z
  • Home

Young Writers Society


12+ Violence Mature Content

The origin of Anika

by vampricone6783


*This story is underneath my folder titled “The Father”. It’s part of my “The Father” stories. Gacha Club character designs are on my wall. Enjoy!*



Introduction

Natalie was a beacon of light for Anika. With Anika’s quiet nature was Natalie’s loudness. With Anika’s muted clothes was Natalie’s bright clothes.

If Natalie was happy, she was happy.

The brightest person, inside and out…

Anika couldn’t imagine what she would do if anything happened to Natalie.

Chapter One: Ambulance

Anika sat in the backseat of the car, watching the other cars slowly roll along. They were going to the movie theater for Natalie’s twelfth birthday.

An ambulance whirred past them with blinking red lights, startling and loud.

What’s going on? Anika thought.

Chapter Two: Canceled outing

“We’re going home.” Mom said.

“Home?! But what about Natalie’s birthday?” Anika asked.

Why would she just say that?

“It can’t happen right now. Something came up.” Mom said.

“But what?!” Anika asked.

Dad was already turning the car back towards home.

Mom and Dad exchanged looks. Then, Mom turned to face Anika and said:

“Natalie was in a car accident.”

What…no…it couldn’t be…could it? The ambulance…was Natalie in it?

Chapter Three: To the hospital

But already, they were driving to the hospital. Anika recognized the road, she could see the hospital building in the distance. It was painted sterilized white, and stood high and foreboding.

If Natalie is in there, then I hope that she’s okay. Anika thought.

Maybe she wasn’t. Maybe none of it was real.

Maybe it was all just a nightmare.

Chapter Four: All real

But as they drove through the hospital parking lot, Anika realized that it was real.

Somewhere in that vast hospital lay Natalie, weak and feeble, barely moving.

Her grinning, laughing friend Natalie, trapped in the confines of a hospital room.

It was all real.

Chapter Five: Her feeble body

Anika followed her parents into the building, not daring to speak. Maybe it wouldn’t look so bad. Maybe Natalie would only stay for a few days.

Maybe…

……………………………………………………

“You should wait in the waiting room.” Mom said once they made it to Natalie’s floor.

“No! I want to come. I want to check on her.” Anika said.

“Are you sure?” Mom asked worriedly.

“Yes!” Anika said.

The only thing worse than seeing a disaster was ignoring it, as thought it meant nothing.

……………………………………………………

Anika walked with her parents, to Natalie’s room.

She’ll be alright. She’s Natalie. Nothing too terrible can happen to her. Nothing-

Her thoughts were cut short when she found Natalie’s room.

Natalie lay on the bed, pale and gaunt, cheeks sunken in, bloody bandages on her skin and machines attached to her body.

She looked just like a decaying skeleton.

Chapter Six: The shadow in the corner

Even worse was the shadow in the corner of the room. The shadow Mom and Dad didn’t see.

The shadow standing over Natalie.

Chapter Seven: It didn’t speak

“Natalie? Hello? Are you alright?” Anika asked.

“Don’t talk to her, she’s still recovering.” Mom said softly.

The shadow, fearsome as ever, did not speak. It only stood over Natalie’s wheezing body.

Anika held her limp hand, wishing that she would say at least one word.

At least Natalie was breathing. That was good, right?

Chapter Eight: The nightmare

Anika and Natalie were holding hands as they ran through the beach, laughing as the sun shined.

But Natalie was beginning to cough out blood…her hand was going weak…

She fell into the sand. Anika knelt down to pick her up, but Natalie didn’t move.

“Natalie?” Anika asked timidly.

The waves pulled her away. The skin on Natalie’s body was nowhere to be seen.

She was a skeleton.

Chapter Nine: Early morning

Anika shot up from bed, sweat running down her forehead. The moon was still out, but she had a sense deep inside her that it wasn’t night.

It was just a dream, no need to worry.

But if it was just a dream, then what did the shadow mean?

No, more sleep was needed. That was all.

Chapter Ten: Calling a friend

The official morning had come. Anika was eating breakfast with her parents, as she always did.

“Can I go call Natalie after breakfast? Please?” Anika asked. She had to check on her, just to make sure that she was okay.

Mom and Dad exchanged looks.

“If she wants to be left alone then leave her.” Dad said.

“Okay. I promise.” Anika said.

Chapter Eleven: A strange noise

Anika opened up Natalie’s number on her phone as she walked into her room. Natalie and her Mom would leave the hospital after two days, but the nurse would hold Natalie’s phone up for her if someone wanted to give her a call.

“Hello? Natalie, how are you holding up?” Anika asked.

Static. Infinite, scratching static.

“Hello?”

A low, rumbling growl, a deep baritone, unlike anything Anika ever heard.

She turned off the phone.

Chapter Twelve: Nothing much…

Anika set the phone down on the ground. The shadow was in her mind and the growl was just leftover sound from the static of the phone. Except that cell phones didn’t have static…those were old phones…

Just live your life and wait until Natalie gets out. Then you can talk. Anika thought.

She just needed to calm down. That was all.

Chapter Thirteen: Natalie got out!

Anika rode on her bike to Natalie’s house. Three days had passed, she heard the news.

Natalie and her Mom got out! The hospital fixed them! There was nothing to worry about!

Absolutely nothing!

Chapter Fourteen: Up the stairs

After she biked away, Anika had made it to Natalie’s house. The door was unlocked, so she could come in.

The stairs to Natalie’s room seemed to go on forever, just like the hospital…

And where was her Mom?

Chapter Fifteen: Natalie’s scream

Anika walked up the stairs. Perhaps Natalie’s Mom went out for the day. But then, wouldn’t she be too weak to leave? Wouldn’t- No. They both got better. Everything was fine.

Anika could just say hello to Natalie and they’d talk, just like they used to. Everything would be alright. Why was she worried in the first place? She never needed to be.

“MY PINKY!” Natalie screamed.

Chapter Sixteen: Hello?

“Hello? Natalie? Natalie?” Anika asked.

There was no response. The door stayed firmly shut.

“Natalie?” Anika asked, reaching out for the doorknob.

Chapter Seventeen: On the ride back home

Anika pedaled back home, heart racing within. She couldn’t think of what she saw, the sheer obscenity of it all…

Too late. Already she was thinking of Natalie’s horrified green eyes, her pale skin stretching on bones, the purple of her hair washed away and replaced with corpse black. Her bloody pinky on her right hand, part of it bitten off.

Natalie screamed at Anika to run, so she did.

No! Anika couldn’t go back home, Natalie needed her!

Chapter Eighteen: Back to Natalie’s house

As Anika rode back to Natalie’s house, the road seemed to be getting smaller, compressed by trees.

No, it was just in her imagination.

How many times would she think that? It was as real as her own skin, she had to stop lying to herself.

Chapter Nineteen: There’s nothing to worry about, apparently

Anika stopped in front of Natalie’s house, dropping the bike on the front lawn when she arrived.

Natalie’s Mom’s car was parked, with her Mom in question coming out with a bag of groceries.

“Oh hey, Anika! It’s wonderful that you decided to stop by. Can you help me with the groceries?” She asked.

Anika looked back to the house, then at her friend’s Mom.

She acted so calm, maybe helping with groceries wouldn’t be too bad…

Chapter Twenty: Go back home, Anika

Anika followed Natalie’s Mom into the house, struggling with the bag of groceries.

Her eyes widened when she saw who was walking down the stairs.

It was none other than Natalie, grinning as though nothing had happened. A grinning skull, with petrified eyes.

“Hi Mom! Anika, what are you doing here? You should go home.” Natalie said in her weak, raspy voice.

“I just wanted to check on you and-“

“Go home, Anika. I’m fine.”

“After she helps with the groceries. Then she can leave.” Natalie’s Mom said.

Anika wanted to argue, but couldn’t. Her Mom didn’t say that Anika could stay and her parents would be mad at her for “bothering” Natalie.

She had to leave.

Epilogue

Natalie grew paler and thinner, yelling at Anika whenever she brought up her friend’s condition.

Every day, she seemed to deteriorate more and more…

Whatever was Anika to do?


Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
20 Reviews

Points: 609
Reviews: 20

Donate
Tue Apr 16, 2024 11:25 pm
View Likes
Inferno wrote a review...



Hello my fellow writer!

I want to start by stating that this narrative is so intriguing. I love how you built up the suspense! A good writer knows how to make the reader ask: "What?! What's going to happen?" You did that very well.

I feel like you could improve by adding more drama into it.
How does Anika feel in this situation?
You didn't really describe how the characters felt. You hinted at it with internal monologue like:
[quote] What…no…it couldn’t be…could it? The ambulance…was Natalie in it? [\quote]

But it would add more feeling if you put in something like:
[quote] Fear wrapped it's cold hand around Anika's heart, making it thump fervently [\quote]
Describing feeling in detail can work miracles for your writing and spice it up a little.

This narrative was a general masterpiece! Keep working hard and Happy Writing!




User avatar
61 Reviews

Points: 212
Reviews: 61

Donate
Mon Apr 15, 2024 5:33 pm
View Likes
keeperofgaming wrote a review...



Hello, I'm back with my somewhat Familiar style.

When I smiled:

Eerie, the shadow took away Natalie. Nooooo. Anika's not understanding was believable and sad the whole time. I only wish it ended better for the duo. I wonder if there will be a part two. There is definitely room for it.

I really should read more of your stories.

A Line to remember:

"Natalie screamed at Anika to run, so she did.
No! Anika couldn’t go back home, Natalie needed her!"

This cemented the tragedy. Anika cares for Natalie past herself and wants to help, despite what she witnessed.

A New Lesson (Suggestion or corrections):

I feel like the scene with Natalie was too vauge in what happened. I feel like it may have been somewhat better if a few more details were added. But it's still pretty good.

The Catalyst's Growth:

Nooo, poor Anika, she really cared for Natalie, and she remarked that she was lying to herself. That was so sad.

Overall:

Well done with eerieness.




vampricone6783 says...


Thank you! :]




"You may deem me romantic, my dear sister, but I bitterly feel the want of a friend."
— Mary Shelley, Frankenstein