Young Writers Society

Hey! I'm here for a quick review.

(I just reread my review and I discovered I'm rambling nonsense, you don't have to read this if you don't want to. I just had to review it, the poem's great!)

I absolutely love this poem! The Acrostic style is intriguing, and I only discovered from this poem that it can be used as a means to tell something without really telling it. Thanks for that!
I like the way you've written it as a continuous piece, instead of writing one sentence per letter. It adds to the flow and continuity.

So let's get on with it!

C oncentrated illusions alluring the mind and

O pen deceit, staring you down yet still unnoticed.

N everminding the deafening silence when you read aloud, only

T he lonely company of your own familiar voice to be had.

R andomly ordered thoughts in living death, trapped within your mind

A nd a confused clarity that permeates your head, filling it with murky brightness. Our

D ark humour telling bright jokes about the snowflakes in the sun.

I mpartial opinions of strangers assaulting you, overflowing with their cruel kindness.

C an't take it, your anti-social behaviours show we are deeply superficial and

T his genuine deception is making it hard to act naturally.

I n bittersweet feeling, finding satisfaction that we've never felt so numb

N ow you discover that we enjoy fake friends and fabricated realities.

G oing on with anticipated serendipity, the emergency of our dream-state is only a minor crisis.

Hiya Watchamacallit and Lady Gemstone!

I've never reviewed an acrostic poem before and I have to say it was really entertaining. I liked the poem itself. If I may, it's full of life. Life is also filled with contradictory terms. It was fun stumbling upon them one by one. This poem gave me the inspiration to really get back to reviewing. I haven't done a single one in a long time. Anyway, let's get to the details.

C oncentrated illusions alluring the mind

O pen deceit, staring you down yet still unnoticed.

N everminding the deafening silence when you read aloud, only

T he lonely company of your own familiar voice to be had.

R andomly ordered thoughts in living death, trapped within your mind

A nd a confused clarity that permeates your head, filling it with murky brightness.

D ark humour telling bright jokes about the snowflakes in the sun.

I mpartial opinions of strangers assaulting you, overflowing with their cruel kindness.

C an't take it, your anti-social behaviours show we are deeply superficial and

T his genuine deception is making it hard to act naturally.

I n bittersweet feeling, finding satisfaction that we've never felt so numb

N ow you discover that we enjoy fake friends and fabricated realities.

G oing on with anticipated serendipity, the emergency of our dream-state is only a minor crisis.

hey there, i love your work particularly the line '' our dark humor telling bright jokes'' that got me so keep going and stay safe!!!

Hey whatchamacallit and MiniGem26!

I love that you both wrote an acrostic poem together. I love acrostic poems, and I used to write them all the time when I was younger, so this really brought me back. I don't have much to critique here, I think this really solid and does a good job of portraying the central theme of "contradicting".

On a smaller note, I would remove the space you have between the first letter of every line and the word itself. Your ready will be able to know what the word is if they look at the beginning of it, and removing the space will also make the flow and the word itself seem more natural and not forced.

The one question I had was about this line:

Impartial opinions of strangers assaulting you, overflowing with their cruel kindness.

Hey, you guys! Raven here with her first review in ages. Let's hope my cobwebs aren't too thick.

So I absolutely loved your concept of contradiction in life and the way you tied it into your lines by pairing antonyms together (ie. "Open deceit"). It was a very clever strategy for this poem, and you executed it excellently. Your diction was on-point, and you definitely brought an emotional tone into this poem that I think many people can relate to. You know you've written an excellent poem when people can relate to it.

A couple criticisms I have are that lines D ("Dark humour telling bright jokes...") and C (Can't take it, your anti-social behaviours...) flow a bit awkwardly with the rest of the poem. Line C is just a bit wordy, I think--less is sometimes more. See if y'all can find any words that aren't strictly necessary for the meaning to get across (and, if you can, apply it to the rest of the poem). As for D, its subject just feels a bit disjointed from the rest of the poem.

Aside from those two notes, y'all have done really well! I enjoyed reading the poem and hope to review more of your collaborative and individual pieces in the future. Well done!

Regards,
RavenLord