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Young Writers Society

12+ Violence Mature Content

Marcellina Allaband’s story

by vampricone6783

*This is the story of a character from my story “31 horrendous Halloween tales”, which you can check out under my folder “31 Halloween tales”. There is another character connected to this story called Saccharine. You can read about him underneath my folder “Ferrin’s circus”. Gacha Club character designs are on my wall. Enjoy!*


Marcellina was a dancer, she danced with abandon. It was the time she disappeared, the time she had to herself.

But along came Mr. Ferrin, the man of the circus, to take Marcellina away. Marcellina thought that she would never again see the light of day.

Little did she know that someone frightfully optimistic would come her way and change what her story had to say…

Chapter One-Dancing in dreams


Marcellina swayed and danced in her room, living in her own world of butterflies and flowers. She liked dancing alone, that was when everything was in her complete control.

Marcellina felt like a swiftly singing willow weed, never ceasing her movement, always dancing.

“Marcellina! Get ready, guests are coming!” Mom called out.

Marcellina blinked back into reality. It was October, which would mean the annual autumn get-to-together with family.

She was still in her pajamas and she hadn’t even brushed her hair. It was time to quit dancing and start her day.

No matter how much fun dancing was.

Chapter Two-The guests’ arrival

Marcellina stood at the door, watching family members she didn’t know make their way up the front steps.

Marcellina was dressed nicely, in her good satin pink dress tied with a white bow. She waited at the door, just as she was told.

Marcellina wouldn’t dance, just as she was told.

Chapter Three-Woes of a child told no

Marcellina sat in a chair, watching the others dance to the music. The only person that sat next to her was Marcellina’s cousin, Eventide, who was seven years old, just like her.

“Are you not allowed to dance too?” Eventide asked.

Marcellina nodded.

“Why aren’t we allowed to dance? It’s such a silly rule!” Eventide complained, crossing her arms.

Marcellina only shrugged. She didn’t have any good answer to give, only that the adults didn’t want them to have fun.

“You know what? We should dance! Come on, let’s go!” Eventide said, getting up from her chair.


“It’s just dancing. There’s nothing to be afraid of.” Eventide said.

“I guess not.” Marcellina said, joining Eventide.

Eventide was right. They were just going to dance and have fun, they wouldn’t hurt a soul.

So why did Marcellina feel the chill of something horrid coming along?

Chapter Four-A beautiful haze

Marcellina and Eventide swayed with the music, dancing to their heart’s content. At first, nothing happened. No one noticed them.

But then, people around them fell to the ground. There were voices rising, but the girls couldn’t stop.

They were lost in a dream, the world around them meaning not a single thing.

Chapter Five-What just happened?

“Marcellina! Eventide!” Mom called out.

Marcellina shook herself back into reality. Everyone closest to her and Eventide lay still on the ground, not twitching in the slightest.

Those that weren’t close stood still, blankly watching them. Mom stared at the girls with her arms crossed.

Marcellina swallowed hard, taking the hand of Eventide.

Were they dead? Did the girls kill them just by dancing? Did-

Slowly, the bodies began to move. They rose up from the ground, shocked and confused, but alive.

Marcellina breathed a sigh of relief. They weren’t dead, just asleep.

But why did Mom still look upset?

Chapter Six-Sentenced to bedroom

“I told you not to dance. I told you to stay still.” Mom said, walking towards her. Next to her was Aunt Winona, Eventide’s Mom.

“But they’re fine! Everyone is fine! We just wanted to dance.” Marcellina said.

“Someone could have thought that they were dead.”

“It’s just us!”

“Go to your room.”


“Please go.”

“Come on, Eventide. We’re leaving.” Aunt Winona said.


“No buts. We’re going home.”

Marcellina watched as Aunt Winona took Eventide by the hand. She didn’t want to move, didn’t want to speak.

They were both in trouble for no reason.

Chapter Seven-A haunt in town


The party had ceased its celebration. Marcellina sat on her bed, legs curled to her chest, face covered in dried-up tears, head spiraling with thoughts of confusion.

Why am I in trouble?

What did I do wrong?

The door creaked open. Mom stepped in.

“You’re not in trouble, Marcellina. I want you to know that.” She said.

“But we are being watched.”

“What?” Marcellina asked, uncurling herself.

Mom pulled up a chair to her bed and sat on it.

“There’s a new man in town. His name is Mr. Ferrin and he takes kids away to join his circus.”

“A circus? Isn’t that supposed to be fun?”

“Not this one. This one is made to scare the audience. Other people will be scared of you. He goes around town, looking for magical kids like you and your cousin. If he finds you, you will never see me or your Daddy again.”

Marcellina processed it all, imagining a life where she would never again see her parents, where everyone was afraid of her…

“I’m sorry I snapped at you. That was uncalled for. You don’t have to forgive me, I just want you to understand.”

“I’ll leave you to your thoughts now. You can come out whenever you like.”

With that, Mom got up and left Marcellina alone.

Chapter Eight-The man in the room

Marcellina thought about what Mom said. There was a man who took children? She only heard of such villains in the stories she read, she never thought that they were real.

A young man with shining eyes and gleaming teeth grinned at her from the corner of her room, dressed in a sparkling black and red suit.

Marcellina almost screamed, but not a sound came out.

The man disappeared just as quickly as he came, leaving behind a black, gaping shadow that grew and grew until it touched her ceiling.

Then, that too faded away.

Marcellina’s cold terror kept her still for a while. She was too shocked to speak, too shocked to move.

Chapter Nine-A family dinner

“You look pale, Marcellina. Are you alright?” Dad asked. The three of them were sitting at the dinner table, eating a bowl of spaghetti. But Marcellina’s mind flickered back to the man in her room, with his awful, sharp-toothed smile.

“I saw a man in my room. He looked very scary, like a monster.” Marcellina said.

She didn’t think that she said it quite right, because both parents had a hint of worry in their eyes, but Dad only said: “There was no man in your room, there’s nothing to worry about.”

Marcellina looked to Mom, but she didn’t say a word.

“You should worry about your paleness.” Dad said.

Marcellina looked down at her hands. They were white, pure white, like the color of bones.

Marcellina sighed as she stabbed her fork into the spaghetti. Her paleness was the least of her problems. She saw a man in her room. Mom knew something that Dad didn’t.

She sensed that it wasn’t the appropriate time to talk, like always. Marcellina focused only on dinner, one of the constant thing that would never change.

Chapter Ten-The top step of the staircase

Marcellina walked up the stairs to her room, holding onto the railing. The house was eerily quiet with the sticky sweetness of pumpkins growing outside. The scent had wafted through the open windows, putting the house in a sickly, yet slightly comforting, atmosphere.

Marcellina’s hands were still pale white, but the whiteness was climbing up to her arms. Her lavender nightgown swayed on the steps, her blond hair almost covered her large, searching blue eyes.

She stopped at the second step. Standing in front of her bedroom door was the same man from before, leering at her just as he had earlier.

“I can’t wait for you to join me. Your Mom was so wonderful.” The man gushed.

“What…what do you mean?” Marcellina asked quietly.

The man only chuckled softly. He reached out to pat Marcellina’s head with a gloved hand, but she ducked down, watching him warily.

“You’ll grow to like your situation!”  The man said with such happiness that it made her want to puke.

Marcellina pushed past him and ran off to her room, not even looking behind to watch him fade away.

She just wanted to sleep without his horrid, claw-like presence laughing at her silently from the corner of her room.

Chapter Eleven-A nightmare

Marcellina walked on the dirt ground, dust billowing in her face. All around her were candy-striped tents, reaching up to the mildew brown sky with imposing flags.

There was a blur of people around her, all shocked, all murmuring to one another. There were clowns with legs that were as tall as trees, bending down to smile at the people. For some reason, they ran away screaming.

A clown with a shocked frizz of green hair in a white and black jumpsuit bent down to smile at Marcellina. She waved back at him, for there was nothing to be afraid of. He only wanted to say hello.

The clown bowed and walked away, perhaps to go say hello to others.

Fire blazed from the lips of lava-covered people, gaining gasps from the crowd.

There were three girls, little girls Marcellina’s age, who crawled on the ground like spiders, but had the skin of snakes.

But one person in particular caught Marcellina’s eyes.

She was her age. She was completely white, from her hair to her toes.

The girl danced and swayed, sending the few people that surrounded her into a deep, still sleep.

“Watch her kill them just by dancing!” The young man next to her yelled.

The young man…he was the same man Marcellina saw.

The girl looked like she wanted to cry, but she didn’t. She kept dancing, her white gown swaying as she did, people dropping like flies around her, their hands contorting to the sky, as if she were dead.

But Marcellina knew better. Marcellina knew what was really going on. They weren’t dead, they were only asleep.

For a brief moment, before the dust consumed her vision, Marcellina and the girl made eye contact.

Chapter Twelve-A realization

Marcellina shot up from bed, blinking the sleep out of her eyes. She was in the circus for a few moments. It was only a dream, but it felt so real.

But what if it was real? The girl looked familiar. Marcellina didn’t know how, but she did.

Then it clicked inside her. Just like walking, it seemed so natural, so true.

The girl was her Mom. The dream was her memory.

The morning sun glittered through her windows, as though Marcellina had not seen anything particularly frightening.

Chapter Thirteen-Eventide?

Marcellina sat on the porch steps, watching the people go by. She had nothing to do with her time besides play with her toys and at the moment, she wasn’t interested.

So she decided to watch the people go on with their own lives. Mom said that everyone had their own stories hidden within them. Marcellina liked to imagine what was going on in their minds. It was entertaining to do so.

A familiar brown ponytail bobbed in the wind, the owner skipping in Mary Janes. Her pink dress swished like the petals of a flower, the plant of faeries.

Marcellina got up and rubbed her eyes. No…it couldn’t be…

“Eventide?” Marcellina asked herself, standing up to get a better look.

Sure enough, it was Eventide, skipping up to her house, a lively grin on her face.

Marcellina didn’t wait any longer. She ran towards Eventide, pure sunshine in her heart.

They embraced once they were together, two best friends reuniting.

Chapter Fourteen-To dance is to be happy

“What are you doing here?” Marcellina asked after they were done hugging.

“Mom said that I could come over, so I did! Do you want to go inside and dance? There aren’t a lot of people around, so it’s okay.” Eventide said.

Marcellina hesitated. Eventide was right, it was just the two of them, but still, it felt incredibly criminal to dance, as though someone was lurking in the shadows, waiting for the girls to make the wrong move.

“She can dance with you!” Mom said.

Marcellina looked back at the front steps and saw Mom standing there, with a warm smile on her face.

“Great! Let’s go!” Eventide said brightly, taking Marcellina’s hand before she could voice her woes.

Chapter Fifteen-An unexpected visitor

Mom and Dad sat on the living room couch, watching them. Eventide began to twirl on her toes, dress opening up as if it were full bloom. Marcellina caught sight of her hands, which were also beginning to whiten.

Marcellina stood still, looking for the man. There was no sign of him standing in the shadow, waiting to snatch her away.

She decided that it was safe and danced along with Eventide.

“You girls look so beautiful!” Dad said with such warmth it made Marcellina light up.

Why was she so afraid in the first place? It was just the two of them, dancing to their own rhythm, with her parents watching, living in a beautiful, colorful world of their design.

After a while, the girls bowed, down with their dancing.

“That was quite the performance!” A voice said from the far corner of the room.

Marcellina and the others looked to the corner.

The young man smiled at them and waved with a white gloved hand, his fingers seeming to catch spider webs.

“You have no place here. Get out.” Mom said to the man. With a shaking finger, she pointed to the door.

“I won’t leave until I get my performers.” The man said, stepping out of the darkness.

The girls backed away, holding onto one another. Marcellina knew of his true intentions, but Eventide only sensed the danger that was to come.

“They’re not your performers. They’re little girls. Now, get out.” Dad said.

The man lightly laughed, not a care in the world.

Dad was raising his hands up in the air, but the man pushed him back to the couch with just a flick of his fingers. Mom placed one leg in front of the other, as she was about to dance, but she couldn’t move.

Marcellina wanted to run. She wanted to leave the sight of her shaking, frightened parents.

But just like Mom, she and Eventide could not move.

The man smiled at the girls once he reached them. His smile was sickeningly optimistic, lips stretching over his teeth like wax.

“It’s such a pleasure to see the both of you.” He said.

With that, the man placed a hand on their shoulders and they faded into black, milky smoke.

Chapter Sixteen-Time for a brand new future!

When the smoke cleared, Marcellina found herself standing in what seemed to be a circus, with the Big Tops reaching high into the sky and towering clowns waving down at passerby.

There were other monsters, too. There were fire monsters covered in lava-streaked rocks and little girls with the skin of snakes who crawled like spiders.

“Welcome to the circus, children! You may address me as Mr. Ferrin. Come, let’s go to your trailers!” Mr. Ferrin boomed.

The girls exchanged nods and briefly broke away from Mr. Ferrin’s grip, but he grabbed them both by the collars of their dresses.

“We can’t have you leaving us so soon.” Mr. Ferrin said.

The girls hung their heads in shame as Mr. Ferrin dragged them away. There was no way they’d ever leave the circus. He had them at his hold and he would never let them go.

Chapter Seventeen-The trailer

“You’ll be sleeping in here for now. Tomorrow, when I learn your names, you’ll have more personal living spaces.” Mr. Ferrin said, shoving them both to a nondescript brown trailer.

The girls skittered inside like mice escaping a crazed cat, desperate for some kind of safety, even if it was only another trap.

Chapter Eighteen-A misunderstanding

A new day had begun. It was the first day of being in the circus. Mr. Ferrin had so rudely woken them both up by knocking on the trailer door. Once it was opened, he shoved two white lace dresses at their faces and demanded that they changed into them before slamming the door shut again.

They had long since finished changing and ran to the center of the circus, where everyone else was.

A crowd of people gathered around them, waiting with hungry eyes. Mr. Ferrin nudged a boy towards them and said very softly, so that only the girls could hear:


They were small, the adults were tall. They could run away if they had enough time, Marcellina reasoned. All they had to do was-

Eventide was caught in a rhythmic contortion, dancing her heart out. The whiteness was spreading to her neck, blossoming on her skin.

Marcellina joined in, for deep down, she couldn’t leave Eventide to dance on her own. They were surrounding the boy, who watched with transfixed eyes before twisting and turning his own body, soft fingers reaching towards the sky.

He fell to the ground, as if he had no more will to move.

“And that, my friends, is how you kill someone just by dancing!” Mr. Ferrin boomed, stepping out of the crowd.

There were murmurs and gasps among the people, each giving the girls a horrid glare. It hurt Marcellina in the heart that they were all mad at them. Why were they mad? What did they do wrong?

“He’s not dead! He’s just sleeping!” Marcellina yelled.

“Sleeping? He isn’t breathing!” A high voice had yelled through the crowd. It was so loud and so distressed, like a banshee, that Marcellina had to cover her ears.

A woman had made her way through the audience, her green eyes flaring with tears and anger.

“You killed my son! The both of you! Without a single thought, you-“

“He’s just sleeping! He’ll wake up, I promise!” Marcellina screamed, tears pooling out of her eyes. She hadn’t meant to scream at the woman, but she wouldn’t stop yelling at Marcellina and Eventide, as if it were their faults.

“I don’t see him moving.” The woman said coldly, turning up her head in contempt.

Marcellina tried to speak, to tell the woman that yes, he was alive, but her words were lost. When she looked at the woman’s muddy green eyes, so full of such boiling hatred, the kind that was reserved for murderers, she couldn’t speak. Marcellina could only look at the woman in petrified horror.

“He is asleep. You just have to wait for him to wake up.” Eventide said softly.

“The boy is dead, now let’s go.” Mr. Ferrin said, taking the woman’s hand.

“He’s not dead! He’s just sleeping! Don’t go!” Eventide yelled.

But everyone was already leaving, stopping to glare at the girls before doing so. Marcellina couldn’t move. She only stood still, letting the tears blur her eyes, wishing nothing more than to die.

Chapter Nineteen-The boy wakes up

Just a few minutes after the crowd left, the boy woke up, stunned.

“Where am I? What happened? What-“

“Just close your eyes. We’ll take you to your Mom.” Eventide said. Marcellina’s eyes were still covered in tears, but it made her feel slightly better to hear the boy’s voice.

Eventide took Marcellina’s hand. Both girls closed their eyes and pictured the boy with his Mom, light and carefree. They never tried it before, the thought just came to them, as instinct and right as breathing.

When they opened their eyes, the boy was holding the hand of his Mom. Both were headed for the corn dog stand.

Both didn’t have to worry about being trapped.

Chapter Twenty-A way to leave, perhaps?

“Do you think that we can get out of here?” Marcellina asked Eventide. Both of them were walking throughout the circus, for night had fallen and the audience had left.

Eventide shrugged.

“We could try to leave, but wouldn’t Mr. Ferrin find us?” Eventide asked.

Marcellina nodded. If he had so easily stopped her parents from protecting them, then of course he’d find them if they tried to escape.

“I can help.” A hushed, burning voice said.

The girls turned around.

Standing behind them was the fire-breather, a million stars folded into one person.

“Come on.” He said, gesturing them to come over with his flame-licked claw.

They didn’t question it. They ran right to him, hope flying in their brains like poisonous butterflies.

Chapter Twenty-One-They’ve all been waiting

The fire-breather led them to a far end of the circus, where the rest of the performers stood waiting in a circle.

“I’ve found that we all have a different kind of magic in us. If we work together…” The fire-breather trailed off and put his hands out in front of them, as did the others.

In the middle of the circle was a glowing, morphing blue ball of light.

“Then we can create a portal. We don’t know where the portal will take us, but we hope that it will take us home.” The fire-breather said.

“Come and help us, uh…”

“Eventide! This is my cousin, Marcellina.” Eventide said.

The fire-breather smiled at Marcellina with fascinating teeth that glowed orange.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Aarush and that is my sister, Adan.” Aarush said, pointing to the other fire-breather, who waved at the girls.

“The two clowns are Blair and Rain.” Aarush said.

Both clowns bowed while they held hands.

“And the three snake girls are Catalina, Holly, and Gaia.” Aarush said.

All three girls smiled at them.

“Now that we’re well acquainted, we’ll get along easier when we leave the portal.” Aarush said.

He joined hands with Adan and motioned for the other girls to join, too. Eventide ran right ahead, Marcellina trailing behind in quiet excitement.

They were finally going to be free! They wouldn’t have to be trapped in the circus after-

“What do you think you’re doing?” A horribly optimistic voice asked.

Marcellina froze.

Chapter Twenty-Two-Mr. Ferrin?

Marcellina knew who it was before she turned around.

Mr. Ferrin grinned back at her with all the happiness of a monster catching its victim.

He clapped his hands and the rest of the performers stood completely still, not twitching a muscle.

“Come with me, girls! I’ve got a surprise for you.” He said.

Both still had hope in their little hearts and tried to run away, but Mr. Ferrin pulled them close with the invisible, pulling force of his hands.

Chapter Twenty-Three-His plan

After hours of walking, Mr. Ferrin took the girls to his tent.

“The reason that you two become white whenever you dance is because you’re using your energy. Your energy becomes filled with magic and turns the both of you white, like ghosts.”

From out of his pocket, he took out a sharp, jagged needle. The girls backed away, holding onto one another as soldiers would.

“You don’t need to be afraid. It’s just a needle.” Mr. Ferrin said with a grin.

Chapter Twenty-Four-The death of a cousin

Marcellina grabbed Eventide’s hand, about to make a run for it, but Mr. Ferrin snatched Eventide in his arms.

“Trying to run from your guardian?” He asked.

Marcellina tried to part Eventide, who was struggling to escape, from Mr. Ferrin with the powers in her hands, but nothing came of it.

“You are only a child. You can’t use your powers that well.” Mr. Ferrin said.

The needle pierced Eventide’s neck.

Chapter Twenty-Five-The show must go on

Eventide’s paleness washed away, replaced by a deathly, horrid gray. She fell to the ground limply, as if she didn’t exist at all.

Mr. Ferrin grinned at Marcellina with teeth that seemed even sharper and whiter than before.

“Come now, Marcellina. The show must go on.” He said.

Marcellina nodded slowly, not a single thought registering in her brain, only staring at Eventide’s sad, destroyed body, arms splayed out like a skeleton.

Chapter Twenty-Six-Can’t ever leave

Marcellina looked up at the sky. She couldn’t believe that the first licks of morning light were setting in, that everything had already passed by.

“Now, I want to make this clear: You’re going to stay with me. You won’t run or you’ll regret it. Understand?” Mr. Ferrin asked.

Marcellina nodded woodenly. There was nothing else to do but heed his every command.

Chapter Twenty-Seven-The disappeared performers

The crowds of people began to storm in, greedy excitement in their eyes. Marcellina saw that the other performers were still around, but they seemed…different. They seemed more like monsters and less like people.

Marcellina and Mr. Ferrin walked past a stilt-clown, a clown who Marcellina recognized as Rain.

“Rain? Hello? Are you alright?” Marcellina asked.

She only hissed at Marcellina, sharp, yellow teeth bared. Marcellina cowered away, to which Rain only cackled at.

“She’s gone, Marcellina. All of them are. They all belong to me. That’s what happens when you don’t listen. I turn you into a real monster.” Mr. Ferrin said.

Marcellina watched as Rain walked away, scaring people with her brother, Blair.

Even though there were throngs of people around, Marcellina never felt more alone in her life as she did in that moment.

Chapter Twenty-Eight-Like mother, like daughter

Marcellina walked into her trailer and plopped on her cot facedown. She was too exhausted and sad to go to bed properly. It had been a long, stressful day at the circus. She just wanted some sleep…

Marcellina was in a room painted with lemon-yellow walls. Butterflies and flowers of the rainbow were mixed with the yellow. Bright, girlish things decorated the room. The bed was lavender and looked like a bed for royalty.

On the brown hardwood floor was a girl who was completely white, just like Marcellina. She wore a long pink nightgown and was cooing softly to a baby doll, not a care in the world.

Marcellina understood that it was her Mom when she was Marcellina’s age.

The girl looked up, into a far corner of her room, and screamed. Marcellina screamed too when she looked.

Standing in the corner was Mr. Ferrin, grinning with evil white teeth. He cocked his head and said:

“Hello, Sparrow.”

Sparrow tried to run, just as Marcellina had, but Mr. Ferrin had frozen her.

The world crashed into a blinding white shock of light.

Chapter Twenty-Nine-The truth about Mr. Ferrin

Marcellina shot up from bed, the shock of fear still lingering within. The trailer door creaked open and Mr. Ferrin walked inside, his black boots clicking on the ground.

“I realize that I may have been too harsh.” Mr. Ferrin said as he walked up to Marcellina.

She drew her knees up to her chest, making herself smaller so that he may not notice her.

He sat on the edge of her bed, just as her Dad would have done when he was trying to comfort her from a nightmare.

“I’m just like you, Marcellina. I’m a monster.”

Mr. Ferrin grinned his sharp, white teeth again. Marcellina recoiled away from him. Sure, they were both creatures of the bottom Earth, but it was he who was the monster.

“I have to exist off energy, energy that is only present in your family. I don’t mean to harm you.” Mr. Ferrin said.

“But please, try and cooperate more. You’re my favorite performer, I want you on your best behavior.” He said.

Marcellina didn’t say anything, but he could see the sorrowful hatred in her eyes, sense the coldness of her quiet anger, and left, black boots clicking on the ground.

Chapter Thirty-A way out

Marcellina curled in bed, closing her eyes. She just needed to sleep…to forget it all…

She was back in the circus, only Sparrow looked older and completely pale. She was dancing for an audience, a boy her age at her mercy. His limbs twisted and turned, then he fell to the ground, his body falling heavily on the dirt.

Everyone screamed and yelled at Sparrow. One by one, Mr. Ferrin was leading the audience away.

Why did they come if they knew that something terrible would happen? It wasn’t Sparrow’s fault, she was just doing her job.

But as soon as they left, the boy woke up.

“Leave. Go to your family.” Sparrow said.

He stood up from the ground and looked her in the eye.

“I won’t.” He said.

“Your family misses you, just-“

Sparrow’s sentence was cut short as the boy raised his hands in front of him. There was a morphing, glowing blue ball.

“It’s a portal. It can take you anywhere you want to go. You don’t seem like you want to stay here, so you can make a portal.”

“I can do that?” Sparrow asked softly.

“Of course you can. You’re a witch. We both are. I’m Akuma. You?”

“My name is Sparrow.” She said.

Marcellina smiled. She knew that they were her parents just by looking at them. She felt it within. They were the people who loved her, the people who cared about her.

“You’re a monster too? Wonderful” Mr. Ferrin said.

Akuma hastily put down his hands, but it was too late. Mr. Ferrin put a hand on his shoulder and led him away.

Sparrow watched sadly.

Again, the world around Marcellina faded into a white clap of light.

Morning had not yet come, she could see that much from how the moon shone.

Her parents were still alive. Mr. Ferrin didn’t kill them, he just stopped them from helping her. They were waiting for Marcellina to come home. Heck, maybe they were looking for her!

Marcellina put her hands out in front of her and thought of coming home, to her family.

You need to bring the others with you for the portal to get bigger. Eventide’s voice said in her mind.

For a brief moment, there was a green ball of light. For a brief moment, there was a way out.

Marcellina grinned to herself. All hope was not lost! She and the others were going to get out!

They would all be free!


Marcellina worked hard on the portal, putting all her time and energy into it. Dad said that it only got bigger with the help of others, but no one ever listened.

They were all monsters, all lost.

But there was still hope, she could still try.

She could still try…

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Thu Nov 16, 2023 12:19 pm
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Isbah wrote a review...

Hi! This is a really interesting story and I enjoyed reading it. I'd definitely want to know more about the character. For me, Marcellina's mother's history was the most interesting bit. I think you've managed to express the whole story from the point of view of a six year old really well; the thoughts are not complex and child-like. There were a few parts which I felt can be improved.
In chapter 7, I think you should describe the scene more. The part where she's dancing with her cousin and the people look like they're dead.
I love your description of how the man appears suddenly and then disappears. (I looked behind myself when I read that)
In chapter 10, as a child, shouldn't the part where she sees the man standing at the top of the stairs evoke a more frightened response? She almost seems to be calm. Maybe that depends on her personality though.
In chapter 13, why is it surprising to see Evantide? Aren't they cousins? It's almost like she suddenly came across a long lost friend, which isn't really what's happening here.
In chapter 15, the scene where the man comes and takes them away, I thought it was too easy for him. More struggle would have added more suspense maybe?
When both of them arrive at the circus in chapter 16, why do they feel shame? I'd feel frightened.
At the end, I really like the idea of how Mr. Ferrin needs that energy to survive. The bit where you call Marcellina and her family monsters though, I think I'd prefer it if you added more details to that. Also, it felt like Marcellina wasn't that sad at her cousins death. Or maybe she was and it ended too quickly, she got caught up in escaping too quickly.
Overall, I really loved it.

Go in fear of abstractions.
— Ezra Pound