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Bobo (Upward Dog)

by waywardxwallflower


Old and wizened whiskers

Eyes still young and full of hope

All the lives you lived before us come to close

~

I’m glad that we could be the place

Where you could finally rest

And fall asleep on whatever whim you chose

~

In your sleep you always ran

Chasing rabbits like dreams through night

And the light peeked up among your blackened fur

~

Even in old age you knew

We’d join you someday far

There was no end to your endless adventure

~

I know somewhere, now, you’re running

With the strongest legs you’ve had

And watching after all our friends up there with you

~

We’ll think of the lights in your eyes

When we look up at the stars

And know that, someday, we’ll be up there too


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Points: 12
Reviews: 9

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Sat Nov 20, 2021 9:22 am
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Apehdavid2 wrote a review...



Points: 12
Reviews: 7

DonateSun Nov 07, 2021 8:46 am
Apehdavid2 wrote a review...


I really liked your poem! I think (like many of the other reviews said) I'm also sorry for your loss

One thing I really enjoyed about this poem was how you used line breaks to set the tone. It definitely felt unstable and a bit frantic at parts, which I felt really meshed with the idea of the poem quite well. I think one of the most notable place was we'll think of the lights in your eyes as it is one complete phrase, and the jarring effect of it being separated like that almost makes the reader stressed. I liked how it was all just one stanza, too, cause it made it feel like one long cohesive thought that would mimic something like sad thoughts going through a brain. Really nice work utilizing that structure to make the poem even more effective!

The one thing I would say is that there wasn't anything super unique in the poem. Aside the perfect way you described the pet very good Normallyread a poem, there are a few lines that I'll pick out and say that I really like the phrasing of. I think you made some interesting and super effective choices in terms of the overall flow and line breaks, but the actual content... I think if you put in a slightly more striking or unexpected image or used some really strong words that go to the extremes, you could get that super punchy poem that readers don't tend to forget after reading.

Overall: nice work!! I think you've got some really great stuff here, and I think the relatability and the way you conveyed your thought through the flow were some of the most outstanding parts of the poem. I hope to read more of your poetry soon! Until next time!!

Very good and laconic

[ Edit ]






thanks so much mate!!



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429 Reviews


Points: 46225
Reviews: 429

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Sat Nov 20, 2021 3:14 am
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Plume wrote a review...



Hey there! Plume here, with a review!

First off, I'm sorry for your loss; even though I've never had a pet, I can only imagine how painful this must be for you and your family. Sending lots of love <3

You did such a nice job of conveying the melancholy sadness that comes with death but also the faith that the one you lost is somewhere in a better place. You encapsulated that sad hope very well. I loved your imagery you used to convey that. Contrasting "old and wizened whiskers" with "eyes still young and full of hope" really tugged at my heartstrings. It just reminded me of how human dog's eyes can be, and... gosh. It really showed that pain that comes with losing someone important. That slow transition throughout the poem from mourning to hope was what made it absolutely spectacular. Really nice work.

I really loved the rhyme scheme of this poem. It was so unique, and I think it really suited this poem. I liked how it was almost a hidden rhyme scheme, like it didn't give the poem a super clear rhythm, but there were rhymes in there, you just kind of had to search for them. I think the rhyme scheme was really unique and did a great job of tying your stanzas together. The title too was also great; love the play on words with "downward dog" to be the reverse, again conjuring up that idea of hope.

Overall: I loved this poem. You did such a nice job of capturing those emotions, and I hope you find some relief soon. Stay strong <3






thank you so much!! <3



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Fri Nov 19, 2021 2:04 pm
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Georgie wrote a review...



This was lovely. I'm so sorry that happened and you needed to write this in the first place. We had to put our cat down a couple years ago because of lung cancer, and it really helped me to write poems. This is a good outlet for grief and I'm sure if they could read, your dog would appreciate this writing too. <3 Rest In Play, pupper. Hope you're doing ok.






thank you for your comment mate :,)




*gestures in butterfly meme*
— BluesClues