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16+ Violence Mature Content

Lucas’ song (reprise)

by vampricone6783

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence and mature content.

*Here’s another song from my “Town of Richardson” stories. Gacha Club character designs are on my wall. Enjoy!*

It appears I’ve done more than I’ve needed to

I’ve caused more problems than I should have

In the end, it was all worth it!

Yes, the deaths were worth it!

Yes, the murders were worth it!

There’s nobody standing in my way now!

I can finally, finally, finally show my true potential!

I’m gonna give them something to fear

I’m gonna give them something to scream about

Years ago, I was hurt

Now, I’m the one who’s a killer

Who is the monster now?


J U S T  M E  A N D  O N L Y  M E 

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1516 Reviews

Points: 158958
Reviews: 1516

Tue Jul 18, 2023 2:55 pm
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IcyFlame wrote a review...

Hey vampricone, I'm just popping by for a quick review on these lyrics!

I like that you've chosen some lyrics that all consist of a series of short and concise lines, each expressing a specific thought or emotion. That style coupled with your use of repetition - like "I’ve/I'm/I and Yes, the at the beginning of multiple lines, creates a sense of emphasis and intensity. The whole thing being short but quite punchy is reflective of the style of a lot of your stories, so I think that ties together well.

The hint of darkness and a transformation from being a victim Years ago, I was hurt to becoming the one who inflicts harm Now, I’m the one who’s a killer also ties back to a lot of the short stories I've read!

To perhaps make the lyrics a little more engaging, you could use vivid imagery and descriptive language to create a deeper emotional impact. Also, the lyrics being quite short mean we don't get much emotional development from the character but there's clearly a larger backstory here - maybe you could consider building the lyrics with a more gradual progression of feelings. This could create a stronger connection with the character's development, making the final lines more impactful.

Hope this was helpful!


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16 Reviews

Points: 2391
Reviews: 16

Tue Jul 18, 2023 3:20 am
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Irishpride13 wrote a review...

Barling, I rely do hope this is just words on a page. not a glimpse of what is to come. If it is the latter please keep me out of your new endeavors. if it is the former your poetry/lyrics strike me as a new "monster" awaking form deep seated trauma and the entities mind has snapped violently. Either way the Carnage will be horrifying or amazing depending on how you look at it


I was weeping as much for him as her; we do sometimes pity creatures that have none of the feeling either for themselves or others.
— Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights