Hello waywardxwallflower! Incoming review!
Congrats on FM! With that said let me get on to the review.
I'll start with critique first.
Although this is in a grammatically correct format, it just doesn't sound pleasing. I don't know, it kinda sounds stumbled in it's presentation. Or it could also be because its length is so much shorter than all the other lines and it breaks up a flow we haven't even gotten to experience yet.A memory of years gone by.
The second line is where I have issues. This is all one sentence with a line break so there isn't any real reason to spin it into a less formal way of talking when your whole poem is somewhat formal. There needs to be a conjoining word to make it sound better.He laughs in the park, and the new beginnings of life
perk up to hear his old, withered voice.
The last one a probably more of a me problem and it's the difficulty of interoperating the poem's theme. I see you have a lot of Winter and budding flower imagery. But the only thing, for me, that comes to mind is walking through a dead garden (Winter) and then getting past it to see a beautiful array of flowers in another garden (Spring.) That's all I could really extract from it but my interoperation game ahs been off lately.
But that's it for critique, let me praise your work. I like your use of bigger words like, "vernal" and "perennial" and "seedtime" two of which I had to look up. It elevates your work into something more regal and mature. with seasonal poetry, it is often childish (not in a bad way) but your work is more mature with the choice of wording you use.
I also really really really like your capitalization and punctuation style. This is my favourite form of capitalization and punctuation in poetry so I'm a little biased, but this also contributes to the more mature feeling. Everything just works out!
But that's all I have for today. I hope you found some of it useful. Again, congratulations on Featured Member! You deserve it! Anyway byeeeeeeeeeeeee<3333
I’ll give honest feedback, but nothing at all is intended to hurt or discourage you in any way at all! <3 So, without waiting any longer, let’s get right into it and digest the spectabulous piece of literary work!
Points: 13187
Reviews: 185
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