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Young Writers Society


12+ Language Violence

Eloise-The demented doll woman

by vampricone6783


PART ONE

It was the year 2016 and Marcie's family was renting a new house,next to a creepy old boutique.Marcie's family decided to rent a house because her older sister,Katlin,was graduating from high school.To celebrate,they went to her favorite town:Nightmare Hill.

It was everything it sounded.Ghost stories and all.But Katlin liked creepy things,which is why they were going to Nightmare Hill. Marcie,not so much.Marcie liked anything most twelve year olds would like.Things like using Social Media and reading about the latest celebrities.

You can tell how enthusiastic she was about renting a house next to some moldy boutique.

"Why can't we go watcha movieand have a graduation party at home? Why do we have to go to THIS creepy town?" Marcie complained.

"This "creepy town" is where Katlin wants to graduate. We're to celebrate like a good family and have a spooktacular time. So stop frowning and start smiling!" yelled Mom.

"Ugh,fine." Marcie fumed all the way there. When they finally stopped at the house,she thought she would post things on her phone when no one was looking and talk about how creepy this place was.

Marcie walked inside of the dusty boutique and clicked on her app. Her 100.867 million followers would love to hear her feelings about Nightmare Hill's Boutique.

Well,time to record.She thought.

She pressed on the record button and started talking.

"Hello,everybody. Today we are going to look at this creepy boutique." She continued,"What we're looking at right here is a subject for ghost stories. Legend has it that Eloise tried and failed to look thinner than she actually was,and the result was that she turned into a walking,talking,mannequin. I personally want to get the heck out of here,but my family won't let me because my freaky sister wants to celebrate her graduation here. I mean,who wants to graduate in this haunted town? I would have a graduation party in at a fast food restaurant and I know everyone will agree. Except for my sister.Well,bye for now! And please follow!"

She ended the video.Perfect...just as she was about to upload it,she heard a voice.

"Shut up,you annoying girl." said the voice.It sounded like a ghost and doll combined together.

Marcie panicked and dropped her phone,causing it to break.

"Who-What are you?" Marcie blubbered.

"I'm Eloise."said the voice.The owner of the voice stepped into the light.

It was a six foot tall,blond-haired mannequin with black eyes and an equally black dress.The mannequin had an annoyed and sad expression on her face,which brought chills down Marcie's spine.

"The real question is,who are you and what are you doing in my boutique?" Eloise asked.

"I'm Marcie.All I wanted to do was record your shop and post-"

"YOU WERE RECORDING MY SHOP?!?!" she suddenly yelled.

"I-uh..." Marcie stammered.

"DO YOU NOT CARE HOW HARD I WORKED TO GET THIS PLACE TO EXIST?!?!" Eloise screamed.

"No, it's not that.I just wanted to get more followers..." Marcie mumbled.

"Hang on.What are followers?" Eloise asked.

"You don't know what followers are?" Marcie asked with a raised eyebrow.

"No,I don't." Eloise mumbled.

"What year is it?" Eloise asked.

"2016." Marcie answered."Why?"

"I've been a doll for CENTURIES?!?"

"I guess so."

"Oh no!” Eloise panicked.

"I'll help you become human." Macie said.

"You will?"

"Yes."

Marcie couldn't believe her own ears.

I'M going to help her become human? Marcie thought,shocked.

Just then, papers fell off a shelf. Eloise picked them up with some difficulty and read them out loud:

"If thy spell of thinness shalt backfire,then ye shalt seeketh help from a young girl. Only thy young girl shalt maketh ye human."

"YOU'RE a young girl.You also said you'd help me.My employees were grown women.THAT'S why they couldn't help me. YOU'RE the only one who can reverse the spell." Eloise said,astounded.

"Here are thy ingredients:one cupeth of tea,fifty pieces of puzzles , three locks of hair from thy helper,and a black dress.We need THOSE ingredients?!?" Eloise cried out , surprised.

"I guess so. Here's three locks of my hair." Marcie handed her the hair pieces.

"I'm going to get the rest of the ingredients,okay?" She said.

"Okay" said Eloise.

"Where have you been?" asked Marcie's mom.

"Just browsing the antique shop next door." She answered,not looking her in the eyes.

"Look me in the eyes and tell me you weren't making videos. If you were,then I'm taking that phone away."

"I wasn't making videos." She mumbled,not looking her in the eyes.

"Give me that phone."said Mom.

"YOU CAN'T TAKE MY PHONE AWAY!!" Marcie protested.

"I can and I will. Give me that phone,Marcie Ann Cadence."

"But-But..."

"Now.” She said firmly.

"Ugh,fine." Marcie reluctantly gave her the phone,fuming all the way upstairs to the rented house,about to steal her sister's birthday dress to help some stupid Mannequin lady.

What the heck happened to my life? She thought.

Marcie went into her new room and grabbed the fifty-puzzle piece set she had.It was old and dusty,but it would be perfect for the spell.

She sat in her bed,looking around.The room was old-fashioned and gothic.The bed had a black lace canopy.The sheets were dark red and the walls were oak with paintings of demons and vampires.The furniture was dark and gloomy.The fireplace was enormous,big enough to fit twenty people.The windows had black lace curtains that looked into a stormy sea.Yes,the room was depressing,yet oddly beautiful.

That was strange.Marcie never liked Gothic style,yet here she was,studying every detail of her room and admiring it.

No time to admire your room.You have to help the mannequin.She thought.

She walked to the wall.The wall had a secret door that led to her sister's room. She remembered from the renting homes website. She opened the brass handle and sunk in her sister's closet. Only her sister had one black dress,and that was for her graduation. All of her other clothes were black,but they weren't dresses.

She grabbed the black dress and right when she was about to go in her room,she spotted a cup of tea Katlin left.

She ran into her room and climbed down the steps into a long,dark hallway.

She ran as fast as she could to the boutique next door.

Marcie stopped in front of the boutique,still holding the items.

She reached her hand to open the door-

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" shouted a voice.It was Katlin.

Marcie dropped the items,causing the tea to break and spill on the dress.The puzzle pieces flew around her.

"What are you doing?" Katlin repeated.

Marcie knew Katlin probably wouldn't believe her,but she didn't know what else to do.At this point,she was trapped:mentally and physically.

So,she told her about the mannequin and her instructions. When she was done,Katlin's eyes went wide.

"Don't listen to Eloise." Katlin breathed.

"Wait,you believe me?" Marcie asked,followed by a:"Why shouldn't I listen to her?"

"Of course I believe you! Nightmare hill is bound to have strange things happen." She answered reassuringly.

"Also,I went on many outings here while you stayed home,at a sleepover with your friends.I had the same doll-lady give me the same instructions.She didn't become a Mannequin because she wanted to be thin.People just sugar coated it.She became a Mannequin because her workers were fed up with her and didn't want her to live anymore.They didn't want to deal with it. "

"Why?" Marcie asked,afraid of the answer.

"Because her clothes are made from children.Real children.They didn't want to do this anymore,so they killed her.She ended up possessing a mannequin.Also,the only reason I'm here now is because I figured everything out before it was too late."Katlin revealed.

"Why didn't you tell anybody when it happened?" Marcie asked.

"Because our parents didn't believe me,and you didn't take the time to listen to what I said." Katlin said.

The voice came from Eloise.She was angry and looked like she wanted to kill them.

"I NEVER LIKED CHILDREN!" she yelled.

"They always ruined my clothes! What,with their dirty hands and shrilling laughs! Ugh, EVERY TIME me and my workers worked hard on something,the children would get curious about the clothes and ruin them! They smelled frightful,they looked like ogres,and their laughs were so annoying. I did what I had to do. Turned them into clothes. Until my workers wanted to STOP doing this and requested that we make clothes out of materials! I didn't want to hear their whining! So I didn't listen! But then they killed me and I ended up possessing a Mannequin! I changed the story around so people could think I was the "good guy." Now,give me the ingredients!" Eloise yelled.

"The ingredients are ruined." Marcie answered.

"What?"

"They're ruined."

For the first time,Eloise looked down and saw the ruined ingredients.

That's when Katlin and Marcie tackled the Mannequin and punched and kicked her face.Causing cracks to appear on her.

Eloise grabbed the girls and whispered:" You can't kill me.You don't have the spell,and never will." Then she cackled evilly.

"However,I can kill you." Eloise whispered.

The girls writhed and screamed under Eloise's grasp.She had them now,and there was no escape.

"Katlin-I-I-I'm..Sorry.I'm sorry I didn't try to understand you.I'm sorry I called you weird in my videos. I'm sorry for not being a good little sister. I realize that now that I'm dying."Marcie laughed bitterly.

"It's okay.I'll always love you,even when you can get annoying. You're my little sister." Katlin answered.

Suddenly,the ground shook and writhed. They heard voices.Children voices,to be exact. There were babies,toddlers,little kids,adolescents,and teenagers. They came out of the earth, because they didn't have a proper place to rest and never found peace.They came running and screaming towards Eloise.

"The...the kids. It's the kids I've killed.The dead kids are trying to kill me. They have the spell." Eloise dropped the girls and tried to run. But she fell on the skirts of her dress and landed face first on the ground.

The kids grabbed her and uttered an ancient spell. She screamed under the pressure,and her doll body broke into a million pieces and flew in the wind until nothing was left but a rotting pile of clothes.The children flew into the sky,towards heaven,now that Eloise was dead.

Marcie and Katlin breathed hard,not believing what happened today.

The girls stared at each other,each wondering what to do next.

"Should we tell Mom and Dad?" Marcie asked Katlin.

"They won't believe us."

"But if we keep this as our little secret,it might upset us and our parents won't know why. They'll assume it's something else,and we'll be in trouble."

"We could write it in our diaries. That way,we won't have to tell Mom and Dad,and still be okay." Katlin suggested.

"Okay.Thanks." The weight was lifted off of the girl's shoulders.

"Now,let's go change so we can celebrate my graduation in style. Remember:it's going to be held in the cemetery!" Katlin said.

"Okay!" Marcie and Katlin ran to the mansion to get ready.

And for the first time in a long time,Marcie felt amazing.

PART TWO

Those little things.

They thought they won.

But I always win.

ALWAYS.

A blond,cracked mannequin was lying on the ground,she looked dirty and old,if one were to see her,they would think she was just a regular mannequin lying on the ground.

But then,she moved.

"I'm coming for you,Marcie." Eloise seethed.

…………………...

Today was the day.

Marcie's thirteenth birthday.

YESSSSSSSSS! I'm FINALLY old enough to go on THE COOL KID app!

“THE COOL KID” was an app where you could post pictures of your life,post dance moves,and even chat with random people! You had to be thirteen in order to download it.

In short,it was a social media platform.

She walked downstairs in her white,lacy pajamas and grabbed a bagel from the refrigerator.

Her Mom was downstairs,making breakfast.

"Marcie! You want to eat a bagel for breakfast? I'm making eggs and bacon! Your favorite! You don't want that?" She asked in disbelief.

"Mom! I'm eating a bagel for breakfast because I watched a video on my phone that said that eating bacon and eggs can cause you to grow purple spots and blue fur! The person even had photos! I don't want to look like a monster on my birthday!" Marcie shuddered at the thought.That video scared her.

"Honey,you can't believe everything you see and hear online.Now,eat your bacon and eggs." She plopped the bacon and eggs on her plate.It looked and smelled so much better than the bagel she was holding,but then she remembered the video...

"But-"

"Now."

"Fine." In truth,Marcie was grateful for the bacon and eggs.She snarfed it down.

"Mom,where's Dad and Katlin?" She asked.

"Your father and Katlin are standing in line at the store,buying you a little something..." She smiled.

"WHAT?! I don't want anything from THE STORE! I want THE COOL KID!" Marcie wailed childishly.

"Now,what's a cool kid?'" Her Mom asked.

"Ughhhh,let me show you." She got on the app store and pointed at the cool kid.

"Isn't that app just like all the others you already have?” Mom asked.

"No,it isn't! Unlike all of the other apps,you can get eight million dollars if you post stuff on it constantly! That's why I want it! So I can get money!" She screamed.Marcie could be a real brat sometimes.

"We don't have to get you anything.In fact,we don't have to celebrate your birthday at all.Now,stop whining like a baby and start acting thirteen! Or I will have you delete all those apps you love so much." Mom said.

"What? You wouldn’t.Nooooooooo..." Marcie cried silently.

"Yes." said Mom.

"Okay.I won't whine." She said.

Just then,Dad and Katlin came bustling inside,carrying a small bag.Marcie wondered what was inside it.

She opened the bag greedily and found a small,gold locket in the shape of a heart.She opened it and found words etched inside:

“Happy thirteenth birthday,Marcie Ann Cadence.”

"We had it personalized for you.It cost extra to do that,though,but we all wanted to give you something personal." Dad said.He beamed proudly.

"Gee,thanks." Marcie put the necklace around her neck.It was beautiful,and She loved it,but she wanted “THE COOL KID.”

I guess I can kiss that goodbye.She thought mournfully.

"Guess what,we have another surprise for you!" Her sister yelled.

"What is it?" Marcie asked.

"A VACATION ON NIGHTMARE HILL!" Katlin yelled happily.

"YAY! NIGHTMARE HILL!" Marcie screamed in delight.Now that Elosie was dead,Nightmare hill was an interesting and beautiful town.Nothing could go wrong.

Right?

When they arrived..

They arrived at the grand,old,gothic manor of Nightmare hill.Marcie came bounding inside.

When she was done looking at the inside of the house,she decided to go outside.

She ran around in the rose garden,admiring everything she saw,when,all of a sudden,a hand touched her shoulder.

She turned around.

The woman behind her may have had flesh covering her body instead of porcelain,but she was still VERY recognizable.

She was Elosie.

"Well,well.Isn't this a nice reunion?" She cackled evilly,showing a row of sharp,white teeth.

Marcie screamed a high,bone chilling scream that scratched her throat and almost made it bleed.

She was scared beyond her imagination.

I thought she died.Why is she human?

"SOMEBODY HELP ME!" Marcie screamed.

But for some reason,no one heard her scream.It was as if no one cared anymore,or dismissed it as something else.

Marcie struggled under Elosie's grasp,but it was no use.She had a firm grip.

The human turned into doll turned back human dragged her into a dark clearing in the woods,where she plopped her in a dirt hole and started to dig her up.

What's happening? Am I being buried alive? Marcie thought worriedly.

OH MY GOSH! I AM BEING BURIED ALIVE! She thought.

"HELP!" She screamed,but the worms had already started crawling in her mouth.

Marcie tried clawing her way out of the hole,screaming and clawing and gripping,but nothing happened.

The dirt was already filling her lungs,and the spiders were crawling on her.She felt like screaming and crying at the same time.

Marcie had lost hope.

She slunk into the hole,tears streaming in her eyes,when,all of a sudden,she saw daylight.

A hand extended towards her.

"Take my hand,Marcie." The voice said.

"OH NO,AM I DEAD?! ARE YOU AN ANGEL?!" She yelled while choking dirt.

The hand grabbed her and Marice thought:

OH NO! I DIED!

"NO,YOU IDIOT! I'M YOUR SISTER,KATLIN! WHY IN HECK WERE YOU IN A HOLE,ANYWAY?!" The voice shrieked.

When the bugs,dirt,and worms finally left Marcie's guts and her eyes,she looked at her sister.

It wasn't an angel.

It was Katlin.

"I'M NOT DEAD! WOOHOO!" She yelled.

"Why were you here in the first place?" Katlin asked.

"Okay,I know this sounds crazy,but..."

"But what?"

"Eloise is alive and she tried to bury me alive."

"Impossible!"

Just then,they heard high,screechy laughter,followed by a:

"I'LL GET YOU,DISGUSTING ANIMALS!"

Marcie and Katlin ran like they never ran before.

"I have to ask:What were you doing in the woods?" Marcie asked.

"Well......I...was looking...for you....you just......disappeared.....and When I didn't find you in the rose garden......I......started to look...for you...I heard...an...annoying scream...in..the dirt...and...I found you." Katlin answered between breaths of air.

"LOOK,OUR MANSION!" Marcie yelled.

Finally,a familiar landmark! The girls ran towards the mansion hopping to escape Eloise.They opened the doors-

-and the ground started sinking.It felt like squishy jelly,and it seemed to go down...down...all the way down..

They screamed.The blond haired maniac stood over them,cackling all the while.

"You...

...are...

....DEAD!"

And then they fell into a deep,dark pit.

Well,it wasn't quite dark.It had some light shining in it and filled with peculiar,interesting things.

Seeing things inside the hole was worse than being in a dark pit,because it wasn't natural or possible.But there was not much they could do now.

All they could do...

....was fall...

And that's what every person is afraid of,or should be afraid of.Not being able to do anything but fall.

They finally landed on the ground.Although it was more like a bouncy castle,and less like a ground.

The girls turned around and viewed their surroundings.

This room they were in was filled with dolls.Not the kind,gentle ones you might give to a kid.The creepy,ugly ones that starred in horror movies and tried to kill you.

Much like what Eloise once was.A sadistic doll.Now she was a sadistic human.

The pink shaded lamp was dim.But that was okay,because the bright pink paint shone in the room.

"Girls." said voices.

They turned to see where it came from.

It was their parents.

They were locked in a cage,covered with dusty spider webs.It was a horrible thing to see.

They ran up to them.

"Mom! Dad!" They screamed.

They all huddled together,but that's when Eloise came.

She clapped her hands...

...and the dolls came to life! They ran towards them,ready to kill them.

We are so going to die.Marcie thought bitterly.

But surprisingly,the dolls hovered midair.

Then they dropped to the ground like flies.

"WHAT NOW?!?!" Eloise screamed.

Then a figure in a dark hood came and covered her mouth.The person dragged her into who knows where.

Finally,their savior safely got all four of them out of the hole.

"Who are you?" Marcie asked.

The person took off their hood...

PART THREE

Their savior lifted the cloak from their face..

..and revealed a young woman with long,dark brown hair,green eyes,and perfect,heart shaped lips.She had a serious look on her face.

"Crystal..." Mom trailed off.

"Crystal? Who are y-" But Crystal held up a hand to silence Marcie.

"I'll tell you.Just don't interrupt." She said.

Then she told them everything.

"So let me get this straight.You are our long lost sister,Crystal.You were cursed by Elosie because you discovered her.This resulted in faking your own death.You have been living under our noses and have finally revealed yourself to us so you could save us from Eloise.However,Now that Me and Katlin know about your existence,Eloise knows too.Is that right?" Marcie asked.She was only beginning to understand.

"Yes,well.." Crystal trailed off.

"What more is there to know?" Marcie asked.

"My curse was that if I was less than six feet from you,then you would turn into dolls." At this Crystal backed away.

Great.We find our long lost sister who can't even go beyond six feet.I despise Eloise even more.Marcie thought while gritting her teeth.

"Well,thank you for saving us.But how do we stop Eloise?" Marcie asked.

"That's the thing.We can't stop her." Crystal said bitterly.

"What do you mean we can't stop her? We've been pursued by this satanic mannequin our whole lives! There's got to be a way to end this madness!" Marcie screamed.She had enough of this.

Crystal pursed her lips.

"Well?" Everyone asked.They all wanted this to be over.

"There is a way,but I would never allow that to happen." She said.

"Please.By now anything is better than having to deal with her." Katlin and Marcie pleaded.

"Okay,fine.But you must do exactly as I say,or it won't work." Crystal said.

"Okay.What do we need to do?" They asked.

"You have to eat a cat.Alive.Not just any cat,Elosie's cat.The cat can be seen walking around the boutique.It helped her turn kids into clothes,before she was stopped.It still guards her spells.It is the only thing she loved.Eat it and you will have enough power to defeat her." Crystal said.

"We're not having any of our kids eat a cat!" Mom and Dad screamed.Even though Crystal was one of their daughters,they still didn't want to listen to her.

"You have to.I would do it,but I was cursed by her,so it wouldn't work." Crystal said.

"Come on,there has to be a better way!" Marice wailed.

"A better way? This is the only way.Take it or leave it." Crystal said.

Marcie looked to Katlin,hoping her older sister would give it a try.

Katlin shook her head.

She looked to her parents.

They gazed sadly back.

"Great.I have to eat a cat.Alive.Could this get any weirder?" But,Marcie trudged to the boutique.

When she got there,she listened for purring,scratching,anything that might indicate a cat.

Nothing.Not a peep.

Marcie heaved a sigh of relief.

"Well,at least I don't have to eat a cat." She said.

But just then,she heard:

Meoowwww

A black cat waltzed into the room.

She reluctantly picked it up and raised it to her mouth..

Marcie didn't know what came over her.Sharp,fanged teeth sprouted from her mouth,like some sort of monster's.She squished the squirming cat into her mouth and bit down really,really hard.

It made a sickening crunching noise in her mouth.Bones cracked into itty,bitty pieces,the organs mushy and slimy.The cat screamed but was immediately silenced because its head was being crushed.Marcie's weird teeth were bloody and disgusting.

The worst thing was that the cat tasted better than a burger and the adolescent loved those.

Without another beat,she swallowed the cat and spat out the bones.

A boy about her age accidentally found her eating the cat.

"What? Am I not cute?" She asked sarcastically.For once,she didn't care a damn about what anyone else thought,she only did it to stop a villain.Although,she might do it again...

The boy just stood there.

She bared her sharp teeth at him and he immediately ran away.Marcie thought he peed his pants.

With a questionable grin on her face,she returned to her family.

"So,any luck?" Crystal asked.

"Nope.But I did scare a boy while eating the cat.HA! You should have seen the look on his face.It was priceless!" She laughed.Her laughter was not a pleasant sound.

Her family looked at her with new eyes.

They didn't see a thirteen year old girl who wanted to be cool and impress everyone.Now,they saw a monstrosity.

As if on cue,the real monster appeared.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Eloise laughed.

The woman who got turned into a mannequin because of her desire to turn kids into clothes.

The woman who pursued Marcie and her older sister,Katlin and attempted to kill them.

The woman who cursed their newfound sister,Crystal.

Even though she was no longer a mannequin,she still had the same desire to kill,kill,and kill.

"I think I'll start with you." She looked straight at Marcie.

Tree branches sprouted out of nowhere and covered the thirteen year old.She was covered by an infinite amount of trees.

I'm not going to die like this.Marcie thought,a look of determination on her face.

"EAT THIS,MANNEQUIN!" She screamed.

With a force unlike any other,she blasted the trees to pieces.They burned into mere pieces of Wood.

Eloise turned white.

"She has it." Eloise whispered.

Marcie didn't have the foggiest idea of what she was talking about,but she didn't focus on that.She just looked at her.

The mannequin crumpled to the floor under her stare.She was consumed by the Earth.

"Is she gone?" Marcie asked shakily.

"Yes." said Mom and Dad.

"What was that...what did I just do?" Marcie was shocked by the amount of power she had.

Mom and Dad exchanged looks.

"SOMEBODY ANSWER ME!" She screamed.

"You're adopted,sweetie." They said.

"What? So my last name isn't Cadence?" She asked fearfully.

"Actually,your last name is Cadence.We changed our last names for you.Our real last names are Everlane." Mom answered calmly.

"Did you know about this?" Marcie asked Katlin and Crystal.

Katlin shook her head.

Crystal was the first to speak:

"Your Mom and Dad had me.Soon after,Katlin came.But then we rented a house on Nightmare hill and it was right next to Eloise's boutique.I wanted to explore the boutique.I was seven at the time.Unfortunately,Eloise herself found me.She cursed me because I wouldn’t help her become human.Naturally,I did promise and that's where my doll curse came from.My parents thought I was dead,but I was actually living with Eloise.”

"This is an important story,but it doesn't have anything to do with me." Marcie commented.

Mom spoke:

"This is where you come in.It wasn't easy for us to give up Crystal and I was taking it the hardest.I thought one of my daughters was dead! Katlin had no one to be around.I was deeply upset.But then,someone knocked on our door.It was Carmine Cadence.She was the only kind person who lived in Nightmare Hill.She told us that she would give us her child."

"Why did she give me up?" Marcie asked.Mom didn't answer.

"We'll get to that later.See,your father is a.."Mom trailed off.

"What?" Marcie asked fearfully.Once you knew who your biological mother was,the father would be ten times worse.

"You're not going to like this."Mom warned.

"TELL ME!" Marcie screamed.

"Your mother is Carmine Cadence,a normal human.Your father.." Mom was too nervous to say anything.

"WHO IS MY FATHER?!" She panicked.

"Your father is Wolfe Cadence,a.... " Mom wouldn't finish.Dad didn't look at her.

"A what?" Marcie asked.

"A..ummm..how do I say this?" Mom bit her lip.

"What is he?" She asked.

"Your real father is a vampire." Mom finally said.

"WHAT?!" Marcie screamed.

"Your father is a vampire,but no ordinary vampire.When he was human,he was born with the fragmented touch.The power to break anything.Physically and Mentally.It's very rare.See,that's why you were able to break the trees.Wolfe was dating a woman named Carmine and Carmine was exhausted after your birth.So exhausted,she was willing to give you to us and she did.Eloise thought it would be fun to turn him into a vampire and she did.She killed him and turned him into a vampire.Then,she cursed you to be a vampire for fun.” Her Mom said.

This was all new to Marcie.

Suddenly,there was darkness...

Marcie fell into a deep abyss.

Finally,she opened her eyes.

It appeared she was in a dark cave,littered with the carcasses of people and animals,all drained of their blood.

Marcie held her nose.

Suddenly,a young man with gorgeous brown hair and grayish eyes approached her.

"Who are you?" Marcie asked.

"I'm your father,Wolfe Cadence.We share the fragmented touch." He said calmly.

"But my parents-err,ADOPTIVE parents said you were dead! Eloise killed you! SOMEBODY PLEASE EXPLAIN EVERYTHING!" Marcie screamed.Why were there always twists,turns,and lies?

"Your parents thought Eloise thought killed me,but she didn't.She trapped me in the cave.I couldn’t escape until someone saved me.I brought you here to give you a mission.A very important one." Wolfe said.

What? I'm only thirteen! She thought.

How could she be expected to go on a mission?

Then again,she did eat a cat and defeat an evil woman,So maybe she could go on a mission.

"You know Crystal?" He asked.

"Yes,but I'm not her biological sister,remember? I'm from the Cadence Cadence family.She's from the Everlanes.How am I supposed to help her?" Marcie asked.

"You can lift her curse now that Eloise is Dead.She won't have to stay less than six feet from her family anymore." Wolfe said.

"Here are the ingredients to the potion:cat meat,raven feathers,cursed water,and crushed dolls." said Wolfe.

Marcie bit her lip.She remembered the last time she had to get ingredients for a potion and look where that turned out.It brought Eloise! She wasn't sure if she should trust him.

But when a child meets their long lost father,they will do anything for him.

"I think I have the first ingredient,just wait a sec." Marcie held a finger to indicate one moment please.

Marcie barfed up the cat she ate.The meat was slimy and disgusting.The worst thing about it was that she liked it.



"Very good." Wolfe said.

Marcie was a little upset that she had to barf the cat because it tasted so good.

"Don't worry,my child.I'll find you a cat.Now,on with the mission!" He yelled.

"Wait,you're coming with me?" Marcie asked.

"Of course I am! Don't expect to go alone!"

The two vampires made their way to the forest of Nightmare Hill and hoped for the best.

They were in a clearing.There were strange trees surrounding them,they seemed as if to grab them.

They ignored the trees.They had a mission to focus on.

A light shone down the path.It was coming towards them.

"Huh.That's strange." said Wolfe.

A note floated to them.

It said:

You killed my Mom.You will pay.

Before Marcie and Wolfe had time to think,a blond haired woman in a black cloak carrying a lantern snatched them.

Her hands were misty and white,like a ghost’s...

PART FOUR

Marcie woke up in a dark,cold cave.Wolfe was lying on the other side of it.

"Uhh..Dad,where are we?" She asked.

"Ugh,somewhere where we shouldn't be." He answered.

They heard footsteps coming towards them.Suddenly,a misty blond haired woman in a black cloak appeared.

The same one who dragged them here in the first place.

"You saw my letter,didn't you? I was going to make you pay for killing my mother." She said.

"YOUR MOM TURNED CHILDREN INTO CLOTHES FOR A LIVING! She wasn't the good guy,she never was." Marcie said.She knew all too well her experience in Nightmare hill.

The woman smiled in a terrible way.

"My name is Leona.Leona Fitzgerald.Remember that.It's going to be the last name you ever hear." She giggled.

"Why?" Marcie asked.

"You guys are freaks.Vampire freaks.You're vampires,but you can eat cats whole.You are a crime against nature.That's why I'm going to make the main attraction in the carnival of Nightmare hill!" Leona laughed.

Before they could run,the cave dissolved and in its place,a circus appeared.

Leona Fiztgerald was nowhere to be seen.

Marcie and Wolfe ran for it.

"I'm sorry your first experience with me had to be a bad one." He said.

"It's fine." She said.

Leona magically appeared,blocking their exit.She dragged them back to the circus and locked them in cages.

"NOW,YOU'LL NEVER ESCAPE!" She cackled.

She disappeared.

"Great.We're trapped in a circus.How are we ever going to escape?" Marcie asked bitterly.

"We'll find a way.I'm positive." He said,but he didn't sound so sure of himself.

People scattered to the circus.It was without a doubt that they wanted to see Marcie and Wolfe,the circus freaks.The main attraction.

That terrible woman appeared again.This time,Leona was wearing a ringmaster costume.

"Come one,come all! Enter if you dare! I captured these unique and horrible vampires from far away! Witness their ghastly performances and keep your children far,far away!" Leona laughed.

People blinked at them.They got out their phones and snapped pictures at them,like they were zoo animals.

Marcie sighed.She used to like the circus.Before she found out about Wolfe,her adoptive parents took her to the circus.It always cheered her up.

Now,she hated the circus.

Leona stared at them greedily with her beady eyes.She threw a living cat at them.

"Now,eat it!" She squealed delightedly.

Marcie and Wolfe crossed their arms.

"Now." Leona commanded.They still didn't do anything.

Instead,Wolfe tried to grab Leona,but his hands went right through her.

"You can't kill me.I'm a ghost." She whispered.

So,Marcie reluctantly swallowed down the living cat in one gulp.

"See,look at them.They are monsters! Abominations! Freaks of nature! Nature's greatest mistake! They are here,imprisoned.Take all of the pictures you want." Leona said.

They snapped them.

"We are going to get out of here,Dad.Mark my words." Marcie said.

When night fell in the circus,Marcie nudged Wolfe.He had awakened instantly.

"Come on,Dad.We're going to get out of here." She whispered.

He got up.They tried jumping out of the suspended cages,clawing at the walls,literally anything.Still,nothing worked.

"It's hopeless.We're doomed to stay here forever." Marcie complained.This was so much for the adolescent.

"Don't worry,we'll find a way out." He said reassuringly,but she was far from reassured.

"Marcie,Leona keeps mentioning that she is a ghost,which means she is dead.If she's dead,we can find out how she died and bring her death back to haunt her.It will drive her away,to the spirit world and we will be free." Wolfe said.

"Are you sure it will work?" Marcie asked.

"Oh,I know it will work." Wolfe smiled wickedly.

"How are we going to find out how she died?" Marcie asked.

"She seems like the kind of person who likes to talk about herself and we could get her to tell us.But that plan could backfire in so many ways.Now,we could also look in history books,but we are locked in these cages.The only other option is to befriend a cat." Wolfe suggested.

"What?! Befriend a cat?! How is befriending a cat going to help us?!" Marcie squealed.

"Watch." He said.

A black cat waltzed into the circus,licking its paw.

Wolfe gestured for the cat to come here.It came.

He treated the cat like it was his own pet.Marcie just shook her head,thinking he had gone mad.

Then,he told the kitty to get him something important.

The cat gave him history books on Leona's death.

"See,it worked." Wolfe said smugly.

They read the books.Leona died in a fire.If they wanted to make her go away forever,all they had to do was show her fire and she would be running.It would remind her of her painful death.There was just one problem.

"How are we going to obtain fire?" Marcie asked Wolfe.

Wolfe smiled.He grabbed the torch near their prison.

"Now we just have to lure Leona." He said.

But Leona was already advancing towards them.

"WHAT IS ALL OF THIS RACKET?!"

She saw the fire and her eyes bulged.

"No..no...not again!" She screamed.

Wolfe waved the fire in front of her and she disappeared to who knew where.In her haste,she dropped the keys to their cage.

Wolfe opened the cage.

"Now we can focus on the real mission.Saving my sister." Marcie said.

To their luck,raven feathers rained down on them.Raven feathers were one of the ingredients to saving her sister.

They grabbed the feathers and were getting ready to flee,but then behind them they heard:

"Please..don't leave me here."

The plea sounded like it came from a little girl,no more than four.

They turned to look at her.

The little girl was locked in a cage.She had green scales on her body and her eyes were yellow snake eyes.Her nails were long and her hair was as black and velvety as the night.Her clothes were tattered and a sign above her cage read:

Freaky Snake Princess.Nature's greatest mistake.

"That ghost lady..she locked me in here! Said I owed her something because I was " luckier than her" I was the only person locked up here..until you guys came.Please,DON'T LEAVE ME!" The little girl covered her face in her scaly hands and cried.

Marcie walked up to her and opened her cage.The little one gladly crawled out.

"Oh,thank you for saving me! I shall reward you for your virtuous actions!" The little girl exclaimed.

Marcie shook her head.

"No need.You don't need to reward me.I'm Marcie and this is my Dad." She pointed to him.

"I'm Wolfe." He said.

"I'm Esmerée,but you can call me Esmè.I'm going to reward you anyway.Would you like cursed water? I'm sure since you're not human it won't curse you,but it might help you.." Esmè trailed off.

Marcie and Wolfe couldn't believe it.Cursed water! That was one of the ingredients to save her sister!

"Sure,we'll take it." Marcie said.

Esmè gave them the water.

"Thank you,Esmè." They said.

"Well,I guess I should be going.." She said.

"Wait! You're not going anywhere.You're with us now." They said.

"Really? You'll let me come with you?" She asked.

"Of course." They said.

Esmè,Marcie and Wolfe walked on their journey and then they heard:

Meowww

Marcie raised her eyebrow at Wolfe.

"Dad,cat meat is one of the ingredients to save my sister.You befriended that cat.How are we going to kill it now?" She asked.

"Wait." Esmè said.She grabbed the black cat and dug her claws into its fur.It slowly died.

"It's painless and fast." She handed the cat corpse to them.

"Thank you." They said.

So,the three of them walked on.

PART FIVE

Marcie,Wolfe and Esmè were searching endlessly in the forest for crushed doll parts.It was part of the potion to save Crystal.

"See anything?" Esmè asked.

"Nothing." They said.

They were all about to give up,when all of a sudden,Marcie stepped on something hard.

She stepped on crushed dolls.

"Look,crushed dolls! Let's take them!" Marcie squealed.

"Are you sure? We don't even know how it got there." Wolfe asked.

"Yes,I'm sure." They grabbed the dolls and left.

They found Crystal and Marcie's adopted family waiting for them in the forest.

"Do you have the ingredients?" Crystal asked.

Marcie nodded.Crystal wouldn't have to stay six feet away from them anymore.

They combined the ingredients and gave it to her.

She drank the potion.

"Feel any different?" Marcie asked.

"Let me see." She stood next to their family.Nothing bad happened.

"It worked! The curse has been lifted!" Crystal screamed.

Everyone laughed and sang and danced.Marcie jumped up and down with glee.

Suddenly,the ground produced a giant crack.

"What happened?" Marcie asked.

"It appears your fragmented touch got stronger and impossible to control." Wolfe said.

"But..how?" She asked.

"Marcie,sweetie,I think she knows the answer." Mom said.She pointed to Eloise's grave.

Oh no.Not her.She tried to kill them all.

But what choice did she have?

Marice placed her hand on the grave.

Images flashed on her mind,images of Eloise's past.

"Show me the forest with the crushed dolls." She said.

In the image,there was a tall blond woman walking in the forest.Eloise.

Eloise carried a basketful of dolls.She crushed them with her hands.

"These dolls will give those pesky children the fragmented touch." She sneered as she sprinkled them on the floor like seeds.

"But I was born with the fragmented touch,so they couldn't have given me the curse..." Marcie trailed off.Then she understood.

"IT MADE IT STRONGER!" She screamed.

Marcie quickly ran over to her family.

"What's wrong?" Everyone asked.

"THE FRAGMENTED TOUCH GREW STRONGER!" She screamed.As if to prove its point,another big crack appeared on the ground.

"I'll teach you how to control it." Wolfe said.

"But let's go home first." Mom added.

When they all got home,Wolfe took Marcie outside.

"So think about anything calming when you want to use your powers." He said.

Marcie thought about her phone,but that made the sky rain rainbows.

She thought about buying a new dress,but that made the bugs big.

She even thought about eating another cat,but that almost made her faint.

"Are you thinking about anything calming?" Wolfe asked.

She thought and then she said sheepishly:

"No,none of my thoughts were calming."

"We'll work on it later." He said.

But they didn't have time to work on it later because something terrible was happening.

Esmè screamed.Everyone ran over to her.

Standing above Esmè was an imp with a thousand boils.

"That child is mine." It seethed.

It quickly took the screaming child away.

They followed the crazy imp into a dark,disgusting lair with a thousand other imps.

"I have the child." It said to the others.

"Excellent." The others said.

"When I heard about the child's powers,I just had to have her.When we crush her to bits and put her in our potion,We'll be able to take over the world.After all,we were here before these vile humans." The imp said,pulling on Esmè's ear.She hissed in despair.

So they were going to crush Esmè and put her in a potion to take over the world!

"Stop bragging and let's get to work." The others said.They brought a giant mallet and were about to crush Esmè,When all of a sudden,Marcie and the others came out screaming:

"NO!"

"So someone wants to challenge us." They said.

They grouped together and got ready to destroy them.Mom and Dad did the best they could,Katlin and Crystal tried,and Wolfe tried as well.

But Marcie was the most powerful.She used her fragmented touch to fight them.

Surprisingly,it didn't work.

Esmè breathed hard.

"Time to use my powers to save everyone." Esmè said.

She climbed on a wall faster than lighting and lashed her tongue out at them.

Then,she jumped out and like a snake,she swallowed them.She didn't look any different,either.Some say it could have been her good metabolism or that she was a freak.

But Marcie and the others knew that it was her snake powers.

"Can we go home now? Those imps did not taste nearly as good as lollipops and I want to get rid of the taste of imp." Esmè complained.

They laughed and took her home.

"I have come to realize we are not normal.Me,you and that Esme girl." Marcie said to Wolfe.She was going to live with him and Esmè.Katlin and Crystal would live with Mom and Dad.

Oh right,my REAL Mom died and Wolfe is my real father,whom I haven't met until last year.The two adults I have been living with who adopted me.Why do I keep calling them Mom and Dad? They are Mr. and Mrs.Everlane.Marcie thought.

But Marcie would be fine.She knew she would.

"Yeah,we both share the fragmented touch and Esmè..is a snake girl.But we will always be there for each other." Wolfe/Dad said.

Marcie nodded.She kind of liked being different.

PART SIX

BANG! CLATTER! SMASH!

"Ugghhh....what is that noise?" Marcie asked groggily.She was just trying to rest!

BOOM!

"Can't a girl sleep?" She asked tiredly.She opened her eyes slowly...

And found a green skinned,scaled little girl with black hair holding a pan in her hands.She was continually smacking the pan.

It was Esmè.

"Go back to sleep." Marcie said.

"Noooo! It's morning! We have to be upppppp!” She whined.

"But it's 1:00 A.M.! Let me sleep!" Marcie yelled.

"NOOOOOO! If it's morning,then it's morning! We have to be awake!" Esmè yelled.

Marcie sighed.How was she going to get rid of her?

"Here is the deal.If you go back to sleep,then when we get up,we will play a game.Deal?" She asked.

"It's a deal!" Esmè yelled.She took out her hand.Marcie shook it.

……………………………………………………………………….

It was Morning.The three of them finally woke up.Wolfe had already made the girls breakfast.

They had gobbled it up faster than a lawn mower and realized that they wanted to watch TV.

So Marcie turned the TV on.

"Huh.Why is it so fuzzy?" Marcie asked.

"I don't know." Esmè said.The TV was acting up.

Suddenly,a booming voice that came from the TV yelled:

"YOU WILL NOW LISTEN TO WHATEVER I SAY!"

Marcie and Wolfe were immediately hypnotized by the strange voice in the TV.

But not Esmè.The little girl was puzzled.Why wasn't she hypnotized?

Suddenly,the weird voice yelled:

"YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME YOUR SOULS!"

"Why should they do that?" Esmè asked the thing.

She had no idea what a soul was,but she thought it must have been important.

"BECAUSE I SAID SO!" It screamed.

"Well,here's what I think of you!" Esmè raised her foot to the T.V...

And kicked it! She did not feel any pain,but the voice went away and they weren't hypnotized anymore.

"Huh? What happened? Did the voice hypnotize us?" They asked.

She nodded vigorously.

"But who or what was that in the T.V?" Esmè asked them.

They shrugged.They didn't know.

But Esmè would find out.She had been told that if a TV has a problem, then one should fix it.

But whoever told her that didn't know that the problem would be a strange voice that mind controls people.

Esmè looked behind the TV. Nothing.

Finally,a dark shadow began to look over them.Then,the shadow transformed into a person.A very tall man with black hair,yellow eyes and...

Green scaly skin! Like Esmè!

She opened her mouth in surprise.She recognized him immediately.

"D-Dad?" She asked fearfully.

"Esmè?" The man asked.

"How-How long has it been?" He asked her.

"I'm still four,calm down." She said.

"But I thought you died.I thought that when Leona came to kidnap me,she killed you and took me to the circus.Why are you here?" She asked.

"Uhhhh....it's a long story.You see,I lived.But I couldn't save you,because Leona locked me up.I escaped her and hid in this house and waited for you to come here,because my intuition told me you would be here.I was right.But I thought that those people kidnapped you." He pointed a scaly finger to Marcie and Wolfe.

"So you mind-controlled them with the TV? Really? That's low." Esmè said.

"Ugh...sorry." He said.He looked at them sheepishly.

"It's fine.The important thing is that we're all here right now:" she said.Esmè went to hug her father.

"So uh,what was your journey? Why didn't Leona kidnap both of you for the circus?" Marcie asked.

"Well...Esmè probably won't remember this,but I wasn't born as a snake man.It goes back to my past." said the man.

"Really? You weren't born like this? You were human?" Esmè asked.

"Why,yes.It all started when I fell in love with this woman,your mother.She was very kind and beautiful.I knew she loved me.Or at least I thought she did." The man paused.

"Go on." Wolfe said.

"Anyway,I loved her.But this woman I loved,Leona,told me that she'd only love me,really love me,if I gave her a child.A perfect child,with no flaws.Ever.I wasn't going to listen to her, but soon She ended up asking for a child. I gave her one,alright.It was you.You,Esmè,had black hair and brown eyes,like I used to have." He finished.

"But what happened? Obviously something happened to make both of us this way." Esmè asked.

"That's what I'll get to now." He sighed grimly.

"Okay,we were normal humans,until Leona came along again.She needed "freaks" for this circus she was opening and she had none.So naturally,she cursed me and you to be snakelike and have us for her circus.She didn't curse your Mom,because she wanted to see if she still loved us even after the transformation." He didn't want to finish his sentence.

"Daddy,what happened to Mom? Did she die? Did Leona kill her?" Esmè asked fearfully.

"No,she took one look at us,called us ugly and left us.Leona tried to kidnap both of us for the circus,but then she decided to lock me up and have you perform because she knew that would be the biggest punishment for me.So that is the end of this grim tale." Esmè's father finished.

Marcie and Wolfe's eyes went wide.Esmè looked like she was about to cry.

"Mom...left us! She left us! Mom left me alone with that circus lady Leona and she kidnapped you! She's a mean mommy!" Esmè cried.

He hugged her closely.

"It's alright,Esmè.I'm here." He said soothingly.

Nobody knew that Esmè had a family before she was found in the circus,so to see her have a father was nice,but they were still nervous about giving her away to a strange man they never met.

"Are you sure that this man is your father?" Wolfe asked.

Esmè nodded.

"Positive?" Wolfe asked.

"Yes." She said.

"Okay,but if anything happens,just take this phone and call me.We'll get help immediately." Wolfe said.

"Okay." Esmè said.

So Esmè and her father left.

So now it was just Marcie and her father,Wolfe.Marcie couldn't believe she was thirteen and all this crazy stuff happened in her life.

Marcie went upstairs to her room and sat on the bed.She missed the annoying snake girl already.She was like a little sister to her...

Green flakes were on the ceiling...they were covering up something...

Marcie looked up.The green flakes fell off the ceiling...

She touched the flakes.They were snake flakes.

The snake flakes were being destroyed...destroyed by...

"A DOLL!" She yelled.The flakes were covering up a blond haired doll.It appeared the flakes couldn't contain the doll.It looked like Eloise...

Right next to the doll was a note.

Marcie unfolded the letter:

Dear Marcie,

I am coming for Esmè.You and your silly father as well.Good luck being dead.

-Eloise.

"ELOISE IS COMING FOR US!" Marcie screamed.

PART SEVEN

Marcie ran downstairs,frightened to her core.

"DAD!! ELOISE IS COMING!" Marcie screamed.She showed him the note she found.

"What do you mean? She's dead." Wolfe said.

"NO SHE'S NOT! LOOK!" Marcie screamed.

Standing behind him was a familiar blond mannequin woman in a long,black dress.

"I'm backkkk!" Eloise yelled.

Eloise,the evil doll,was back and she was ready to kidnap them.

She grabbed the screaming thirteen year old and her father (Wolfe) and took them to her run-down boutique shop..

Marcie woke up in a very familiar boutique shop...

"Oh no.Not Eloise's boutique shop! Not this place!" Marcie screamed.

She didn't want to be back here again,because once she stepped foot in this place,her whole life changed.

"Hello.." a voice said behind her.

She turned around.

The voice belonged to a young boy with red eyes,swirling black pupils,long black claws,sharp teeth,curly black hair and pale skin.He was gaunt and tall.He looked like he was her age.

"I was taken here a week ago.My name is Lycidas.What's yours?" He asked kindly.

It was weird of her to think of,but she thought that he was hot.

It was hard for boys to like her since she spent most of her time saving the world and eating cats.(ALIVE! She had teeth that were sharp enough to eat a living cat) One time,a boy caught her eating a cat.

But now was not the time to day dream.

"I'm Marcie." She said.

They shook hands.She thought she saw him blush.

But the moment was short lived.

"Helloo..." Eloise said behind them.She was holding Marcie's struggling father by the neck.

"LET HIM GO!" She yelled.

"Hmm..let me think about it..NO!" She cackled.She choked him harder.

"Haven't you had enough revenge? What more could you want?" Marcie asked tiredly.Lycidas blinked.He obviously didn't know Eloise as well as Marcie did.

"I don't want revenge,I WANT BLOOOODDDDD! I WANT TEARS,SADNESS,DEATH, AND EMPTINESS!" Eloise screamed.Marcie thought that she officially lost all her sanity.

Lycidas glared at her.His glare was deathly,because she immediately dropped Wolfe,Marice's father.

The three of them tried to escape from her,but Eloise wouldn't let them get away.

She locked all the windows and doors with her freaky doll powers.

"LET US OUT!" Lycidas screamed at her.

"Little boy,you can't escape me!" Eloise yelled at him.

With one clap of her hands,Wolfe was back home.

But she turned Marcie and Lycidas into dolls...

"What are you going to do to us now?!" Lycidas yelled at her in his doll body.

If it were possible,Marice would have rolled her eyes.This was so clichè for an evil doll.Marcie was surprised she didn't think Eloise would pull this trick.

Eloise grabbed them.

"I'm going to torture you and fix you and then torture you again.Over and over and over again." Eloise laughed.

She stood on the roof and dropped them on the cement ground.They shattered into a million pieces.

She put them back together again.

"HOW LONG ARE YOU GOING TO DO THIS?!" Marcie and Lycidas screamed.This was the fourteenth time Eloise dropped them from the roof.

"Until you crack." She said.

They were confused.They were ALREADY cracked dolls.

Then they realized that she wanted them to lose their sanity.

"NOT TODAY,DOLL-FACE! WE WILL NOT LOSE OUR SANITY!" They screamed at her.

"Let them go." A voice said.It was Wolfe.

"You didn't think I would forget them,now would you?" Wolfe asked.

Eloise laughed.

"Fight me,weak vampire!" She cackled.She placed them on a desk.

"As you wish." Wolfe said.

Then,an epic fight began.

He kicked her and she kicked him back.He sunk his teeth into her porcelain body.She cracked into a million pieces.

Marcie and Lycidas turned into humans.

Even though they just met,Marcie gave Lycidas her instagram account.

"Follow me." She smiled.

After that,she went home.

After all the crazy things that happened today,Marcie decided to relax and check her account.

Lycidas started following her.

"But who was he?" She asked herself.

"I can tell you about myself if you tell me about yourself." Lycidas said from a mirror.

Yes,he was INSIDE A MIRROR!

Marcie screamed.

PART EIGHT

Marcie blinked.Lycidas,the boy she had just met,was inside a mirror?

"Well,don't just stand there! Come in!" He said.

She looked doubtful.

"I don't know about this.." She said.

"Please?" He asked.

"Fine." She said and with that,she stepped in the mirror.

It was like she was in her house,but her house seemed more..bright and mystical in the mirror.

"Why'd you bring me here?" She asked.

"Because I want to know something.Have you ever met Eloise before?" Lycidas asked.

"Yes, I have.She's an evil doll woman who tried to kill me and you.She tricked me a long time ago.What does this have to do with you,though?" Marcie asked.

"She cursed me." He said.

"I used to be a normal teenager,like you-"Lycidas was about to say,but was interrupted.

"Shut up.No one is a "normal" teenager.In fact,no one is normal!" Marcie yelled.

He nodded.

"Well, I used to be a human,like you,but then I met Eloise.She told me she wanted to be human again and she asked me to get ingredients for her and I did and then she laughed and-" Lycidas didn't continue.

"And what?" Marcie asked.

"You see these red eyes and my long tongue?" He asked.

"Yeah,unfortunately." Marcie said.

"Well,she cursed me to be-"

"A vampire." Marcie interrupted.

"How did you know that?" He asked.

"Because this is so clichè! Some evil woman turns an innocent boy into a vampire!" Marcie yelled.

"I'm an orphan,in case you were wondering.My parents died long ago.." He said.

"Why would you tell me that?" She asked.

"I don't know.Because I want to talk to you." Lycidas said.

"Can I go home now?" Marcie asked.

"Yeah." He said and with that,he took her home.

Marcie decided that since it had been a while,she would check her account.

Wow.Everyone thought she was dead.There was even a post "confirming" her death.

Marcie wrote a new post:

@mysticone posted a new story:

I am not dead! I just wasn't using my phone  in a while,but I'm back now! Don't pay attention to that post that says I'm dead,I'm fine!!! Please check out my account and follow me! If you don't follow me, I swear I will literally stalk you and end your life! jk! But seriously,follow me! Or else! I need new followers,this is my whole life! Please,don't be haters and follow me! I hate haters!!! FOLLOW ME!!

#notdead #followme #nohaters

Marcie didn't realize or care about how weird and uncomfortable her post got,she was not in the mood for people who accused her of being dead and didn't want to follow her.

But she would worry about something bigger than followers and haters..

When Marcie was done,she heard a strange noise...

"Who is there?" She asked.

"IT'S MEEE!!!" She heard someone screech.

Suddenly,something grabbed her and pulled her somewhere.

She woke up in a dark boutique..

..Marcie was tied up in a chair and she saw a familiar blond woman with light blue eyes and a black,lacy dress.

It was Eloise.

"Long time,no see!" The deranged doll woman yelled.

"Let me go!" Marcie yelled.

"No! No! No! NO!" Eloise yelled like a bratty child who didn't like when their parents told them no.

"What are you going to do to me?" Marcie asked nervously.

Eloise stopped jumping around and walked close,real close,to Marcie.She bent down so that she could face her.Then she said,quite simply:

"I'm going to have fun!"

"I'm going to rip out your organs and force you to watch! Hehe! Doesn't that sound WONDERFUL?!?!" She screamed at her.

"No,that doesn't sound wonderful! At all!" Marcie yelled.

"Too bad,because I get to do what I WANT!" Eloise yelled.

So Eloise twirled on her heels and faced the thirteen year old..

She gripped tightly on Marcie's shoulder and positioned her fingers so that she could reach over and ever so gently,pull out a bloody eyeball.

She reached over..

Marcie cringed.She didn't want her eyeball to be pulled out..

"NOT SO FAST!" A voice yelled.

PART NINE

Eloise turned around and found Katlin staring at her.

"Katlin?My sister?" Marcie asked.Katlin had come to save her!

Even though Katlin wasn't her biological sister,she still saw her as her sister.

Katlin kicked Eloise and ran off with Marcie in her arms.

"How did you know I was here?" Marcie asked.

"I don't know, I was just walking and I knew!" Katlin said.

"You were taking a walk and just "knew?" " Marcie asked sarcastically.

"I don't have time for this!" Katlin yelled.

By this time,Eloise had gotten up and was madder than ever.The doll woman would not let those human girls get away from her!

Nope,not a chance!

She got up and was chasing them..

"I'M GOING TO GET YOU!" Eloise yelled.

But Marcie and Katlin were already running away.

"Look,I'll take you to my house and you can hide there!" Katlin said.

"Are you in the rental house?" Marcie asked.

"Yes,of course I am! Or else I wouldn't be here!" Katlin yelled.

They went inside the mansion and hid there.

"Are you sure she won't find us here? She found us the last time!" Marcie yelled.

Katlin put her finger to her lips and Marcie shut up.

"I think there is someone there.." Eloise said.

"I smell humans!" Eloise yelled.

"Come out!" Eloise screamed.

They stayed hidden.

"I SAID COME OUT!" Eloise yelled.

"COME OUT OR I'LL MAKE YOU!" Eloise screeched.

Still nothing.

"SO IT'S DEATH YOU'VE CHOSEN,HUH?" Eloise screamed.

She turned a corner..

"We are so dead." Marcie whispered.

Eloise found them!

She grabbed Marcie and Katlin by their hair and dragged them outside...

Eloise tied them to trees..

"NOBODY ESCAPES ME!" Eloise yelled.

PART TEN

Marcie and Katlin were tied up in the trees,with no one to save them.

Unless..

"LET THEM GO!" A voice shouted.

It was Crystal,Katlin's sister! Coming to save them from the doll woman,Eloise.

Eloise turned around.

Crystal was so cool,she got out her bow and arrow and started shooting the doll.

The doll tried to fight back,but Crystal was more powerful.

Soon the doll was dying..

….dying…

...dying.

...still dying..

Until Eloise was fully dead,once and for all.

Crystal untied Marcie and Katlin from the trees and Katlin took them home.

When they were at Kaitlin and Crystal's house,Katlin said to Marcie:

"You can live with us now."

"Really? But I thought that since you're not my biological family, I wouldn't live here!" Marcie yelled.

"You're like a sister to me and you're biological father is going to live with us too." Katlin said.

"We're all living together?" Marcie asked.

"Yes!" Crystal said.

Crystal and Katlin's parents came in and Marcie asked:

"Can I call you Mom and Dad?"

"Sure!" They said.

Then,Marcie's real Dad came in and guess what happened?

They all lived happily ever after,together.

But they also had a party,it was a wonderful celebration.

After the party,everyone had to go to bed.

And Marcie never felt happier.

She had been through so much.Her family she lived with her whole life turned out to be her adoptive family,an evil doll woman almost murdered her on multiple occasions and now,she was finally with her family,at peace.

She’d never be the same again.She was a better person and it was all thanks to an insane,bloodthirsty mannequin lady.

“Thanks,Eloise,for almost ruining my life.You made me a better person.” Marcie whispered to herself,smiling as she crawled in bed.

I made the characters  from a  game called:”Gacha Club” So people could know what they look like.


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Tue Sep 21, 2021 6:31 pm
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi vampricone6783,
 
Mailice here with a short review! :D
 
First off, this story looks massive. I think you will get way more reviews, if you split the story in separate parts. That also can give you the motivation to create cliffhangers to hook the reader up until the next part. But, now on to the story!
 

Once upon a time in the 1960s,there were five witch sisters.
The first sister-Lyra
The second sister-Emily
The third sister-Eloise
The fourth sister-Ariana
The fifth sister-Sarah
The five sisters worked in a family boutique.They worked there ever since they could talk.It was their whole life,their dream job.
Or so everyone thought.
When they grew up and became adults,their parents died of old age.They left a will for them.It said:
Dear Children,
We would like to say that if the boutique is successful,you may pursue your own dreams.Now,for the gifts.
We leave to Lyra-A quarter of the family fortune.We know you can do something amazing with that money.
We leave to Emily-Our journals and the journals of family members who came before us.We trust you to protect our family history.
We leave to Eloise-The boutique.You may do whatever you want with it.

 
This already sounds like a very promising beginning. Firstly, I like the almost fairy-tale tone you take here, but at the same time it seems like something that is just the beginning of a long, arduous journey/experience. I noticed you have some problems with the spaces here, so that after a full stop or after a comma, the words seem to be written together.
 
We’re only going to focus on Eloise.

It's an interesting storytelling technique you're using, showing it like an omniscient narrator. 
 
Leona held a funeral for her and to her disgust,she was the only one who attended her funeral.How could her sisters be so cruel as to murder her?! Even though Eloise was a murderer,she didn’t deserve to die.Not in Leona’s eyes.

 Besides the missing spaces I think you should specify the “her sisters”. I was a bit confused, maybe because also with all the names that I had to remember, but writing it as “Eloise´s sisters” would be better in this part.
 
Leona lay on the ground,dead…
…When Leona picked herself back up again,she realized that she was a ghost and she let Esmè escape.

Your paragraph is far too small here and doesn't give that necessary effect where the suspense is supposed to surprise the reader. You immediately turn to the next point and before the reader could exhale, everything has already fizzled out. :D
 
Let's start with a few points. I like the tone of the story. It has this fairytale undertone that immediately turns into a kind of horror and surprises the reader. Your extreme way of presenting the story can be a shock for some readers.

But I also find that the narration doesn't pull me right in because it's too fast or too short in terms of introducing the characters. Especially when it comes to these shock moments, I didn't find it directly shocking, but rather surprising because you chose a direct way of narration. I think it would be better if you wrote it more subconsciously, so that the reader can read the agony better between the lines. Especially at the beginning I found it very drastic and reminded me a bit of The Silence of the Lambs.
 
I think the effect of the story would also be increased if you had started the story with Leona. Until the moment when Eloise's sisters killed her. That would have raised a lot of questions in the reader's mind, because we only know Leona's perspective and then we are on her side, that Eloise is nice and caring. I think that would have brought across this "second" face better.

I liked some of your background stories of the characters and also have a good reason to build up an understanding of the characters. But they don't directly contribute to understanding the plot of the story. It would make more sense towards the end of the story, where you reveal why a character behaves the way they do. By presenting some information like a life story, the reader starts to think in a pigeonhole way and judges how the character should act, which can lead to confusion if the plot is not understandable.

The "Once upon a time" part alone could be five or six parts in itself, because it's really massive. I also have to be honest and say that at some point I started just skimming the story because it really is a bit too long. You have about 15,000 words, which is three times bigger than what I once published, and meanwhile I try to keep the texts at about 1500 to 3000 words, because I think most people here read from their mobile phones.

In itself, you have created an interesting story with a great structure and I also see that you are showing an extremely versatile character, that you are trying so hard to breathe life into it.

Have fun writing!

Mailice




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Sun Aug 29, 2021 5:15 am
versonix wrote a review...



Hiya!! Vern here with a review for ya!

This was so fun to read, and very enjoyable at that too. I enjoyed the characters and the overall plot of this. I think the concept is unique and the way you went about the pacing was also nice.

Though, I also do have a bit of criticism that you could think of implementing into your later works. I feel as though there is no structure/formatting, so it may be hard to comprehend and read at certain points.

I also feel as though some of the words also felt like they weren't specific enough, such as said or other verbs/adverbs. I would suggest looking at the thesaurus and looking at certain examples of talking instead of repeatedly using "said" or " asked" as it may help bring the characters to life a bit more and with their reactions. ( If that makes sense )

"After the party, everyone had to go to bed."

I feel as though this ending could be touched on a bit more. Such as talking about the celebration a tad more and how Marcie felt about it near the end.

I will say that I really enjoyed Marcie as a character and how she progressed throughout this. I found her to be a really cool character.

That's about all I have!! Other than that I had so much fun reading this and look forward to reading more of your work in the future :-0. Keep up the great work

-Vern
(hopefully this all made sense aaaa. Im a bit new to reviewing )




vampricone6783 says...


Thanks for the review!



vampricone6783 says...


I added a paragraph to the ending of:%u201DEloise-The demented doll woman.%u201D You can read it if you want.



vampricone6783 says...


I added a backstory for Katlin in this story! You can read it if you want.




"In my contact with people I find that, as a rule, it is only the little, narrow people who live for themselves, who never read good books, who do not travel, who never open up their souls in a way to permit them to come into contact with other souls -- with the great outside world."
— Booker T. Washington, Up From Slavery