignore! :D

I honestly don't have much to critique; I think it's perfect the way it is! You did a fantastic job with this poem, and it looks like your little experiment turned out really well! I hope this helped <3

Aah thank you for the lovely review Starlit! <3
I'm glad the imagery felt cute and fuzzy, that's exactly what I was going for :)
Also, I totally get what you mean by "contradictory phrases", and I definitely agree that there should be a comma there for consistency.
Thank you again for the wonderful review!!

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170 Reviews

Points: 516
Reviews: 170

Sun Jul 19, 2020 3:33 pm
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Vil wrote a review...

Hello, whatchamacallit! It's Vilnius with a review.

I liked the content. You really described the narrator's adoration in an epic and complete way.

The only major issue I have-- and this is with many works of stream-of-consciousness writing, including a few private ones I've done-- is that after a while, my eyes start to wander.

(Yes, I understand that the poems are meant to be this way; I like the theory, but normally not the reality. It's kinda like Communism in most cases.)

Beyond that, like I said, I really like the content, especially the part in Line 11 that runs ''honey fills my lungs.''

Have a nice [*insert time of day here*]!

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5 Reviews

Points: 426
Reviews: 5

Sun Jul 19, 2020 3:04 am
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alliaria wrote a review...

Hi there! You did a great job conveying the buzzing, ecstatic feeling that comes from loving someone, and it's blatantly happy in a way that other love poems aren't. Most love poems speak of a more delicate, fragile kind of love (which is also a wonderful thing to speak of), but this poem is so bold and colorful, though no less sophisticated. The line, "you make my chest ache but in a sweet way, not a bittersweet way just a honey-sweet way" emphasizes how complete the narrator's adoration of their loved one is. Additionally, I really like the flow of the poem, like it would be spoken in one long breath. It adds to the concept of being so deeply in love that you can't get everything about your love out fast enough because there's just so much of it. Well done!

For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.
— Audrey Hepburn