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Mark-The misadventures of a man named Lucifer

by vampricone6783

*So now it’s Mark’s turn for his story to be told! Gacha Club character designs are on my wall.As always,enjoy!

Once upon a time,there was a young, seventeen year old boy named Mark.He was dealing with the things most teenagers dealt with.Friends,school,bullies and dating.

But one day,when he went home,he found his Mom,Dad and eleven year old sister, Christina, his entire family, in fact, was dead.There was the overwhelming stench of rotten bodies,the walls were decorated with metallic,hot blood and squishy, squelch organs were lying on the floor.

The teen only stared at the grisly scene,horrified.

A message written in blood was on the walls.It said:


Mark shuddered.His family tried so hard to get away from that…

A long time ago,when he was little, at the tender age of ten,he realized that the family he lived with wasn’t a normal family.It wasn’t even a family.It was a satanic witch cult.They took him away from his real family,because he had magical powers no one else had and they used him to their advantage.He was taken away from his family by the witches when he was three and reunited with them with he was ten.

He ran away from the witches,without them knowing.

But he had forgotten that they’d come back for him,that when they awoke from their slumber and gained more powers,they’d find him.

He couldn’t defeat them,even though he had extraordinary powers.They’ve always improved and changed their own,like how a virus changes to enter a host.He couldn’t possibly beat them..

Mark preferred to not use his powers and to not acknowledge magic at all.His family was fine with that and that was how life was.

Now,they were all dead.

A cloaked figure walked behind him.A witch.

“YOU BETRAYED US!” She seethed.

“I DIDN’T WANT ANY PART OF IT!” He screamed,crying.

“It doesn’t matter.You had powers,you were supposed to use them.” She said.She never showed her face.That was one of the things he hated about the cult.Members weren’t allowed to show their faces.Ever.It always felt like he was living with strangers.


She didn’t flinch.She simply pinned him to a wall and said:

“For your crimes,you shall suffer.”

“Crimes? What crimes?! I did nothing wrong! This is a crime! What you did is a crime!” Mark screamed.

She stabbed him in his gut.


Mark woke up in the state park forest.He knew she must have left his body in here,so no one would find him.

He felt…different.

Suddenly,he realized what had happened.He wasn’t dead,like the rest of his family.He was a vampire.

Mark knew his parents left him and his sister the family fortune,if anything happened to them.

Mark was the only one living,so he’d have the money now.But that wasn’t important.

What was important was what he would do with the money.

“Witches are greedy and selfish creatures.They all want more power.” Mark seethed.

If he had enough money,a witch was bound to marry him for wealth.Then,after she married him…

He wouldn’t kill witches.No,they would all suffer a fate much worse than death.

They would suffer from lies,deception and a loss of magic.He’d manipulate them,all of them,until there were no more witches left.

It’s what they deserved.After all,his family was murdered by one.

“I’ll get rid of the witches.For you,my family.” Mark whispered.

“This is all for you.” He whispered grimly,walking out of the forest.

Is this a review?



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1485 Reviews

Points: 154066
Reviews: 1485

Sat Jun 04, 2022 9:24 pm
IcyFlame wrote a review...

Hey there!

It's good to come at this one after reading about Lucifer's parents in the last story I reviewed. Maybe one day you could do some kind of family tree(s) for the different characters as they're so intertwined (if you haven't already!). I think it would be pretty cool to see.

The usual comment about spaces after punctuation apply - make sure you add them after commas and full stops!

Another quick little nitpick


was should be were

I think it worked well how Mark was screaming and shouting and the witch was completely calm about the whole thing. I would like to see some more of his powers though. I can understand him running away from the cult but they seem really mad about his powers which aren't properly shown?

I also wanted to clarify - did he run away from the witches and go back to his family? I assumed that's what happened but when you say 'and reunited with them when he was ten' it kind of under emphasises what he goes through to get back to them. I think I understand when I read further, but I think this section could do with some rearranging.

It is good to see how Mark forms his hatred of witches. What happens to the rest of them? When we read about his wedding it felt like there weren't that many witches but that's not the impression I get here. Does something happen in between? And what happened to Mark's powers when he became a vampire? Does he keep them?

I'm sure I'll be back for another installment soon!


vampricone6783 says...

I haven%u2019t really thought about what you asked.Now that I think about it,I will come up with stories to answer your questions.

Thank you for reviewing.

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701 Reviews

Points: 49988
Reviews: 701

Tue Feb 15, 2022 12:23 pm
ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...

Hey! Forever here with a review!!

This was more interesting and intriguing than I thought it would be. I really liked how we found reason behind everything in this origin story. A lot of things were cleared up here. Anyway, let's get into the review!

I don't know if I said this earlier but the time period should be cleared a bit. The age of this person too, if possible. Honestly speaking, none of the stories gave me a 21st Century vibe but again we have social media here in the very beginning. Of course, nowadays children have social media and everything but if we go into the childhood of the now-adult people, they probably didn't have social media to that extent back then. That's a thing to be considered.

Now we have the reasons as clear as water in front of me. Hm... We can't really blame Mark for all these. The witches were the main culprit. In all honesty, I wasn't expecting such a tragic story behind Mark's behaviour. I wonder about a few things though. First of all, Mark's magical power. Was Mark even more powerful than the witches who kidnapped him? If yes, I would like to know about his powers. One or two lines will do. Also, could he be categorized under some category for the powers? How did Mark re-unite with his family? He escaped or something? I don't think so, at least. I mean the evidences don't go with that. I would very much like to know how he met with his family and why did the witch really come back after seven whole years? When did he escape?Oh, I am afraid I put a lot of questions there at once... But one thing I definitely have to say, Mark was definitely the victim there and I don't see why he shouldn't try to take revenge now. That's not unnatural, after all.

Ah to some extent, I am actually against the way Mark is doing it because he should have taken revenge on that cult and not the whole witch community. He extended the behaviour of the cult and started to think that it was the behaviour of the whole tribe. I kind of don't like that. WE actually have examples that witches can be good creatures. Like Venessa was a good person as far as I am concerned. So now, the witches seem to be in a terrific situation. I wonder how they will get rid of him and his bad manipulation. Overall, it was quite a good one.

Keep Writing!!


vampricone6783 says...

So glad you liked it!

He doesn%u2019t reunite with his family.

After they all die,a switch goes off and turns him murderous.

I will delete the whole thing about social media.

He wasn%u2019t more powerful than the witches at the time.So he wasn%u2019t able to defeat them.

As for the witch waiting,the witch was resting.It takes seven years for a witch to rest.

vampricone6783 says...

Resting happens so they can regain their powers,gain energy.

vampricone6783 says...

I actually updated this origin story,clearing up some of your questions!

Tell me what you think.

ah yes my boiling cheetohs
— tatteredbones