Hi there!
These don't really seem like a collection of short stories but rather one, long disjointed story. It would have been nice for it to all be one connected narrative but these short stories are effective on their own.
Analysis of "Philippa and Nova reminisce falling in love":
Positive Elements:
-This short scene conveys a nice tender moment between Philippa and Nova as they reminisce about their first meeting and express their love for each other.
-The dialogue is very simple and straightforward, effectively conveying the emotions of the characters without confusing the reader.
What could be improved:
-The story is short and is more of just a short random scene than a story. It doesn't provide much context, leaving the reader with limited understanding of the relationship between Philippa and Nova if they haven't read your other stories.
-More depth could be added to the characters and their relationship to provide a more engaging and meaningful moment through more description of emotions and how they feel.
Analysis of "Philippa got bullied for her eyes":
Positive Elements:
-This short scene captures the bullying that Philippa endured, and the harsh toll it took on her self-esteem.
-The dialogue between the bullies accurately depicts the cruelty and insensitivity of some children towards someone they perceive as different, and it is relatable to any readers who were bullied as children, like myself.
What could be improved:
-The scene is abrupt and could benefit from some additional context or a longer narrative to provide more insight into Philippa's character and experiences.
-The scene also seems to lack a clear purpose or resolution, making it feel disconnected from the rest of the short stories.
Analysis of "Why was Philippa born with red eyes?":
Positive Elements:
-This scene captures Philippa's inner turmoil and her struggle with her identity and her place in the world due to her red eyes.
-The description of her emotions and thoughts are relatable and well-crafted.
What could be improved:
-This scene lacks clear some structure and could benefit from some additional context or a longer narrative to provide more insight into Philippa's character and experiences. It seems like an emotional and complex issue for a character so more description and in depth writing would be appropriate.
-The scene also seems to lack a clear purpose or resolution. It seems like a snippet of something larger.
Analysis of "What happened to her?":
Positive Elements:
-The scene effectively conveys the mystery surrounding Philippa's disappearance and the speculation of the children in the story.
What could be improved:
-The scene is short and mostly comprised of dialogue. This is effective but doesn't really explain what happened to Philippa properly.
Analysis of "Summer shopping!":
Positive Elements:
-This scene provides a nice, light and breezy moment in the story. It offers a contrast to the more serious themes explored in the other scenes.
-The interaction between Reagan and Sophia is quite well-written
Points: 6841
Reviews: 235
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